Title: Re: Your Web Site Author: Alelou Feedback: Alelou123@aol.com Category: Humor Rating: NC-17 Disclaimer: Chris Carter & 1013's, not mine. Archive: Just let me know. Spoilers: Nah Summary: Mulder has come across a smutfic archive devoted to him, and is somewhat indignant. ------------------------------------------------- TO: agentbunny@xoom.com FR: FWM1013@msn.com RE: your web site Miss Pratt -- (Yes, I do know your real name) -- Imagine my surprise when I encountered your web site devoted to erotica about your colleagues at the FBI. It appears for some reason to have attracted quite a following -- one so extensive it can't just made up of other FBI employees who like you are apparently Not Getting Enough. As much as I applaud erotica on principle, I have to take issue with your inclusion of myself as a category. (the largest one, judging from the 250-plus stories listed in your archive under "Yes He Really Is a Fox.") I do not appreciate your use of my name, my colleagues' names, our photographs, or rumors about our lives to populate your kinky little world. More specifically, I have to note that: 1) Agent Scully and I, contrary to popular bureau belief, have never even kissed each other on the lips, let alone gotten into the gymnastics detailed so lovingly on your site. 2) Assistant Director Skinner and I would never engage in a homosexual relationship with each other or with anyone else, though you'd have to confirm the latter with him personally. (I'd like to see you try.) 3) I very much doubt that Assistant Director Skinner and Special Agent Dana Scully would make the naked pretzel either, but again you would need to take that up with them. (Same note.) 2) If Agent Scully and I were ever to throw away six-plus years of professionalism in this way, anyone who knows the two of us or human anatomy in general would realize that the following items I discovered on your site would simply never happen: a) Agent Scully would never suck her own nipple while I watched. (In case you've never tried this yourself, this is physically impossible.) b) Agent Scully would never happily wake up in the middle of the night to my member prodding her in the back and cheerfully engage in a bout of lovemaking. (You obviously have never dealt with Agent Scully when she's been woken up in the middle of the night, or for that matter when she's just woken up in the morning at a normal time.) c) I seriously doubt that Agent Scully would ever willingly engage in anal intercourse, sadomasochism, or for that matter even happily swallow my ejaculate, but again, you'd have to take this up with her. d) Anyone who thinks that I would be idiotic enough to press sexual relations on Agent Scully after she's said "no" obviously doesn't know her or her gun. e) I think I can safely assert that my eye color does not change while engaged in sexual relations or at any other time. Miss Pratt, I must insist that you remove all traces of the material on this site immediately and cease and desist all further writing or posting of erotica or anything else relating to Agent Scully or myself, or I will reveal your involvement in this site to Agent Scully and Assistant Director Skinner and let the chips fall where they may. Sincerely, Fox Mulder P.S. If you really feel a compelling need to continue to write and post stories about a super stud FBI agent with an outrageously large penis and the incredibly-gifted-in-bed partner who adores him, I strongly suggest you use another name and disguise the facts enough to avoid further embarrassment for us -- and dire consequences for you. May I suggest the name "Marty"?