I'll Be Around RocketMan lebontrager@harding.edu Disclaimer: Not mine. Belong to horrible man that is slowly killing us all. I'll Be Around is a song by Michael W. Smith Rating: Not sure. Hmmm.......PG13? Content Warning: Character dies. (No Kidding....he doesn't come back, either.) Spoilers: FOURTH SEASON!!!! post Harold Spueller pre-Demons, Gethsemane. Author's Notes: This isn't fluff. Beware of dog. He's got terrible fangs and his bark is as bad as his bite. ============ "For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth." 2 Cor. 13:8 ============ I'll Be Around I know sometimes it's hard for you To keep your feet upon the path that you've Chosen It's not for you to walk alone Together we can take this road where it's Going - Hang on. Fox Mulder was going to scream. The pent-up rage formed by constantly rejected concern was eating an acidic hole through his pysche and he was about to smash his hand into the wall with frustration. He wanted to feel useful to her, as if in some way his strength could make up what he'd taken from her, but all she did was push him away, cut him off. He needed to help her, in any way he could, and she was rejecting that offer, rejecting him. She had sent him off to look for the truth while she suffered, had made him promise that the Truth would always come first in his life. Well, he didn't want that anymore. She came first and he wasn't going to supplant his search for her life. Didn't she see he had to be there? That she couldn't make it all alone? Maybe she didn't because he had never told her. He had the wonderfully anal tendency to shut things off when it hurt too much. Someone dies; Mulder shuts the door. Someone cries; Mulder turns off the faucet. Someone talks about feelings; Mulder closes a window. It was about time he explained to her that she didn't have to do this alone, that she couldn't do this alone. He knew all about loneliness and its deep dark valleys. Why should she suffer through that when she had an experienced guide to help her? He picked up the phone before the fluttering in his chest could take back control and dialed her home phone number. She picked up on the fourth ring. "Scully." came her calm voice, a little low. What was he doing? She was in a good mood, why mess with it? "Hey, it's me." he sighed. "Mulder." Her voice was warm and genuinely surprised. "Are you alright?" Was that the only reason he called her anymore? "I'm . . . doing as good as can be expected." he said honestly. "What about you?" She was immensely thrown off balance by his sudden personality change. "I'm . . . I'm okay. I feel good. A little tired maybe." He felt elated at her confession of weakness. Well, not weakness, just something other than I'm fine. "Oh, that's pretty good, Scully. I won't talk to long then." "Oh, don't let it stop you," she said. He recognized the irony. "Hasn't ever seemed to stop before, huh?" She sighed. "Mulder, in this conversation, let's refrain from crucifying ourselves, huh?" she said bitingly. He was a little taken aback, a little frightened by her sudden fresh honesty, but he'd initiated it and dealt it out, so he'd better be ready to eat it. "Okay, deal." he said, with a small smile. "So why'd you call, Mulder?" "Well, to really say some things that I think I need to say, that I think you need to hear." She sighed. "Mulder, I don't want to get into this tonight." "No, no, no. I'm not trying to fight with you or anything. I just have to get this off my mind." "Mulder....." "So I can sleep tonight, Scully? Please?" "Mulder, I will not be guilted into talking with you." "Okay. Can you be bribed?" he said, only halfway joking. "Depends on the bribe, Mulder." she said archly. "I can think of some pretty tempting offers, but they all involve whipped cream and t-" "Mulder!" she said, cutting off his filthy thought. "How about we never have to do this again after tonight?" He sighed. "Scully......I can't do-" "I know, Mulder. Just start talking, alright?" "I'll make it up to you, I promise." he said. "Okay, what I need to say is this......" A long pause. "Forgotten already, Mulder?" "No!" he said. "Just trying to think before I speak, you know it cuts down on the stupid things you say." "Oh, really? I hadn't noticed. You always jump in headfirst with everything. Don't change on me now." "....Scully, I know you're afraid." "Well, how's that for jumping right in?" she said softly. "I'm afraid Scully, and I don't know what kind of comfort I can give you. You won't let me - even though I can see it. I want you to know I'm here, with your heart, not just your brain. I'm here, walking right along beside you down this path, even if you don't want me too, I am anyway. I've walked through despair and fear so many times, Scully, I'm a native. So let me guide you, please. I see you making the same turns I have and still do and I know they only lead to dead ends . . . and it hurts Scully. It physically hurts." "Mulder, I don't intend to hurt you. But I have to do some things alone, you know. I can't have my mother lead me by my hand my whole life. I need to learn things on my own, make my own mistakes." "I understand that, Scully. All I'm asking is that you don't totally ignore me. I have free advice, ya know, open twenty-four hours a day. I'd like to hold your hand and pull you right out of it, but I can't. I'm frustrated and I need to do something to help. I want to do something to help." "But, Mulder-" "Please, Scully. I've had your strength for so long. Give me a chance to give that gift back. I don't have much to give, but I'll give all I've got." "Mulder, I know you want to help, and I'd like that. I think it's great. It's just . . . I don't want you hovering, or making all my decisions for me, or taking over my life. I have so little left, Mulder. I need control over what I do have left." "How about........How about, Scully, I just say that I'll be around, okay?" "What do you mean?" "When you're ready to talk, to come to me, to let me be the strength you need, I'll be around." "Around?" It sounded so vague. "I may be on some wild quest for the truth or on a mad hunt for aliens, or even in a fight with you, but I'll still be around. The moment you feel it starting to close in on you, I'll be there. For now, though, while your own strength can support you, I'll be around, waiting for you." She liked that. It sounded as if she could still call the shots in her own life, and yet have Mulder's reassuring presence. "You'll be around," she said softly. "I like that, Mulder. Thank....thank you for this. You've given me a great gift, Mulder." "Okay.....well.......great........Just promise to call me when you do need me, and I'll see you around." "Promise. Yeah, I'll see you around." she said. Neither could say good-bye, so they simply hung-up. I'll walk this road with you Wherever it may wind And I'll be around Come what may So don't give up and don't give in We will stand together till the end And I'll be around. you like??? It's short, and more how I thought a touchy-feely conversation between them would go. She's not backing down from her firm insistance that she is FINE. Okay, so feedback, remember? Adios, RocketMan==>