TITLE: 157 Words, or Why Mulder & Scully Should Just Be Friends
AUTHOR: Lysandra
FEEDBACK: Lysandra31@aol.com or Lysandra@mediaone.net
SPOILERS:  Nope.
CLASSIFICATION: Badfic, MSR Parody, hopefully Humor
RATING:  NC-17-ish
SUMMARY:  Chris Carter knows what he's doing, folks.  UST rules.
DISCLAIMER:  "The X-Files," Mulder, & Scully belong to Chris Carter, 
1013 Productions, and Fox.  Incompatible sex is all mine.

**157 Words, Or Why Mulder & Scully Should Just Be Friends**  

Scully's eyes were plain blue, like countless other girls' eyes.    

Mulder's lips were chapped.   

Her hair was red, but it was brittle from all the dyeing.  He thought it would 
be all silky in his hands, but it wasn't.  And it smelled like Head & Shoulders. 
  
He tasted like halitosis, not sunflower seeds.    

She was cold, loose, and dry; her vagina smelled like fish.

His penis was small, pencil-thin, and soft.

Scully was too short. There was no way they could screw and kiss at the same
time.  

She could kiss Mulder's chin and he could kiss her nose.  How utterly
unromantic. 

Mulder didn't know what the hell he was doing, despite watching all that porn.  

He couldn't find her clitoris if he'd had a map.  And how could a G-Man not
find the G-Spot, Scully wondered idly as he bored her to death with his 
annoying rubbing. 

They'd never do THIS again, that was for sure.

** The End.  Mercifully. **

*************************