Author's Note: Here it is. The sequel to "Betrayal Of Trust." I enjoyed writing this one. It was much easier than its predecessor. I liked to thank the readers again for prompting me to continue this story by tackling the aftermath of the rape. I hope it meets or exceeds everyone's expectations. Disclaimer: The characters of Mulder and Scully don't belong to me. They are the property of Chris Carter, Ten Thirteen Productions and 20th Century Fox. No infringement intended. The numerous other characters are made up by me. Category: MSR (like I can write anything else) Rating: R (language, sexual situations) Summary: This is the sequel to "Betrayal Of Trust." I'd appreciate it if you'd read that story first before moving on to this one. It would be much easier on you. Feedback: Of course! "Recovering Her Soul" by Lisa (danil001@bama.ua.edu) "My love, you know that you're my best friend You know I'd do anything for you and My love, let nothing come between us My love for you is strong and true" --Sarah McLachlan, "Hold On" It had been three months since the rape. Scully wasn't doing much better. The nightmares were still present and she would wake up screaming and crying. Fear was something she lived with everyday. Fear that someone would grab her, hurt her. The only thing that was normal in her life was her job. It was a good thing Mulder was with her most of the time, because she was afraid to be alone with a man in the same room and this work required it. So she tolerated it, but barely. She jumped every time a man touched her. Especially on her arms. One time Mulder grabbed her arm, trying to get her attention and she flinched, moving away from him. However, he noticed her reaction. She wasn't quick enough to cover it up. Mulder told her it was all right, not to worry about it, but he looked hurt. The daylight she could handle. The night was another matter. She was able to squeeze in a few hours of sleep, at best. The nightmares haunted her, vivid images of her being restrained and unable to move. The sounds of her screams echoing in her ears as she struggled to get away. She awakened feeling her heart pounding in her chest and her body drenched with sweat. At first, she thought of moving, getting away from her apartment where it happened, but then he would have won and she didn't want that. That would just be running away from the situation. It wouldn't accomplish anything except make her feel more vulnerable. She needed her life back. She needed to feel safe again. Initially, she resisted counseling. The hospital gave her a card to a rape crisis center. She was so numb that night nothing sunk in except the pain of terrible betrayal. Scully found it in the pocket of her robe a few weeks ago, but had been so busy with work there was no time. She realized she had to make the time. For herself. For her own well-being. The first thing that came to mind was Karen Kosseff, since she had a history with her, but this was personal and she felt uncomfortable discussing it at work. So she called the number on the business card. Her first appointment with the therapist at the rape crisis center wasn't easy, but she was able to quickly establish a rapport with her. Ms. Elizabeth Cummings, Scully judged, was about her age and had a pleasant demeanor, almost motherly. She was easy to talk with and most importantly she listened and was non-judgmental as Scully described the painful assault again, collapsing into tears. Ms. Cummings asked her if she wanted to end the session early. Scully agreed being so distraught at recalling the trauma of the rape once more. As the weeks passed, the sessions got easier and Scully was opening up more. Now, she sat in her office again waiting to begin again. Scully hoped this time would be easier for her. Would it ever get easier? When? "Dana, how was your week?" Ms. Cummings asked settling down in the comfortable blue armchair across from Scully. "All right, I guess." Scully replied. "The nightmares are less frequent." "That's good." She explained. "You're beginning to not think about it all the time." "When will they go away?" Scully asked. "I mean . . . when will I feel safe? I'm afraid all the time. I hate it." "Do you have someone in your life to talk with? It's much easier if a family member or a friend is there for you anytime or just a phone call away." A phone call away. Mulder. He was always ready to help her. "I have someone. He will do anything for me." Scully said, remembering when Mulder said he would have killed Kevin for doing this to her. "Did you tell him about the rape?" "Of course I did. He was the one who found me. . . saved me." Scully stated. "No, that's not what I meant. Did you talk with him afterwards? Did you tell him about the circumstances surrounding the attack? How scared you were and how you tried to get to the phone and disable your attacker with the lamp base?" "I didn't give him a blow-by-blow account of it. I ... I was embarrassed at him finding me like that, curled up on the floor. Helpless. Anyway, he doesn't want to hear about it. He saw enough of it." Scully explained. "Why do you think your friend would find you helpless? You told me you fought with him until he held you down?" the therapist asked. "I don't want him to know how unsafe I feel now. I want him to know I can handle this. I can get through it by myself. Besides, how can he help? He can't stop my nightmares or make the fear go away. He tried to but I . . . I shut him out . . ." "What Dana? How did he try and help you? Tell me." Ms. Cummings coaxed. "It was a couple of weeks ago and we were at another city, another motel room. We try and get adjacent rooms if possible because our line of work isn't exactly 9 to 5. We may have to leave at any time if there is a development in a case." ****** Scully awoke screaming. Mulder rushed over to her room, trying to calm her down. "Scully, it all right. You're OK." Mulder wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to quiet his partner. He held her tighter when she didn't respond. "No, don't, stop it." Scully pushed against him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry . . ." Mulder murmured moving away from her. "You can't help me, Ok. Do you understand? You can't do it!" she yelled at him. The stream of light from his room allowed him to see the tears streaming down Scully's face. The fear evident in her voice. He didn't know how to treat her anymore. She wouldn't talk to him about the rape and shied away from any contact. He wanted to help her, but she wouldn't let him. She just shut him out completely. "This isn't the first time I've heard you screaming or crying. Am I just supposed to stay in my room and ignore it? Should I pretend it's nothing?" he countered angrily. "You can't take my nightmares away, Mulder. You can't make me sleep through the night." she explained. "Tell me. Tell me about them." Mulder pleaded. Scully just stared back at him coldly. She moved back under the covers, ignoring his request. "Fine. Have it your way." he said walking back through the door shutting it loudly. ****** "That's the last time we talked about it." Scully began. "the last time we really talked about anything except work." "It sounds like he wants to help, but he's waiting for you to let him in. Can you try, Dana?" "I . . . I don't know. I'm afraid of letting him in and telling him how I feel . . . how I don't feel confident or safe anymore. Like a part of my soul has been taken away and I don't know how to get it back." Scully said, reaching for a tissue on the table next to her. "Well, if you can't talk to him, I think you need to tell someone, family, other friends, someone else you feel comfortable discussing this subject." But, there was no one else. Only Mulder. She only trusted him. Ms. Cummings stood up and went over to her desk, opening the first drawer and taking out a small pamphlet. "Dana, here's some information on support groups in the area if you are interested. They have helped many other women cope." Scully glanced at the black and white brochure prompting her to come to a meeting with others who would understand and support her healing. "Did I give you the hotline number in case you need to speak with someone anytime?" "Yes." she muttered, getting up to leave. "Do you want to set up another appointment now?" "No. I don't know about my schedule. I may be out of town next week." Scully explained to the therapist. Silenced passed between the two women for a minute. "Dana, open the door . . . let someone in." she said before Scully walked out the door. If it were only that easy, Scully thought to herself. ***** The weeks turned into months. Scully never told Mulder about the dreams. They had all but stopped now, so she saw no point to it. Anyway, they were both wrapped up in a case, there wasn't much time for a heart-to-heart talk. On a few occasions, Scully almost told him about how she was feeling helpless, ashamed, and not in control. But, he couldn't understand. This didn't happen to him. How could he even begin to understand the anger, shame, and guilt of having been used so violently? She felt so alone. Scully finally decided to go to the support group. She called the number of the meeting on the sheet that was closest to her. The group held their meetings Wednesdays at 7 o'clock once a month at a local hospital about a half hour's drive from her apartment. Arriving on the second floor, she took a right and walked down the long corridor until locating room 223B. Walking into the room, it was not at all like she had imagined. Visions of a semi-darkened room with folding chairs in it occupied by depressed looking people had flitted through her mind these past few days. However, this was very different than what her active imagination had conjured up. These people looked relatively cheerful and there was a noticeable absence of cold, metal chairs. The area was about the size of a small conference room with a circular table in the middle. The chairs were cushioned and sat on coasters. Towards the back was a small table with coffee brewing, the warm smell of it drifting through the air, and a selection of store bought cookies to the left of the coffee maker. Scully smiled pleasantly at the small group and wrote her name on the sign in sheet provided. Everyone had on a name tag, so she followed their lead and made one for herself, affixing it to her blazer. The leader introduced herself as Meredith O'Brien and gave a brief overview of the last meeting. As the group members began to talk, Scully had a feeling she was the only new member. There seemed to be a familiarity with the members, telling stories and anecdotes that happened to them and their families. Finally, the leader looked at her and asked if she would like to introduce herself to everyone and tell why she was here tonight. Scully said her name and paused. "I'm . . . I'm not sure what to say. I came here because I wanted to know how others cope with this. I'm not doing very well." she admitted to the group. A young woman spoke up, Christine, according to her name badge. She was in her mid 20's with short black hair. "This group has helped me very much." she began. "I've been coming here for the past 6 months." "It was very difficult for me in the beginning." Another woman said, agreeing with Christine. "How long has it been since the rape?" Christine asked. "About 5 months." Scully replied. "It's still early for you, Dana. But, the pain and anger will lessen." "Thank you." Scully murmured. "Does anyone else have anything to add to help Dana?" Meredith interjected. One by one the women replied. Some of their stories were very personal and it surprised Scully that they risked telling her - a complete stranger these things. Many of the women also had nightmares and crying spells, but these lessened as they came to terms with the rape and coped with it. Some of the members said they still don't trust men and only a few of them said they were currently dating somebody special. Once trust is violated, it is next to impossible to recover. A middle age woman named Becky asked if Scully had someone, a friend, family member, or significant other to talk with about her fears. "Yes. I . . . don't know." she said hesitantly. "What do you mean?" "I have a very good friend, but I haven't told him about my nightmares, my fears. I don't think he'll understand." Becky's husband spoke up. "When my wife told me about the rape, I was full of anger and guilt. I felt I had let her down. I should have been there to protect her. When Becky began to open up and tell me her fears I understood more and was able to get rid of the anger and support her in healing." Did Mulder think that? Blame himself? "It's not easy for me to open up to people, to tell him . . ." "Schedule a time with him and just do it - I know it will make you feel better." Christine instructed. Yeah, schedule a time - these people had no idea about their schedules, let alone what they do for a living. "I don't know. I'll try." Scully said. (Open the door, let someone in - Ms. Cummings' words echoed through her mind yet again.). The hour was up and everyone started to congregate around the snack table. Christine asked what Scully did for a living. "I work for the FBI." Scully stated before biting into a chocolate chip cookie. "Hmm. . sounds like a mysterious job. You must know a lot of government secrets." She didn't know the half of it. "Thank you for your advice tonight, Christine." Scully said finishing off the cookie and fishing for her keys. "I hope you will take it. If you want to talk to some more - anytime." Christine offered, jotting her number on a piece of scratch paper an handing it to Scully. "I'm here." "Thanks again." Scully replied, taking the piece of paper and walking towards the door. "I hope you'll come back next month." Meredith said before Scully managed to leave. "I'll try." It seemed like she was saying that a lot lately. To everybody. Scully left feeling better and hopeful about the future - things would get better. She felt empowered. It had been a long time since happened. However, it would only last so long. ***** Later that night, while getting for bed the phone rang. "Hello." Scully said. "Dana, how are you?" No. It wasn't. It couldn't be. No. "It's me, Kevin." The sound of his voice alone made her shudder. What could he be doing, why would he call? "I want to talk." He stated. "I have nothing to say to you." she managed to get out before slamming the phone down on its cradle. "Wait . . ." Scully heard his plea before hanging up. Why? Why? What did he want? Where was he? Oh God. She got up and made sure the front door was securely locked. It was. Scully put the gun on her night table and feared it would be a long night. She thought about calling Mulder, but what could he do? He could comfort her. That would be good, but fleeting. It was only a phone call. You're overreacting. Kevin won't hurt you again. However, the thought of Mulder's arms around her would be nice. Scully remembered back to the night of the rape when she slept in his bed with him all night. She ended up spending the weekend there. Mulder got her whatever she needed - no questions asked. Mostly, she just slept and forced herself to eat when she was too hungry. He never asked her anything about the rape except wondering if Kevin hit her. She never volunteered anything else, thinking he didn't want to or couldn't hear it. One moment that stuck in her mind was when she was lying on the couch watching the news and a story about a rape came on. Being so fresh in her mind, she started to cry during the newscast. Mulder came into the room and knelt down beside her stroking her hair softly, until he realized what was on the television and immediately shut it off. His arms came around her lifting her off the couch and into the other room, placing her gently on his bed. She felt him kiss her forehead, felt the warmth of his body next to hers as she cried again. A warm smile came across her face at that memory as she drifted off to sleep. ***** The next morning Scully decided to order new locks and a deadbolt set for her door. Besides, the other one was old and had been there when she moved in, presumably purchased by the previous owners. So, she was a couple hours late to work. She rushed through the door, dropping her stuff on the chair in front of the desk, preparing for a barrage of questions from her partner, but he just stated the obvious. "You're late." He said before proceeding to tell her about a new case that had come to him via e-mail requesting his help. It was another UFO thing again. Scully barely listened to his explanations and possible theories as she was still unnerved about Kevin's phone call last night. "Scully, did you hear what I said?" "What?" "We leave tomorrow, so you probably want to go home and pack your stuff." Mulder informed her handing her the ticket. "Right. I . . .I've got some errands to run so I'll see you at Dulles tomorrow at nine, Ok?" she asked gathering her belongings before rushing out the door without a confirmation of the time from her partner. Mulder got up from the desk and looked down at the chair, spying a thin piece of paper. It was a receipt for a new set of door locks. In her hurry to leave, it must have dropped out of her coat or purse. He picked it up and the paper confirmed a new set of locks ordered by a Dana Scully and listed her address at the top. He wasn't surprised that she wanted extra security in light of what happened. However, he wished he could make her feel safe. Scully rifled through her drawers and closet, putting the contents in her suitcase and the linen suits in the garment bag. This was good, leaving town. She didn't have to worry about Kevin calling - at least for awhile. What was the case again? She vaguely remembered what Mulder said. ***** The week had past quickly, the case occupying their time. However, nothing was right as they walked back through the airport arguing. "I expected a little more enthusiasm from you, Scully." Scully knew she wasn't giving him a hundred percent, but she couldn't get Kevin's phone call off of her mind this past week. "You barely listened to any of the authorities, almost brushing them off when they spoke." Mulder stated. "Hey, I did the autopsies, like you asked and could find no conclusive proof of death or anything else for that matter. So, why don't you back off, all right?" she said angrily. "Maybe our next assignment will be a little better and hold your interest more." Mulder said. "Let's not do this. I'm tired and just want to go home." "Fine. I think we need some time apart. I know I do." Mulder told her. "Me too." she agreed. But, his words still hurt. They both walked silently together until reaching their respective cars. ***** Scully got back to her apartment and dropped her suitcases. Going over to the machine, she pressed play. Her mother asked to have lunch with her next week. She smiled at that thought. However, her mood quickly changed at the next caller. It was Kevin. In fact, the next five messages were from him. He apologized and asked, no pleaded for her to call him. The other messages were about the same, but they sounded more desperate and needy. Scully erased them, not wanting to hear his voice ever again. She was shaking just from having to listen to that voice. She remembered the last time he spoke to her with so much anger and violence. (I thought we had something special, Dana) (Relax, you'll enjoy it) She tried to unpack, but was still distraught, so she just sat on the couch staring at her answering machine like it was going to come to life at any moment. A second chance? Never. How could he even think about that? Replaying their relationship in her mind, she tried to find something, anything that could have given her a sign that he would rape her. Scully couldn't recall any situation, gesture, or tone of voice that would have led her to that conclusion. The phone rang. No. No. Her heart rate doubled and she didn't want to answer it. She picked it up and pressed the button to hang up on the caller. A couple minutes later, it rang again. She unplugged it. Scully focused her energy on unpacking and going through her mail from the past week. Just as she was finishing that task, there was a knock at the door. She jumped and grabbed her gun. It couldn't be him, could it? The knocking became louder and then she heard Mulder's voice. He tried his key wondering if it still worked or the locks had been replaced already. It worked. "Scully, why didn't you answer?" he asked coming through the door. "I was just coming to open it." she managed to get out. "What wrong with your phone? I tried to call, but . . ." "That was you calling?" she asked. "Yes. I was calling to apologize for snapping at you earlier. I was just tired from . . ." his voice trailed off as he noticed the gun in her hand. Scully put it down on the table and looked back at her partner. "Scully, why are you holding your gun?" "I . . . I was just taking it out of my . . . my holster and . . ." she looked at the floor unable to finish the lie. "Scully, what wrong?" Mulder asked coming closer to her. She looked at her partner with tears in her eyes. There was no point in lying to him now. "Kevin called." "What!?" "He left messages on my machine and he called a couple weeks ago, too." Mulder pressed the play button to hear the messages. "There's none on here." "I erased them." "Why? That could be . . ." Mulder started. "I can't hear his voice. I can't . . . I can't. No, he can't do this to me." Scully said moving to sit on the couch. She covered her face with her hands. Mulder knelt down in front of her. "He's not going to do anything to you." "What if he comes over here? What if he comes to the office? I won't let him hurt me again." Scully cried. "I won't let him hurt you. He won't touch you again." Mulder promised. "Do you blame yourself?" she asked. "What do you mean?" Mulder moved to sit next to her. "It was something we discussed at the support group. One of the member's wives spoke up and said he blamed himself for not being there, for not being able to protect her." she explained to him. Mulder looked down at the floor, trying to have the courage to tell her how he replayed that night in his mind over and over again. "I keep thinking that if I came over a few minutes earlier I could have prevented it. I can't get the image of you lying on the floor out of my mind. I would have given anything for . . ." his voice trailed off becoming shaky. Scully reached for his hand. "I don't blame you, Mulder." "That's great, Scully, but it doesn't make me feel any better. I should have known somehow." "You couldn't have known that he'd rape me, Mulder. I didn't think he was like that - that he could be that violent." She said. "I wished it never happened to you - the hurt and pain of it physically and emotionally. I wouldn't see the fear in your eyes. Hear it in your voice. But, most of all there wouldn't be this bridge between us. This bridge you won't let me cross." Scully stared at him. That about summed up their relationship these past months. "I know. I thought that you wouldn't understand - couldn't understand how much emotional damage Kevin did to me." I . . . I wanted to tell you that I was sorry for shutting you out that night at the motel room. I didn't think you'd understand about my nightmares and fears." Scully said a little nervous. "I'd like to try. Tell me." Scully cleared her throat, trying to keep the tears at bay. "The nightmares come and go. I'm being held down by something or someone and can't get free. I know it's about the rape and Kevin. I . . . I'd just like to feel safe again. The therapy and support group has helped but now it's all coming back and I feel like I'm not in control again, since he's been calling. I'm afraid again and . . I can't . ." Scully explained through the tears. "Mulder, I don't want to feel like this. I can't . . . I can't feel this way. It's effecting my work and . . ." "I understand. I want to help you. Please let me in." Mulder asked taking her hands in his. Scully nodded through the tears. "Hold me. Just hold me, Mulder." Mulder wrapped his arms around her pulling her against him. Scully laid her head on his chest and closed her eyes trying to shut out everything else except this one moment. ***** "Will you do something for me, Mulder?" Scully asked after laying in his arms for what seemed like forever, but not nearly long enough. "Anything." "Stay here tonight - I just don't want to be alone right now." she said. "Of course I will." "Thank you." Scully murmured. "So, Scully what do you want to do?" She smiled at him. The first one in a long time. They ended up doing nothing but watch TV and eat Chinese food. It was great. She was able to relax and not think about Kevin's phone calls. Sometime around 11 o'clock Scully went to bed. The gun was still by her bed, as if that could ward off the nightmares. It didn't. They came again, but this time more violent. She now saw it was Kevin restraining her. He was hurting her again and she still couldn't reach her gun. Scully awoke with a scream. She quickly turned on the bedside lamp. Mulder came into her room looking like she had just jarred him out of a sound sleep. He sat next to her on the edge of the bed. Scully held her arms out to him and Mulder was more than ready to comfort her. He moved onto the bed and cradled her against his body. "Don't let go." Scully said weakly. "I won't." He didn't, not once during the whole night. ***** The next morning, Scully awakened still lying in Mulder's arms. The first thing she felt was the warmth. It radiated all through her body. She was pressed into his body, his arms holding her lightly in place. This felt too good. The nightmares didn't return, as if Mulder was a talisman against the vivid images of her subconscious. Scully untangled herself from her sleeping partner, going into the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee. Walking back into the bedroom with two steaming mugs of coffee, Scully noticed he was still asleep. Placing the hot mugs on the night table, she sat down next to him. As he slept, she slowly stroked his hair liking the soft feel of it between her fingers. Mulder began to stir and Scully quickly withdrew her hand. "Good morning." "Morning." he mumbled. "I brought you some coffee." "Breakfast in bed, Scully?" he asked. She looked down, a little embarrassed by his remark. "How did you sleep?" he asked changing the subject. "Good. No more nightmares. It must have been you." she blurted out too quickly. Mulder moved closer to her, caressing her cheek. "Whatever I did I'm glad it worked. I'm glad you slept well." "Mulder . . . I . ." He silenced her by kissing her softly on the lips. Scully looked surprised. Startled. "I'm sorry, Scully." Mulder said, moving away. "I shouldn't have done that." "No, wait. Don't be." Scully touched his shoulder and he moved back to face her. "I liked it." He smiled at her. "It was just an unexpected surprise, that's all." She said before returning the kiss. ***** Since they talked and the night they spent in each other's arms, Scully felt much better. It wasn't like she doubted her therapist's advice or the support group's for that matter, she was just nervous about telling Mulder all her fears during these past months. She trusted him more than anyone else, but this was so horrifying and traumatic for her, let alone sharing it with someone else. However, Mulder wasn't just *someone* else. He was her partner, best friend, and the man she loved. Yes, Scully loved him. The days and weeks that passed were wonderful. They began to grow closer together. It was the little things that meant the most to her. The hugs he would give her for no reason at all. It made her feel special. Needed. Wanted. The soft kisses when they were alone. Many times she didn't want him to let go. She wished she could stay with him all night, instead of going to her room or back to her empty apartment. Was she really ready for that? Making love with him? It wasn't that she was afraid of Mulder. She was afraid of the thoughts that might come into her mind. That's what frightened her. Those horrible images of the rape might come into her mind as Mulder made love to her. Scully couldn't do that to herself, or Mulder for that matter. She was so lucky to have this man in her life. He was there for her no matter what happened. They had been through so much together, which kept bringing them closer and closer. She was comfortable with where the relationship was at now. But, she still wanted to spend more time with him. Alone. Not on a case, alone. Together alone. After a long week, Scully asked him to come over for dinner. God, she was so nervous. Dressed in a long turquoise scoop neck dress and smelling of her favorite perfume, she was on a mission. It was to seduce Mulder. Hopefully, her agenda would work. She could do it. The rape would not come back to haunt her - she wouldn't let it. It was their time now. They had waited long enough. This night was going to end with them making love. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, the face that reflected back at her was a woman trying to take back her life. Slowly, but it was happening. She was feeling more confident and assured. The knock at the door startled her back to the present. Scully walked to the door with a smile on her face. However, the smile faded when she opened it. "Hi Dana." It was Kevin. Scully tried to push the door shut, but he stopped her. "I want to talk." he said walking into her apartment. "I don't have anything to say to you, Kevin." Scully moved as far away from him as she could while trying to remember where she put her gun. "You look beautiful." (No, don't say that. This isn't for you. It's for Mulder.) "You need to leave. Now." Scully was becoming afraid and angry. "I want to try again, Dana. We could . . ." "Try again? What the hell are you talking about? You raped me!" "I'm sorry about that." Kevin said. Like it wasn't a big deal. "You're . . . sorry? You have no idea what I've been through these past months." Scully stopped knowing this would be lost on him. "I waited this long and thought that you would have forgiven me by now." "This is not something you forgive. I thought I told you to leave." Her gun was on the kitchen counter. "Dana, wait . . ." Kevin reached out and touched her arm. (No, he's not going to touch me again. He's not going to hurt me.) Scully grabbed her gun off the counter and pointed it at him. "I want you to get out of here now, you son of a bitch!" "Look . . ." "Get out!" she began to pull back the trigger. Kevin turned and walked through the door muttering under his breath. Scully rushed to the door, shutting, locking it and securing the deadbolt. The gun was still grasped tightly in her hand. She prayed he was really gone and not just waiting somewhere in her building. He wouldn't come back. She did it. Stood up to him. He couldn't hurt her anymore. The tears rolled down her cheeks, but she wasn't sad. In fact, she felt better than she had in a long time. Another knock at the door. She checked to make sure it was Mulder. Unlocking the door, she let him in. "Scully, what's wrong?" he asked, noticing the tears on her face. "I'm all right. Now." "What do you mean now? What happened?" "Kevin was just here." "What?! That bastard won't take no for an answer! Did he hurt you?" His voice was filled with concern. "No. I won't let him hurt me again." she stated. "I had to point the gun at him before he got the message and left." Mulder smiled at her. "I'm glad. You did it." "I did, didn't I?" She smiled through the tears. He came closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. "I did it, Mulder. He can't hurt me anymore." Mulder kissed her softly on the forehead. "Yes. You did." Then she remembered dinner. Rushing away from him, she noticed the pasta was cold. Looking in the oven, the bread was burned. "I'm sorry, Mulder." "It's Ok, Scully." "No, it's not. Tonight was supposed to be perfect and now it's ruined. Everything." "It's just food, Scully. We'll have other dinners together." (But, tonight was the night) Scully sighed. Of course, he didn't know that. "You know what we can do. . ." he began. "What?" she asked. "Let's make more. It won't take very long." She smiled at him. "Did I tell you how beautiful you look?" "No." she said. "Well, I should have. You look beautiful, Scully." ***** They made dinner together. Kevin's visit was not spoken about again. Scully tried to enjoy dinner, but she kept thinking about what she had planned for later in the evening. Hoping he wouldn't leave too soon. Mulder seemed to be enjoying himself. They didn't talk about work like usual. Instead the conversation centered around their past - growing up, school, jobs, family. More about Scully's family than Mulder's which wasn't surprising. She was just beginning to relax a little when dinner was over. Mulder volunteered to clean up and do the dishes. Scully knew this was her window of opportunity. She excused herself, saying she needed to use the restroom. Instead, she changed into a nightgown that she had purchased a couple of weeks ago. She liked it, but secretly wanted to wear it for Mulder. The nightgown was ice blue silk that reached to just above her ankles with lace on the bodice held up by spaghetti straps. Grabbing her robe out of the closet, she tied it around her concealing what was underneath. Mulder was sitting on the couch watching television when she returned. "Going to bed early?" he asked. "No . . . I just wanted to get comfortable." she said quickly. "Come here." he said. Scully sat down next to him. Mulder put his arms around her as she settled into his embrace. She had to get the TV off. Scully moved up to kiss him. He got the message and kissed her back. Soon they were making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers. The TV was turned off in the process, probably because one of them was sitting on the remote. Mulder lifted her onto his lap. His hands were tangled in her hair; his lips trailing kisses on the soft skin of her neck. Scully wanted them to be in the bedroom by now. She pulled herself away from him and got off the couch. Mulder had a puzzled look on his face. She extended her hand to him. He reached for it and she led him into the bedroom. They were both standing beside the bed looking at each other, waiting for someone to break the silence. Scully untied her robe and let it fall to the floor. Mulder just looked at her unable to speak for a few seconds. "Oh, Scully . . ." "Do you like it?" "Yes." he breathed. "Very much." "I'm glad." she said before reaching up to unbutton his shirt. He stilled her hands. "Scully, are you really ready for this?" "I . . . I don't know, but I want to try." Mulder was still unconvinced. She saw a look of uncertainty in his eyes. "Mulder, I want to make love with you." she said. "More than anything else." He took her face in both of his hands and kissed her with all the passion that had manifested over the years. That one kiss told her everything he felt for her - friendship, commitment, and most of all love. The love he could finally show her. He broke the kiss and moved his hands down the sides of her body feeling the silk of the nightgown and the softness of her skin all at once. She gasped when his fingers brushed the sides of her breasts. The nightgown was bunched up by his strong hands and lifted over her head. She was unafraid. Just missed the feel of his hands on her skin. Mulder quickly removed his clothing and lowered them both to the bed. His hands moved over her body with gentle, loving caresses. Scully closed her eyes wishing it would never end. She was unable to speak, only soft moans escaped from her lips. He stopped only once to ask her again if she was sure. "I'm fine, Mulder" she breathed. This time she truly meant it. END Well, this was a long one for me. Comments, praises, and general observations are always welcomed - L.