Some Gift
By RocketMan

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Summary: Post-EMILY::::::SPOILER FOR US5::::::::
Dedicated to Anne, for this poem and the encouragement.

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"To Evan"
"I wanted to give him some gift,
The breath of my breath, the look of my eyes. . .

Small child dying slowly,
With brave blue intelligent eyes. . .
 
Tenacious life in this little form
That will soon vanish from it entirely. . .

Breath of my breath, the look of my eyes,
This is all upon earth, under heaven
I can give him, a child dying, and I unwise. . .

Farewell, fair spirit. . .
I pass away silently and see him no more." 
~Richard Eberhart
====================

It was awful, the way her body was so still on the bed and lying there
limp even though, technically, she was still alive.

No smiles even before this, so no smiles now.

She hadn't even looked faintly amused when Mulder had cracked the Potato
face on her in an attempt to show Scully that he was cool with the idea
of her having a daughter, when in fact it scared him crazy.

Scully did not equate with a little three-year old in his mind.

But watching through the door, acting as both a guard and perhaps,
father, he could feel the lifelessness of the place, of the tiny child
unmoving in there.

Scully was draped across her as if she could shield Death's greedy hands
from her little girl.

He rose and opened the door and she jerked awake, raising up and
blinking and twisting to see him.

She did not move from her place on the bed, but sat dry eyed there,
watching him just as he had been watching her.

"I wish it could be different," he said.

She gave him a withering look that made him wince.

"Sorry, I'm not too sure what to say, Scully."

"She's dying, Mulder. She's mine yet she's not mine and she's dying
because of it. She didn't ask to have this happen to her. . . "

"I know. I know. And I wish . . . I wish you could take her home, raise
her with all that love I see in you."

Scully kind of reeled away from his words and placed a shaking hand to
Emily's forehead. "She keeps getting hotter and hotter. I give her the
baths that are supposed to take her temp down, but nothing works,
Mulder. Nothing works. I can't do anything to help her. She's my little
girl and I'm a doctor, but I'm powerless."

He crawled up and sat down beside her, placing one hand on Emily's leg,
and the other reached for Scully's fingers.

If things were normal, or hell, if Emily were just okay, he'd offer to
help raise Emily, help get her custody and build a real life.

He needed a real life and so did she. A real life before this all got
crazy and way too much for them.

A new nurse walked in, her face so fresh Scully bet she had just
graduated from nursing school that morning. The woman had put on a
falsely sad face that showed she had not been working in Peadiatric ICU
for long.

"Ms. Scully, I --. Oh. Is this your husband? Emily's father?"

The look of fake pity given to him made his stomach curl and he felt
like throwing the idiot out of the entire hospital, but mostly it was
his grief thinking.

Scully said nothing so neither did he and he got the feeling she was
trying to unnerve fresh face.

"Anyway, Mr. and Ms. Scully. It appears that Emily's heart rate is going
down and well . . . she doesn't have long."

To hear such awful news from such an insensitive woman made Mulder half
rise to slap her, but Scully put a hand on his arm and he simply stared
murderously at fresh face until the woman left.

He turned to Scully and caught her just as she fell toward him,
trembling.

"It's not right, this isn't right at all." she said.

He admired her for still being there, let alone the way she was letting
all this swirl around in her. She normally didn't allow emotions to
surface, but tonight, he had the rare gift of seeing Dana.

He'd give it back if it meant having Emily.

"Oh Mulder, I'm so sorry."

Her words did not make sense and he simply watched her run her fingers
through Emily's sweaty hair.

"If someone told me that by killing myself, I'd save her, I'd do it. I'd
kill myself and not even think about it."

He felt his heart split. 

He grabbed her shoulders and held her close to him, supporting her even
as she slumped into herself.

"If you did, Scully. I'd take care of her. I would devote my life to
it."

She glanced up at him and he saw the struggle across her face to not
simply bawl in front of him.

"I know," she whispered.

He saw the stray tears squeeze from her eyes and the way her glance
always flickered to the heart moniter, to make sure.

He decided he should leave.

"I'll let you be alone." he whispered, and moved to stand.

She grabbed his hand.

"Please don't leave me." she whispered.

It was about the smallest gift he could give her right now, but also the
only one within his power.

He sat back down on the other side of Emily, holding one of Scully's
hands as she clasped a slack one of Emily's and he did the same.

"We're her family, right now," Scully said.

He could tell she wished it were true with all her heart.

He nodded painfully, but willingly bought into the delusion.

"We're her family."

And then, he watched his little girl die.

~~~~

end
adios
RM