His and Hers by Beduini (1/2) Part I: Hers Category: V, MSR Rating: A very serious NC-17 Spoilers: all things Keywords: Mulder/Scully Archive: Kimberly, you've got Carte Blanche. Everyone else please contact me first. Summary: This started as a character study for my current WIP to help me reference the scene, THE SCENE, from 'all things'. Yeah, I know, it's been done to infinity. But I still needed to resolve for myself how it happened. What was she thinking? What was he thinking? I never intended this for public consumption, but Kerri was so insistent... Thanks to Marty and Brandon for the read-throughs and comments. This is for Kerri, because she wanted it posted, and because she read so many versions and gave me her honest opinions while I was trying to get it right, and she still kept asking for more. I'm still not convinced it's 'right' Kerri, but here it is, nevertheless. XxXxXxXxX Hers: She awoke on Mulder's sofa, covered in a thick Indian print blanket. She'd fallen asleep, mid-conversation. What had she been saying? Oh yes... She blinked her eyes, growing accustomed to the dark stillness. The aquarium glowed in a faint blue and a slice of pale moonlight spilled out onto the floor from the half-opened door to Mulder's bedroom. Half open. As if to say, 'I'm not shutting you out.' The omnipresent noises that went unnoticed underneath the everyday activity of Mulder's domain were now almost deafening in the silence. The buzz coming from the filter on the aquarium accompanied by an occasion bubble of air rising to the top of the tank. The refrigerator humming loudly in the kitchen. The faint sound of water dripping against porcelain in the bathroom. There were no sounds of Mulder, and that made her feel lonely. It was late, and by her estimation she'd been in a deep sleep over an hour, nearly two. She sat up, breathing heavily from the sudden transition from slumber to activity as she tossed the blanket to the side. Sliding her feet into the pumps she had kicked off underneath the coffee table, she stood, letting the vertebrae in her back straighten before she shrugged out of her jacket, overheated from the blanket and the stuffiness of the closed apartment. Clutching the jacket in her hand, she moved toward the bedroom to check on Mulder before she drove herself home. Looking in through the open doorway, she saw his lanky form tangled under the covers, breathing deeply with his mouth slightly open and a thick hardbound book laid across his chest. With an affectionate smile she approached him silently, laying her jacket on the foot of the bed. Reaching out, she slipped the book out from under his hand. There was only the moonlight filtering in through the bedroom window, but it was enough for her to make out a few words on the page. Mulder was reading about Buddhism. She smiled, knowing that her weekend of personal revelations had had some impact on him as well. She laid the book face down on the bedside table then turned back to look at him, her eyes resting on his slack mouth and the way his long dark eyelashes brushed his cheeks. Tilting her head to the side, she watched him with interest. The feeling of affection was overwhelming and she struggled against the compulsion to touch him. She crouched down beside the bed, studying his face, taking in the fullness and soft texture of his lips and the fine lines around his eyes that hadn't been there seven years ago when they'd first met. So much has happened since that day. He was just as exciting and interesting now as he had been then, she thought, perhaps more so because now she knew him better than anyone, in some ways better than herself. Giving in to temptation, she ran the back of her fingers over the coarse stubble on his cheek and let out a long sigh. There had been a shift in their relationship this weekend. It wasn't something new, but rather an acceptance of feelings and desires that had long been tamped down under a willful need to control that which could not or would not be controlled. She loved Mulder, and she wanted Mulder. These were not new ideas to her, either. Only she'd never allowed herself the joy of loving Mulder because of what she'd thought she SHOULD have and want by this time of her life. What she perceived was expected of her, and what she expected of herself. Mulder didn't fit into those expectations. He wasn't everything she'd always been drawn to in a man. He was enigmatic, charming, attractive, but she'd never considered him boyfriend material. He was singular minded. Obsessed. Strong, but in his own way. Powerful, but again, in his own way. Passionate. Unconventional. But now, so was she. He was the only man she could truly see herself with now, expectations or not, and that had been her biggest conflict in recent years. He allowed her to be herself, and respected her for it. Expected it from her. They were partners...equals. Complementary. There was no denying all of the signs were pointing to Mulder, had always pointed to Mulder. She knew now that it was pointless to try to ignore them. Whether you believed in fate or not, there were things that were undeniably meant to be. She was meant to be with Mulder. She believed this. She wouldn't let expectations rule her life anymore, she was going to allow her heart to guide her from now on. And she wasn't going to stop herself from having what she really wanted. No more rationalizations, no more excuses. Mulder shifted underneath the sheets, his eyes blinking open and focusing on her. They looked at each other a moment before he spoke in a scratchy voice, "I thought you were asleep." "I'm sorry I woke you," she replied, offering him her warmest bedside manner. Letting him know that she really wasn't sorry in the least. "You didn't. I was just resting my eyes." He rubbed his eyes with the thumb and index finger of one hand, then looked back at her blearily. "How do you feel? You were really down for the count." She let out a short laugh. "I feel good, actually." She drew in a deep breath and her expression sobered. "I'm sorry I passed out on you, though. We, um, didn't finish our conversation." "Anytime, Scully. I guess life-altering revelations can wear you out." She smiled again, her lips curving up in a wide arc. "I guess so." Their eyes met and held, so many things being spoken without being said. Can you see it, too, Mulder...the change in me? She wondered. Mulder reached out his index finger and caught the small cross that was hanging from the thin chain around her neck, and the simple act sparked her body to attention. "So now what? Are there any more surprising developments since I last saw you...what..." he glanced over at the digital clock on the nightstand, "two hours ago?" His eyes were dark, belying the lightness of his question. She drew in a breath, meeting his look with a similar look of her own. Dark and mysterious. "Hmm...maybe. But I imagine you're pretty tired to be getting into it now...jetlag and all." He smiled, letting the cross drop from his finger. "It's amazing how well I can function on just an hour of sleep." Sinewy and shifting like a contented panther underneath the covers, he turned more to his side to face her. "But you probably have to get home...tomorrow being a work day and all." She nodded thoughtfully, the tension stretching out between them. The subtext was understood by both. They had never strayed this far from their familiar boundaries together before - the tension had never been this tangible without one of them pulling back or some unforeseen force interrupting the moment. The faucet in the bathroom continued to drip, marking the seconds as they passed. "Thank you, Mulder," she said at last, her voice nearly a whisper. "For what?" he chuckled softly, wearing a grin. "For listening." She paused. "For being here." He cupped her cheek in his palm, caressing gently with his thumb while looking into her eyes with such sincerity that it caused her stomach to leap inside of her. "My pleasure." She reached up and covered his hand with her own, pressing her face into his touch. She closed her eyes, feeling the warmth of the connection spread through her body like thick honey, golden and sweet. This was what she wanted. She wanted Mulder. She breathed him in, absorbing him and the moment as she heard him shift under the covers once again, feeling his movement as light brushes of air against her face. When she opened her eyes he was sitting on the edge of the bed, his flannel-clad legs on either side of her and his eyes unreadable in the shadows. She raised her face and looked up at him openly. "Come here, Scully," his voice rasped out in a near whisper, his hand still cupping her cheek. Her lips parted as her heart began to pound triple time in her chest off of the timbre of his voice. Slowly she stood, his arms enveloping her waist and pulling her to him in a tight embrace. His face was buried between her breasts and she wrapped her arms around his bare shoulders and laid her cheek against the top of his head, squeezing him back with equal self-indulgence. The room was heavy with the heat of their embrace. <...all the other ones were wrong...> They remained that way for a while, holding on to each other and rocking gently. Desire, warm and humid, was pressing against them both - desire to give and to share, to connect, to experience, to love. They both allowed it's presence, but neither one moved. Eventually, Mulder broke the silence without breaking the embrace. "Scully?" he said roughly, her name spoken as a confirmation with the lilt of a question at the end. Her eyes opened and she lifted her head, pulling back enough to be able to look into his face. His eyes were intense under hooded and sleepy eyelids and his hands were still holding on to her waist loosely. She cradled his face in her hands and looked into his eyes, then lowered her head to press her lips against his forehead. She pulled back slightly, then moved lower and pressed her mouth against his, the contact much shorter than their kiss on New Year's Eve, but a much more passionate kiss in comparison. She laid her forehead against his, whispering, "Thank you," against his lips with a soft sigh, this time her voice softer and warmer than the last. His breath was leaving in short bursts through his nostrils and she felt him tense. The tension in the room expanded a hundred fold and raising her head to look into his eyes, she saw powerful emotion, his desire unleashed. She drew in a quick breath of her own, knowing that after seven years, it all came down to this moment. <...only one choice...> He drew in a breath, raised a hand to the back of her head and wove his fingers into her hair, pulling her lips back down to connect with his once again. She tilted her head slightly, lips parting. It was sweet...oh so sweet. His hands tightened, one still holding the back of her head and the other at the small of her back, pressing her body against his as their lips brushed together. She opened her mouth to catch a quick breath, and within moments their tongues were touching against each other, stroking and retreating, extracting a taste and then savoring it before returning for more. Her uterus contracted with a jolt at the first touch of his tongue to hers and she knew that she would not be leaving his apartment tonight. She felt her legs becoming liquid and she started to sink to the floor but he pulled her onto his lap, his mouth never leaving hers. There was no hesitation or awkwardness as one might imagine between two friends embarking on a more intimate relationship - their relationship had always been intimate and sexually charged, although the physical contact had been limited. Now they would come full circle. In one fluid motion Mulder shifted their position so that she was lying on her back atop the bed and he was next to her, the upper part of his body hovering over hers while they continued to kiss, taking turns as aggressor and pursued. His hands glazed over her body, touching her everywhere that he could reach. He loosened a zipper and pulled gently on her sweater until her clothing was removed and she was completely bared before him, his hands still stoking the flames inside of her. He touched her reverently, passionately, kissing soft patches of skin, her breasts, her abdomen, his mouth always returning to hers. He watched her, silently asking with his eyes ablaze if she liked this or that was alright, or did she prefer it a little bit lower, maybe... All she could think was, 'Oh God, yes...' He was everywhere, and pinned underneath him she could only reach as far as the bare skin of his back, but made the most of it by caressing and kneading the muscles with her fingers while she tasted his neck and shoulders, the softness of his earlobes and the scratchiness of his chin. She would get her chance to reciprocate his actions later, she knew, for this was only the first of many nights ahead of them. Her entire body had softened and liquefied in preparation for him and when his fingers finally found their way to the soft curls and beyond to the wetness of her center he paused, drawing in a deep breath. Raising his head to look into her eyes she saw the wild arousal and the final question in his and nodded her confirmation. Yes, this is what I want and I am ready for you. He sat up, then stood next to the bed, his eyes running over her as he slid his pajama bottoms and shorts down his hips. Her eyes focused on his erection, unhindered by clothing and fully aroused, and she scooted back to the center of the bed, her body uncurling and sinking into the soft bedding. Oh God, yes. She looked into his face, their eyes locking as she reached out to him, allowing her knees to fall open to receive him. He crawled onto the bed and over her with a look of combined ferocity and awe, his eyes holding hers as he lowered himself down to drink from her mouth again and again. When Mulder set himself to a task he was relentless in the pursuit of his goal. He distributed his weight between his knees and his elbows, slowly allowing the weight of his torso to push her deeper into the bed as they both sighed in contentment through their kisses. Then, as he held her gaze he reached down and positioned himself at her entrance, easing his hips forward until he was sheathed inside of her. They both expelled all of the breath in their lungs, mentally bookmarking the moment to be visited again later when they wanted to remember their first joining. He eased out of her, then in, beginning a slow tempo. "Good," he exhaled with a groan as he looked into her eyes, partially commenting and partially asking. There was an intensity surrounding him that nearly stole her breath away as she considered the tenderness of his touch in the face of the passion he exuded. "God, yes," she agreed, her hands running lightly over his shoulder blades and down his back as she moved her pelvis in a counter rhythm with his. It was an incredible sensation, the friction from the complete inner and outer contact they made as he pushed in and out of her. His unyielding sex was long and thick - God had blessed Fox Mulder in that respect to be sure, but even if He hadn't it wouldn't have mattered. It had been so long since she had been properly fucked that she'd forgotten just how good it was, how good it could be, the depth of the sensations coupled with the emotions she was experiencing unparalleled. But what was nearly as satisfying was the confirmation in his face that he shared the same experience. After a moment she lifted her knees and wrapped her legs around his hips to pull him deeper, causing the angle of penetration to increase as he let out a groan. "And it just keeps getting better and better." She smiled, the smile traveling all of the way up to her heavy- lidded eyes. He was reaching places within her that were long forgotten, stimulating nerve endings and stirring up emotions that couldn't be ascribed a name. Mulder was in shape and he knew how to control his own release in favor of pleasing her first. He didn't rush or try to bludgeon her, remaining both gentle and intense in his thrusting while he looked down at her with sleepy eyes full of heat and adoration. Every so often he would return to her mouth and the feeling of his tongue sliding against hers as he steadily pumped deep within her was so gratifying it brought tears of joy to her eyes. Was it he who surrounded her, or her who surrounded him? She wondered. They were so completely merged that it was impossible for her to tell. Her legs were spread wide under his hips and his angle of penetration was just right to provide constant contact between his pelvis and her over-sensitized engorged bundle of nerves. She felt her inner muscles contract around him and a surge of moisture follow, knowing that she was on her way to a very pleasant and powerful orgasm. Mulder moved his hips faster so that his strokes became less complete in favor of the more frequent contact within her, her hips responding to the new tempo. Technique was replaced by instinct, and instinct told them to find their release. He hit just the right spot and she slid her hands down to the flesh of his buttocks, applying pressure and murmuring "Right there, Mulder," so that he knew she wanted him to keep right on doing exactly what he was doing. She was beginning to pant, soft little exhalations puffing across his face, catching every so often as her entire body stiffened, growing taut as she felt the power building within her as he continually hit that one spot, over and over. And then she was there, releasing it, her breath catching, gasping for breath, her back arching and her muscles clenching and undulating around him, her legs holding him tightly as her blood pounded in her ears and in her toes and everywhere in between. She groaned and he held himself as still and rigid as she sank down into the bed with her arms and legs still encircling him, her mouth pressed against his neck while the contractions slowed and finally stopped. "Mulder," she whispered breathlessly, her voice laden with emotion. "Hang on, Scully," he whispered fervently, then started moving within her once again. Slow at first but unable to hold back any longer, he quickly built up the tempo, pounding into her while his breathing labored. She opened her mouth and began sucking and licking his neck, tasting the salt of his sweat, wanting to experience his release the way he had hers, feeling the slickness of their skin where it made contact. Her fingertips slid between his firm buttocks, running feather-light over the tender soft skin of his anus, and he cried out, his hips pumping along with the last of his orgasm until they were both soft and sated. She was still wrapped around him as he nuzzled her ear and he hazily lifted his head to look at her, his eyes red and glassy and beautiful in their contentment, displaying his complete and honest adoration of her. He reached out and reverently moved a stray wisp of hair away from her mouth and she ran her fingers through his hair, smiling at him. He smiled in return and lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her sweetly, slow and languorous, showing her how much he adored her. She returned his kiss until exhaustion began to take them both and he begrudgingly withdrew from her, rolling onto his side and gathering her up into his arms until she was nearly laying on his chest, one leg thrown over his and the length of her body pressed against him. "That was so beautiful," he murmured against her hair in wonderment, running the back of his finger down her cheek. "Yes, it was," she agreed, turning her face and nestling into him with a contented sigh. It was one of those moments where time seemed to stop and everything was perfectly clear to her. Sleep was not far away as her mind recalled the last thing she'd heard him say before she fell asleep on the sofa. "There are no wrong turns, Mulder," she mumbled into his neck. "This is exactly where we're supposed to be." He raised his head a little, and she knew without meeting his eyes that he was looking down at her with warm amusement. "I'm exactly where I want to be," he replied, placing a kiss into her hair. "Mmmmm...goodnight, Mulder." "Goodnight, Scully," was the last thing she heard as she blissfully drifted off, finally feeling right, at peace with herself and her chosen life. XxXxXxXxX Mulder's POV in Part II: His Beduini@geocities.com http://www.geocities.com/beduini2/Main.html