***DISCLAIMER***: All "X-Files" elements and references
in this story belong to Fox Broadcasting, Chris Carter,
and 1013 Productions, and I am making no money from it.

ARCHIVING: Link only, please!

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Shield of Lies
by shannono
shannono@iname.com


Vignette, Angst

Rated PG

Spoilers through "Redux"

Summary: Scully's thoughts as she testifies before the FBI panel.

Comment: I've read a wealth of summertime vignettes and stories
based on "Gethsemane," but I haven't seen much since we found
out what actually happened. My main question was, if Scully knew
Mulder wasn't dead, why did she start crying during her testimony?
The answer is below ...

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Shield of Lies
by shannono


"Four years ago, Section Chief Blevins assigned me to a project you all
know as the X-Files. As I am a medical doctor, with a background in hard
science, my job was to provide an analytical perspective on the work of
Special Agent Fox Mulder ...

"I come here today, four years later, to report on the illegitimacy of Agent
Mulder's  work ..."

Dana Scully could hear herself talking, but as from a distance, detached.
She sat in a dimly lit room, at a table surrounded by dark-suited men and
women, all people she knew, most her direct superiors. They listened as
she spoke, explaining the events of the past four years, telling them the
truth about her work with the FBI's most brilliant renegade, Special Agent
Fox Mulder.

But it was all a lie.

Time stretched out around Scully and the world seemed to shift into slow
motion. Her speech went on, rote words describing her "findings," as she
considered what she was about to do.

She would lie for him.

In mere moments, she would place her career, her reputation, maybe even
her life on the line for him. He wasn't dead, she knew; she'd known it from
the beginning. He'd been in her darkened apartment when she walked in
the night before -- "Keep going, FBI woman" -- and had told her of the
peephole in the ceiling of his apartment and the man upstairs, watching.

The same man they'd found in his apartment this morning, his face blown off.

Technically, Scully thought, she'd already lied by identifying the body as
Mulder's, although she could have escaped unscathed from that one alone.
The body was in his apartment, was wearing his clothes; who else could it
have been?

That was more than 12 hours ago, though, and she'd already been threatened
with bloodwork and ballistics reports. They knew who the man was, believed
she did, too, and there would be no escaping if she lied again.

But she had to play out her role in this drama, using his supposed death to
hide his search for the truth. They'd been fed enough lies to last a lifetime;
this time, they were fighting back with a lie of their own. A lie to uncover
the truth.

Oh, she'd lied for him before, or at least avoided telling the truth. Less
than a year before, she'd been jailed for contempt of Congress when she
refused to divulge Mulder's whereabouts to a Senate subcommittee. But that
time, when she returned to face the subcommittee again, he'd shown up in the
chamber and removed the need for her testimony on that account.

Today, he wouldn't be making an appearance. She was on her own.

Her thoughts shifted as she talked on, considering what she would have
done if that had been Mulder's body lying on the floor of his apartment.
Could she have contained herself as she had this morning, with police
officers and other agents all around? Or would she have lost all her
carefully constructed restraints, throwing herself on top of his body
and screaming at the futility of it all?

A silent shudder went through her at the possibility. No, she probably
wouldn't have made such a public display; it was so unlike her to lose
control. But in private, it was a different story. She was strong, yes, but
she had come to depend on him, and the prospect of losing him now ...

She pushed the thought away, her mind returning to the lie she was about
to present. Funny how things go, she thought irrationally. Not so long ago,
Mulder had told her the truth would save her, would save them both. Now,
here they were, trying to shield themselves behind another lie.

But she could see no other option. As long as he was "dead" -- or at least
as long as there was no concrete proof he was alive -- he could keep up
his search for the answers. He could finally unfold the layers of deception
and lay bare his ultimate goal, *their* ultimate goal: the Truth.

Even as she spoke, she knew he was somewhere in a highly restricted area
of a Defense Department facility, searching for that truth. She wondered
what she would find. Evidence of experiments? More files? Maybe even an
EBE or two?

She suppressed a smile at the thought. If he DID find an actual
extraterrestrial there, he might just show up here after all. Assuming, of
course, he could get the thing out of the building ... or get himself out,
for that matter.

Just a day before, Mulder had been convinced he had found a genuine
EBE. But then she had encountered Michael Kritschgau -- when he threw
her down the stairs -- and he had told them the whole thing was a
fabrication, a hoax designed to get them both out of the way. Mulder hadn't
believed him at first, but then Scully had told him Kritschgau's other
revelation: that she had been given her cancer to make Mulder believe the
lies.

Scully briefly wondered what had actually happened in Mulder's apartment
before he discovered he was being watched. She had a feeling he had
been close, so close, to doing exactly what she was about to testify that he
had done. She could picture him on his sofa, his gun in his hand, his guilt
over her illness consuming him bit by bit. If he hadn't found out about the
surveillance ...

She shook off the idea as her thoughts returned to her spoken words. She
was nearing the end of her soliloquy, and she found herself beginning to
shake, inexplicably, with fear or just emotion, she wasn't sure which. She
swiftly decided not to hide her reactions; trembling and tears would only
serve to make her story more believable.

She took in a deep breath, steeled herself, and spoke the lie:

"Early this morning, I got a call from the police, asking me to come to
Agent Mulder's apartment. The detective asked me ... he needed me to
identify a body ..."

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