===========
The Emilys
Exodus
Chapter One
===========

"Okay, sweetheart, this will sting just a little."

Libby's face screwed up and her eyes squinted shut as the hydrogen
peroxide was poured over her knee. She gasped a bit and her eyes
flew open, looking at Mulder as if she'd been betrayed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It'll stop hurting, I promise." Mulder
said, stroking her hair briefly, wishing Scully was there to do
that kind of thing.

He dabbed at the long gash with a washcloth and dried it as best
he could with a Kleenex. The Batman Band-Aid went on and a smile
came from Libby's tightly pressed together lips.

"You're okay, sweetheart. You're okay."

Mulder kissed her forehead and picked her up off the bathroom
counter, setting her on the floor once more.

Libby ran for the apartment door and was met by her friend from
down the hall, and they took off to play outside again.

Mulder watched them from the window, not only to make sure they
played safely, but to make sure no one was out there, ready to
take his daughter.

"Mulder?" 

The voice came softly and he looked up to see Scully in the
doorway, home from work, her hands twisting the corner of her lab
coat, eyes troubled.

"I think we're going to have to move."

A shudder went down his spine and he glanced briefly out the
window again, eyes searching for the hidden man in the shadows
that he knew would be there.

"Why now?"

"Someone approached me."

"What? What do you mean?"

She had his full attention now. He was stiff, poised on the balls
of his feet as if waiting for the attack.

She walked calmly to him and guided him to the couch, then sat
beside him, knowing that he was waiting for an answer, but also
knowing that she had to phrase it exactly right.

"It's all so unvbelievable," she muttered.

He snorted. "Never thought I'd hear you say that," sarcasm heavy
in his voice.

She raised her eyes at him and gave him a look. "Just listen, all
right? And don't say anything until I finish."

He shut his mouth quickly, angered by her coldness.

"Someone approached me today, after I got off the subway and was
in that one spot I told you about, the one that you were worried
about because it was so dark and was a good place for Shadow
people to hide, remember?"

He merely nodded, recalling walking past the little alley off the
abandoned cleaner's, and the darkness, and the way she never
seemed to remember that it was a dangerous place.

"I was standing at the corner, waiting for the light to change so
that I could cross and he came up to me. He was in a suit, with
navy blue pin stripe and a very conservative tie that screamed
WASP, you know?"

He said nothing, only continued his vigile by the window,
automatically checking for men in navy blue pen stripe suits, men
that might take his little girl.

"So, I sort of looked at him and he said ..."

Mulder's eyes were drawn back to her face and he stared at her,
noting the incredible doubt that seared her eyes.

"He said what?" he said softly, somehow realizing that whatever
she had heard or seen hadn't been what she'd been expecting.

"He said that I ... I was with child and that we had to flee."

He sat there for a moment, as if her words hadn't made it through
yet and he continued to stare out the window.

"What ..." he began.

"He said it exactly like that too, Mulder. 'With child'. No one
talks like that anymore. No one acts like he did. The light
changed and people began shoving to get across and he simply let
them all scramble around him and he kept the same peaceful,
radiant look on his face."

He shook his head violently.

"Are you saying some escaped nut came up to you and said some
things and now you believe him?"

"He wasn't a nut."

"Then what?"

"An angel?"

"Dana Scully!"

"What the hell else do you think it was?!" she said, jumping to
her feet and avoiding his eyes, knowing that if he looked at her,
she'd lose her resolve.

"Not an angel."

"Why not?"

He was speechless, his mouth open and staring at her as if the
real Dana Scully had been taken away by aliens and this was a
clone he was talking to.

But also, only that theory could have come from her.

"You believe God has been in contact with you?"

"Stop making it sound so stupid, Mulder. I'm not crazy. The man
was there, in front of me, *talking* to me."

"I believe that you believe that!" he shouted, standing up and
rushing over to her.

She backed away from him, eyes troubled and turbulent, as if this
very idea was killing her to even discuss.

"Mulder ... whoever or whatever he was, he told me we had to get
out of here. I heard his voice. I heard it. He was *afraid* for
us. He was urgent, insisting; he demanded that we leave."

"We?"

"He said your names. Libby's, yours."

She slumped to the chair, curling up in a fetal postion as if she
could hide from this new truth.

"He knew us?"

"I guess so."

"It could be someone from the Shadow men, warning us. Like Deep
Throat, or X."

"Oh, Mulder. If you had been there, you would understand. That man
could never be a shadow ... "

He turned, eyes searching the window and the yard out back for
answers to the sudden upheaval once again in their lives.

Libby.

"Where's Libby?" she said then.

His eyes were frantic when he turned to her and she jumped out of
the chair.

"Outside. Just a second ago she was there. I don't see her ..."

They ran for the stairs and tumbled down to the bottom floor, not
even bothering to keep their feet on the steps, simply sliding and
stumbling down. They burst from the back door, the heavy wood
swinging wide and slamming into the stone bricks with a noise that
sounded like a coffin lid closing.

Mulder's calls were hoarse and cracking as he yelled her name,
running through the tangles of trees that led to the back edge of
Central Park. 

After a few minutes he no longer heard Scully behind him and he
had the sickening feeling in his gut that the Shadows had caught
her too.

He stopped in the middle of the thicket, feeling disgustingly like
Snow White, and stood still. His breath was the only sound to mar
the utter silence surrounding him.

===========

Scully had quickly lost sight of Mulder due to his urgency and
long legs and she gave up trying to keep up with him.

And then there was the man again. Looking oddly out of place in
his blue suit and nice shoes among the thorns and limbs of the
surrounding trees.

He took her hand in his and it was cool to the touch, as if he had
no blood to warm him up inside.

"Come on." he said, but just as last time, the words did not come
from his lips or vocal cords, but from inside her head.

She hadn't told Mulder that part because she hadn't been sure, but
now ... now she was.

She followed the man -- well she couldn't quite call him that --
deeper into the copse and watched as the branches seemed to
untangle before him and the trees sort of bowed to him.

Maybe it was just the brisk, cold wind blowing in from the
Sound ...

He led her to a clearing and Scully saw her little girl, sprawled
out on the ground, a man bending over her and searching the back
of her neck.

Scully's blood froze and she stood petrified until she felt the
nudge at her shoulder.

The man was there, watching her, telling her with his dark eyes
that everything was going to be all right.

Scully ran out and into the clearing, her hand reaching for a gun
that hadn't been there in months.

"Stop!" she screamed and attacked the man before he could defend
himself.

===========
He heard the yell, the sounds ahead of him and he began running
again.

He burst into the clearing and found Scully getting slammed into
the ground next to his unconscious little girl.

All thought deserted him and he pulled out his gun, his police
issue revolver that was slower than his Bureau service pistol, but
still had the power of death in its barrel.

Death arrived for the man hurting his family with painful slowness
and he fell in blood and one low scream.

And in the fallout was a man in a pin stripe suit, suddenly
bending over his little girl and handling her gently.

Mulder nodded with grim determination, then crawled next to
Scully, afraid to touch her.

"Scully?"

She groaned and her eyes flickered open, hands clenching in the
stillness.

"Libby..."

"She's okay. Your angel has her." he said, a trace of bitterness
in his voice.

"Oh ... Mulder ..." she murmured and turned her head to him, eyes
blinking and closing and blinking again.

He touched her head. "Can you move your fingers?"

She wiggled her fingers, then her toes, and then reached for his
hand. "I'm okay. No broken neck or anything." she said and sat up.

The man in blue gave her Libby's limp body and she cradled her
with shaking arms.

"Libby?"

"Mommy?" The voice was pitifully weak and Scully noticed the
slurred words and sluggish movement with a physician's clarity.

"She's been drugged, Mulder."

He took Libby in his arms and laid her against his chest, nestling
her head under his chin.

"How did you get ahead of me?" he said softly, his eyes on the
man.

Scully stood and steadied herself by holding on to his arm,
waiting for the dizziness to pass.

"He led me here. I followed him because he knew where she was."

He shook his head, inlcined to disbelieve, but something in him
screaming that this was real, this was truth.

"I thank you, sir, for --"

"That's all right. You see now. You must leave. Your family is in
danger."

Mulder looked at her with raised eyes and she frowned at him.

"Why?"

"You are in danger. They want what is not theirs back again. They
want her back again. And because they know."

"Know what?"

"That she has done what others could not."

"Who? Libby, or Dana?"

A faint smile and then a sort of amused laugh. "Both."

"What's going on? Won't you at least tell me what I have to do to
protect them?"

"Leave here. Leave now."

"Besides that! Damn you, I *know* that already!"

The man's face turned cloudy and his eyes were dark and angered.

"Damn nothing, Mr. Mulder, lest you damn yourself."

And then the trees were whispering, and he was gone.

He turned and saw that Scully was shaking.

===========

"Mulder! We have to leave! No matter *what* he said to us, or even
if he was real! Someone tried to *kill* Libby. They know."

She was almost pleading with him, knowing that he could be very
stubborn, very obstinate when he thought it was a matter of pride,
of proving himself.

"If we run, they'll know, Scully."

"They already know. You've seen them following us. I've watched
them watch Libby. I've seen your eyes when you don't think I'm
watching you. You're afraid!"

"That's right. I am afraid. I'm afraid even more now, because
there's a real nut acting like God or something and knowing way
too much about what's going on to let me trust him."

"He helped us Mulder."

"It sure looked like it, hunh?"

She sighed and shook her head, keeping the tears of frustration
and desperation from her eyes. She bit down on her lip and made
up her mind, praying at once for his forgiveness.

"I'm leaving, Mulder."

"What!"

She wouldn't look at him, only shakingly took out a bag and began
throwing things in it, clothes, Libby's favorite book, money, her
wedding ring ...

A pause and silence.

She fingered the ring and laid it back down on the dresser.

"You can decide now, Mulder. This is your chance to get out of it.
You don't love me like that anyway, and you've been getting pretty
sick of not having the X-Files, I know. But we'll be leaving. I
can't let anyone get to Libby, I can't stay here knowing that
there are Shadows that can so easily get to her."

She turned and walked from their bedroom, trying as hard as she
could to block out whatever noises he was making from behind her.

She didn't even get a chance to make it to the hallway.

He grabbed her and yanked her around, a sound like a desperate sob
rising in his throat.

"I'm *not* leaving you. I'm not letting you walk away with the
only -- the only part of my life that makes it worth living."

She pulled out of his tight grip. "Then stop licking your wounded
pride and *help* me."

He took her hand and pressed something into it.

The ring.

She looked up at him and his eyes begged her.

The ring was light and a shiny soft gold that fit perfectly onto
her finger.

It slid on gently and reflected the light from the hall, a mirror
image of his eyes appearing in its surface.

She pressed her head into his chest for one brief moment, needing
his security.

She had thought he would take his chance and leave.

He hadn't left. He hadn't left.

===========
Exodus
Chapter Two
===========

That night, Libby would not go to her own bedroom and she crawled
up between Mulder and Dana and fell alseep, her small body curled
around Mulder.

Dana was glad Libby had come because she didn't want to be alone
with Mulder tonight; she was afraid they'd fight again, and things
were so fragile now.

She twisted the ring on her finger, surprised she had not taken it
off before bed, but knowing that if she had, it would have been a
kind of death to him.

He did not want to be without her, or Libby, his eyes had made
that clear, but what did he want? Did he want an easy life, a
happy life? Or the perpetual gloom and despair he seemed to
radiate?

She wanted to leave now, and Mulder wanted to wait. He said that
their Shadows wouldn't try anything now and it was best to wait.

Scully was too tired to fight about it anymore and she had gone to
bed, prompting Libby and Mulder to follow.

She laid there, remembering the encounter with the pin stripe man
and his smile, the little bit of peace that seemed to radiate from
him in glowing waves. She knew she could trust him. She just had
to get Mulder to.

Libby's safety depended on it.

>The man said I was with child.<

With child.

Did he just mean Libby ... or what she thought he meant? 

No. It was impossible. Mulder had told her; she had confirmed it.
She had lamented it and howled about it and sobbed and grown cold
and indifferent to it. It was impossible.

But if he was really an angel ... if he was then it could be a
true miracle.

But she couldn't get her hopes up. What if she wasn't? She
couldn't be. There was no time for it anymore. And if they did
have to leave, then it would be very inconvenient.

But a baby ...

She traced her hand along her stomach and caressed the warmth. Did
she imagine a little heart beat?

===========

Mulder stirred and opened his eyes, his senses immediately filling
in the night time stillness with the movements and the sounds he
knew were there. 

He felt the warmth of his little girl's arm flung across his chest
and the coolness of the sheets. Then he heard her breathing and
the outside noises.

Then he heard something else.

It was what had awakened him.

He reached over and touched Scully softly, squeezing on her arm
until she slowly awoke.

She tensed to feel his anxiousness and lifted her head to see over
Libby and into his eyes.

He motioned for her to listen and her eyes closed in
concentration. She tuned out his breathing, blocked Libby's
sleeping sounds, and eliminated the night noises. It was a trick
Mulder had taught her once when she had woken afraid.

She heard it. 

A sound of a key in the lock and a shuffling, like feet moving
from side to side.

She nodded and wet her lips, then rose from the bed and drew
Mulder's gun from the little drawer on the dresser. It was cold
and heavy and almost uncomfortable after so long without one.

It quickly became familiar and she slipped out of the bedroom.

Mulder came up behind her after he had untangled himself from
Libby and she felt his heat at her back.

"Left," he whispered and she detoured left and let him go right.
They met at opposite sides of the door and stood off to the side.

Suddenly the door swung open and Mulder was fighting and she
didn't have a clear shot and the man was hurting him ...

"Stop!" she yelled.

The man froze at the sound of the cocking of a gun and backed away
from Mulder, turning to see her.

It was the pin stripe suit man.

She lowered the gun and Mulder glanced harshly at her, his eyes
clearly saying he did not trust the man.

"I have come for you," the man said and held out his hand.

The gun took a life of its own and slumped out of her fingers and
into his hand, then was gone.

She gaped at him then realized that he had pocketed it, not made
it vanish.

Mulder was quickly at her side, standing slightly in front of her
in case the man tried anything.

"Mr. Mulder, I know you are trying to protect your family. But I'm
not the enemy. There are dark forces who conspire against you and
I have been sent here to make sure you get away before they can do
anything."

"Why now? Why sneak into our house like a snake?"

"It is not as a snake," he said, his voice scathing. "It is like
a Fox."

Mulder's jaw set and the muscles worked up and down, jumping along
his mouth and cheek. "Why are you here? Can't it wait till
morning?"

"No, it cannot. They are coming for you now."

"What?"

Scully came up and stood in front of him, fingering the cross
necklace on the chain around her neck. "You will help us?"

"Yes. We must leave now. They want what you have managed to
create."

"What's that?" Mulder said, eyes still wary. For all he knew, this
was a Shadow man coming to take them.

"Life. Love. You have it and no others of her kind do."

"Whose kind?"

"Your daughters and sons are placed with fathers and mothers and
homes and they do not have this. They have no love in them, or
they hurt others, or they do not talk, or they do not eat. Every
time there is something wrong. Except Libby."

Mulder stared back at him, his mouth dropping and his eyes slack
and unfocused as he absorbed this. His children, the other Emilys,
were somewhere hurting or unloved. And he had not found them.
Instead the Shadows had found his little girl.

He looked at Scully and her eyes held the dimness that crept up on
them whenever he had come home with another name scratched off the
list.

"We must leave now. I have everything ready for you. Money and
jobs and papers and passports and marriage certificates.
Everything for you to change identities completely about four
times."

Mulder looked at the man with shock. "Why are you doing this?"

"It is God's will," the man replied and left them, heading for
their bedroom as if he knew Libby would be there.

Scully looked at him with a kind of fever in her eyes. "Mulder, we
have to go. We have to get --"

"I know. I know. We're leaving."

He sighed and took one last look out the apartment window, his
eyes following the shapes of the trees and bushes and sidewalks
in the dark.

The Shadows were coming for them and they had to leave. 

He swore it would be the last time the Shadows would find them.

===========

In the truck, her body sprawled along the back seat and bouncing
with the uneven road, Scully finally could think.

The man had put them in the truck and handed them some papers and
had kissed Libby good-bye as if he knew her as an uncle or
brother. Then he had looked at Scully and said something very
strange.

"Keep your children away from the Shadows."

Did he mean the Emliys, or did he mean the life that might grow
inside her? She still felt a sense of half hope at the idea that
she could be pregnant. Things he had said hinted it, but Mulder
had not asked or even realized this and she could say nothing now.

"Dana?"

"Yeah?" she answered softly, realizing with a bit of sadness that
Mulder did not call her Scully any longer.

His eyes glanced in the rear view mirror for her, but saw nothing
since she was lying on the seat.

"Did you really think he was an angel?"

"Yes." she said honestly, wishing he would drop it and just forget
about it. They were on their way to another life. They did not
need fights.

"I think you might be right," he said, his words coming out
slowly and softly. "And I want to say I'm sorry for hurting you
earlier. I don't want you to think that --"

"I don't think anything Mulder. I was out of line with what I
said. You didn't deserve it. I know you do love Libby and you were
only trying to do what was right."

"I love Libby very much. I love you very much."

She made a face into the seat, wishing he would drop it. He didn't
love her like she wanted, like she needed, and she was tired of it
being a sore spot with him. She thought it would be better if she
had never had told him.

"Mulder?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't ..." She trailed off. It was hard to lie to him, hard to
openly say what she needed to in order for him to let it go. "I
think I made a mistake, when we talked on that bench. I think I
mistook devotion and kindness and dependence and friendship, and
maybe a little bit of hero worship, for something more. You do
have my love, but not ... not in the way ... well, I think we love
each other as friends and that is it."

She bit down hard on her lip to keep the tears away and was glad
he could not see her face. He would see her lies.

"Oh," he said and she could hear the disappointment. She supposed
it would be kind of disappointing, even though he did not love her
that way.

"I ... I understand. It's, ah ... yeah. I understand."

She nodded and turned in the seat to the back, so that even if he
turned around while she slept, he would not see the tracks across
her face or the pain from telling him lies.

Libby made a noise in her sleep and Mulder glanced over.

He heard a sigh, like when you have cried very hard and finally
breathe in after the long ordeal.

It sounded like the sigh of a woman giving up her dreams.

He hoped her words had not been the truth.

===========
Exodus
Chapter Three
===========

It was a long way to San Fransisco, that much he had learned. When
you couldn't just hop on a flight and go there, it was a very long
way.

Libby liked the road trip and she enjoyed running around at the
rest stops, or helping Scully buy things at the gas stations, or
singing at the top of her lungs in the car.

She sat in the front seat most of the time, letting Mulder and
Scully switch off driving and sleeping, so that neither were awake
at the same time. Instead of taking five or six days to reach
California, that way they made it in four.

When Scully drove, Libby was allowed to pick the radio stations
and she got to talk more, but when Mulder drove, she got to sit in
his lap and steer sometimes.

Libby wasn't sure which she liked better, driving with Daddy or
talking and playing with Mommy.

"Mommy?" she said softly, her voice rising above the radio and
into Scully's consciousness.

"Yeah, baby?" Scully answered, checking her mirror and changing
lanes so they could take a bathroom break.

"Why did we have to leave everything?"

Dana sighed and glanced over briefly at her, wishing the question
had not come. She wasn't sure what to say.

"Because ... do you remember what it was like Before, Libby? When
your other Mommy took you away from the doctors and you came to
us?"

Libby's tiny face screwed up and she twisted around in her seat.
"You're not going to leave me, are you?"

Her quick little mind had already taken those classic Mulder-
leaps.

"Oh no, baby. We're not leaving you. We're going some place where
the doctors can't find you anymore," Scully said, reaching out a
hand to touch her head and stroke her hair. 

"Did they find us before?"

"Well, a man came and told us that they had, and we thought it was
best to be careful."

"Oh."

Silence erupted suddenly and Scully took the exit for the rest
stop. She pulled into an empty spot and turned the engine off.
Libby scrambled out of the truck and up to the vending machines.

Scully called out to her, "Bathroom first, baby."

Libby swerved and went for the restrooms.

It was dark and getting close to eight o'clock, which meant Mulder
would drive for the rest of the way.

Scully opened the back door and pulled herself up into the seat,
resting on the small space available.

She touched his cheek and ran her fingers along his throat, urging
him to wake up.

"Mulder?" she whispered, lips close to his ear, thumb stroking his
cheek.

He mumbled and moved a bit, nuzzling her leg with his nose.

"Come on, Mulder. Wake up, it's your watch."

His eyes blinked open and came to focus on her sitting there.

"Scully."

"Wake up, sleepy head."

He sat up, moving away from her touch and upright for the first
time in about ten hours.

He glanced at his watch and turned quickly back to her.

"You should have woken me earlier."

"You were tired. You let me sleep in yesterday."

"But --"

"Just let it go, Mulder." she sighed and slipped out of the truck.

He watched her walk away, into the receeding dark illuminated by
the lights of the rest stop. She looked exhausted, overworked,
almost sick. He hoped she wasn't getting a cold from all of this.

He locked the truck after making sure he had the keys and walked
up to the huge map in the lobby. It marked their spot and he saw
she had driven them into Oklahoma already.

Libby came running out of the bathroom at top speed, then plowed
into his legs.

"Daddy can I have money for the vending machines?" she said,
talking through quick breaths.

He pulled out a dollar and handed it to her. "No caffeine, baby."

She nodded while she ran out.

He went to the bathroom, washed his hands and face and then came
out. Scully was there, hands in her pockets, eyes on the map and
following the roads etched there.

He came up behind her and encircled her with his arms.

She leaned into him and he knew he was forgiven.

The room smelled like cleaner and disinfectant, so he propelled
her outside, waiting for Libby to get something from vending
under the huge overhang of the rest stop.

Dana breathed in the scent of rain and dust, mixed with a kind of
atmosphere that was prevalent in the West. She couldn't quite tell
what it was, only that it wasn't present in the Northeast.

He wrapped his arms around her again, nose tucked into her
shoulder and neck, breathing in her scent, forgoing the smell of
earth and rain for one of Scully.

Even now, even after everything, he thought of her as Scully. He
had tried to force his tongue to use Dana, thinking it would make
his mind use Dana, but it hadn't worked. He called her Dana, and
thought Scully.

Sometimes, Scully would slip out and she got this look on her face
he couldn't decipher, so he didn't use it.

He wondered what was meant by her use of Mulder. Maybe just
uncomfortable with saying Fox, or maybe she thought he really
hated it.

He sighed.

They had new names now. Entirely different ones. Before they were
Jared and Sue Miller. He hadn't been able to call her that. She'd
managed to take it in stride and called him Miller, as a sort of
joke he had first thought. But then, bad things had happened and
words got mixed up and they'd gone back to Mulder and Scully, even
Dana ...

Now it was Chris and Kate Williams. Very average, run of the mill,
names that would not cause anyone to think twice. 

He shifted and wondered if he could call her Kate. Or if they
would even be able to pull this off. The man that had come to them
seemed confident enough, seemed to know what he was doing. 

They had jobs already set up in San Fransisco. She would work at
an Inner City Clinic and he was the manager, ironically enough, of
Fox Photos.

Libby came back just then and they got back into the truck. Libby
opted for the back seat this time and Scully sat in the front,
next to him, her eyes and body too wired to fall asleep just yet.

Mulder got them back on the highway and into the fast lane,
thinking far away from his family.

She had been right, earlier. He thrived on the danger and mystery
of the X-Files. He needed that in his life to give it direction
and ... meaning, almost. But she had one thing wrong.

He needed her too. He needed his family and that love and hope and
everything it entailed. 

It felt good to be on the road, running again, but it felt even
better at home, Libby in his arms and Scully snuggled up beside
him as he read to his daughter.

His thoughts began to wander back to the X-Files, to the beasts
they'd seen, the monsters and conspiracies and the cancer. All
the death there, surrounding them both, yet not ever drowning
them.

Scully saw his far away eyes and reached out her hand to touch
his.

She grabbed it and held it beside her for a moment before gently
pressing her lips to his skin.

He stroked her fingers and held on to her tightly.

She closed her eyes and curled up beside him, head pressed into
his thigh. Her jaw and back relaxed and then he felt her fall into
sleep.

He put one hand protectively to her forehead and then, in a moment
of sudden insight, touched her stomach.

The man had said ...

He sighed. He didn't want to get his hopes up.

===========
Exodus
Chapter Five
===========

Libby barely noticed the changes outside the window, how the
gentle grass and ocassional tree had been supplanted by weeds and
rocks and no more trees.

She sat carefully perched on the seat, her baby fingers reviewing
everything she had very carefully, touching it and making her mind
remember everything.

First her box. It was white and old and had black marker on the
side that read "Case#330000-399999" and it had once been her
Daddy's. Inside were all her books, from her Baby Bunny Colors to
her "Wrinkle In Time" and "Charlotte's Web." She ran her fingers
over the spines, then across the covers and remembered reading the
stories with Mommy and Daddy. Her box was full and she closed the
lid.

Next, her backpack. Mommy had rushed to her in the night, their
last night in New York, and given her the bag and told her to put
only the things she wanted to take in it. Mommy had said they
could not come back to get anything. She unzipped it slowly and
peered into the darkness of its recesses. There were her two
favorite videos, "The Fox and The Hound," and "Winnie the Pooh,"
along with her stuffed fox that Mommy had gotten her. Daddy always
laughed when he saw it and it somehow made things better when they
were mad at each other. So, Libby had brought it. Then her Barbie
that she'd gotten at a garage sale. Its hair was still shiny and
new smelling and it had all the clothes and things still with it.
A Ziploc bag of Barbie clothes was buried next to her videos. Next
was her stuffed, old fashioned Pooh, with its light yellow bow and
sad eyes that reminded her of Daddy's. 

Then the pillow and her faded blue blanket.

It was all she had managed to take.

She frowned and knew there was something missing. Something else
her fingers should have touched when she'd done the inventory. The
box, the bag, the blanket, the bear --

She knew at once what she had missed. "Mommy!"

The voice came to Dana frightened, panicked. Her eyes immediately
went to the rear view mirror to see Libby's wide eyes.

"What's wrong, baby?"

"Where's my bear? Where's my Moving Bear?"

"I don't know baby. Did you look for it?"

But Libby had grown anxious and she peered at Mulder's sleeping
form and then crept up to the divider. She slid over the front
seat, landing in Mulder's lap and awakening him, her eyes
searching for her bear.

"Libby!" Scully said, trying to keep her eyes on the road, yet
keep Libby from getting hurt. "Get back in your seat and put your
seatbelt on."

"I can't find Teddy!" she wailed and her face scrunched up with
tears.

"Did you look in your bag?"

"Oh, Mommy, I looked all over!"

Her voice and expression were so pitiful that Dana took her hand
and kissed it.

Mulder was awake now and trying to coax Libby back into her seat.
"When we get to the rest stop, we'll open the trunk and look in
there, okay Libby?"

"What if he's not there? What if I lost him?" she sniffled,
allowing herself to be strapped in.

Mulder twisted back around in his seat. "We'll call the motel,
baby. We'll ask them."

Libby was silent, her eyes seeing the scenery now as it slipped
by, but not recognizing anything she saw.

Mulder leaned over to Sully, eyebrows knitted together. "Scully, I
didn't pack her bear in the trunk." he said.

She shook her head. "I didn't see it either."

Dana's eyes slid back to the little girl sitting forlornly on the
back seat, her face mournful and almost comically dramatic. "What
will we do?" she said.

"Call that motel. She probably left it in the room."

Scully nodded and glanced once more to their daughter.

Libby tucked her head into her blanket, then laid on her pillow,
eyes watching the so-blue sky as it raced by outside. Her bear was
gone. 

Her bear was gone.

===========

"No luck," Mulder said, returning the thick accumulation of
assorted papers back to his wallet. 

Scully bit her lip and looked down at Libby's ancient eyes. They
begged her to find her bear.

Suddenly inspiration struck. "Mulder! Did you steal the motel pen
again?"

He chuckled. "I don't steal them ... but yeah."

"I bet the number's there." She flashed him a victorious smile and
he felt a warm tingling grow in his skin.

"I bet you're right," he said, but he was thinking, <You used to
smile for me like that all the time. What happened?>

He dug through the glove compartment and came up with a fistful of
pens, in various shapes and colors.

"Okay, which is it?" he said, glancing to her.

"Travel ... something."

He frowned and rooted around in his hand, poking some back into
the glove compartment. 

"Oh. Here it is. I remember. Bright ugly pink color. Good job,
G-woman."

She smiled again. "As someone once said, that's why they put the
'I' in FBI ..."

His groan cut her off. "Don't remind me."

"Why? It was cute at the time."

"Yeah, right. I was trying to freak you out, make you think I was
nutty."

"And you did an excellent job of it. In fact, I still think you're
nutty."

"Oh well, thanks Agent Scully. I appreciate your honesty."

He could tell the words were cutting deeper than mere sarcasm. She
winced and shot right back.

"Hey, the truth is out there."

"Deny everything," he noted.

"Well," she said softly. "That is a long standing policy of
yours."

He looked over, knowing exactly what she meant. The bench in
Central Park.  He leaned forward and kissed the side of her neck.

"Well, from now on. Apology is policy."

She seemed to almost hum. "Well, if this is how you apologize, I
just might forgive you."

He was reaching over to touch her when Libby yelled. 

"Rest stop! Rest stop!"

Dana grinned. "Yeah, baby. I see it."

===========

Mulder sighed and thanked the man and then replaced the receiver.

Libby could already tell.

"No bear," she said softly.

"That's right, Libby. They didn't find your bear."

Libby's lip quivered and her chin trembled. The brightness of the
rest stop's location did nothing to relieve the growing doom over
her.

"No more Moving Bear," she whispered.

Silent tears slipped down her cheeks and she felt Mommy put her
arms around her. She tried not to cry, she wasn't supposed to cry.

Mulder had been expecting a huge tantrum. But this was Libby, and
she was always like Scully when it came to feelings.

She cried silently and clutched at the bench, obviously trying to
hold back tears.

Scully wrapped her deeper in her arms and pulled her up off the
bench and into her lap. "Libby, it's okay to cry when you're sad."

A heart breaking sob wrenched from her body, as if it had been
stored up her entire little life, waiting for the acceptable time
to explode. Dana found herself crying too, as Mulder rubbed
Libby's back and stroked her hair.

"I lost him. I lost my bear. I'm sorry Daddy. I didn't mean to
lose him."

Mulder's throat caught around the jagged edges of his heart and he
leaned down close to her, praying with all his strength that his
daughter did not end up like him.

"It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay. Things happen like this and no
one means for it to happen. You didn't do anything wrong, Libby.
You didn't do anything wrong."

Her face was laying on her Scully's shoulder, cheek pressed into
her T-shirt and tear stains on both of them. Dana gently rocked
her back and forth.

"Daddy, do you think another little girl got him and picked him
up?"

Mulder wondered if the idea would upset her. "Maybe."

"Is that little girl going to love my Moving Bear?"

"Of course, sweetie."

"So, he'll be all right."

"Your bear will be all right. He'll miss you just like you miss
him, but he'll be all right."

Libby let out a big sigh, like she had weathered a storm of
enormous proportions.

"Libby, on the way, we'll stop and get you another bear, okay?"
Scully said softly.

Mulder didn't know if Libby would like that, but once again, Libby
turned out to be more Scully than he realized.

"Another bear. But it still won't be the same, will it Daddy?"

Mulder shook his head. "No. This one will be a California Bear."

Libby gave a little smile. "A California bear?"

Her child words mauled California, but it made them smile.

"Yes. And you can name him whatever you want."

It seemed to be settled and they were once again on the highway,
heading closer and closer to San Fransisco and their new home.
Everything was quiet as Libby played in the back seat with her
Barbie and Mulder stared idly out the window.

Suddenly he turned to her.

"We did good with that," he said softly, smiling at her.

She felt pride return. "Yes, we did."

"See, Scully? We can be parents. We're good parents."

She smiled and he squeezed her leg, leaving his hand resting
across her thigh.

She couldn't help remembering what the pin stripe man had said.

Mulder laid down, stretching out and putting his head next to her
leg.

"Yup, we're going to be all right."

===========
Exodus
Chapter Four
===========

Scully refused to let the truck end up like his office had always
been.

She tossed the empty cups and McDonalds bag into the trash then
searched the rest stop for Libby's small figure.

She was running through the paths, the lights making her suddenly
flare into view, then disappear as the darkness claimed her. Dana
sighed and went back to their truck, praying that Libby didn't get
anymore Coke.

Libby bounded into the truck without any vending treat and handed
her mother the money back. Scully, surprised, took it and put it
in her pocket just as Mulder came out of the restrooms.

He looked like hell, his face pasty and shadowed by lack of sleep,
hair dull and lifeless, just like his eyes, his body slumping
forward and sagging. He moved in slowly, then opened the door of
the truck for her, sweeping the air with a stiff hand.

"Your coach awaits," he murmured and she got in, watching him
climb into the back seat with the grace of a ninety year old
woman.

He was far beyond exhausted.

He immediately let his eyes slide shut; Libby was sleeping too.

Dana sighed and backed out of the space, coming to a quick
decision right then that she knew Mulder would argue about later.

After twenty minutes on the interstate, Dana found a place that
looked reasonably clean and had good rates. A few seedy looking
cars outside the office and the pool was closed, but much better
than the places she'd been to with Mulder.

She didn't like the way the man looked at her as she signed in,
and she especially didn't enjoy his eyes raking her over, but she
smiled and ignored his obvious appraisal, and got back in the
truck.

She drove around to their motel room, number 147, ironically
enough, and parked at the available slot. The truck's engine
stopped and all was silent for a moment.

Mulder was still out cold and Libby was breathing heavily and she
herself was ready to fall asleep right there.

She tried to wake Libby but every time she tried, Libby would
mumble and kick with her feet or wriggle away.

"Come on, Libby. Time for bed."

Libby whined, eyes still closed, mouth open and breath coming
slow and heavy. She burrowed farther into the seat and ignored
her mother.

All Dana could do was try and carry her to the room.

She unlocked the door, propped it open with the waste bucket, and
attempted to haul the four year old into the room and onto the
bed.

It was more physically challenging than the stupid obstacle course
at Quantico.

She slumped back on the other bed as she finally managed to tuck
Libby in, pulling off her shoes and letting her sleep in her
clothes.

She closed her eyes and caught her breath, massaging the back of
her cramped neck with one hand.

She felt tingling go up her spine and she whirled around, eyes
open, heart thudding.

"Mulder!" 

"Why'd we stop? What's going on?" he slurred, eyes still bleary
and scratchy. He rubbed a hand over his chin and shut the door.

"We need to stop and get a good night's sleep. This isn't working
anymore."

He eyed her. She was slumped and pale, her eyes held no sparks and
her body language screamed defeat.

"If you're tired, I can drive for a bit more," he said, sitting
down next to her.

She jumped up. "No you can't! Mulder, yesterday, I woke up and saw
you practically asleep at the wheel. But I didn't even have the
energy to do anything about it!"

She sighed and slumped back on the bed, realizing that yelling at
a tired Mulder was like yelling at cows. Neither would be able to
listen.

"Libby is exhausted, but she can't sleep. She takes a nap for an
hour, then stays up until we change drivers, then she's sleeping
for another hour. I don't know when she's gotten a full eight
straight hours of sleep."

Mulder's eyes traveled to Libby's face, a bit hot and sweaty with
her clothes still on and the blankets over her.

"She doesn't sleep with me at all," he said quietly.

"At all?"

"No. I should've realized. Oh, sh --"

"Stop it, Mulder. We didn't know. At least we do now. She'll be
fine."

He collapsed onto the bed, stretching his cramped muscles as far
as they would go. "Ah ... I needed that." 

She gave him a flash of a smile and stood, moving over to Libby
and puling the covers down a bit so that she wouldn't get too hot.

He watched, then reached out and captured her wrists, pulling her
down beside him.

"I missed you," he said.

She looked at him strangely, and her eyes told him she didn't
understand.

"We never get a chance to be together anymore. You're awake and
I'm asleep. You wake up and I fall asleep." He paused, running his
fingers along the side of her face. "I never get to see you."

She smiled softly and kissed his fingers, but a part of her
shuddered and tried not to attach any emotional significance to
his movements. He was tired and he thought he needed her ... he
needed to relieve tension, exhaust himself ...

She let out a shaky breath as he traced the lines of her lips, her
breath tickling his hand.

"Scully ..."

She felt the ice melt from around her and she let her defenses
down. He had said 'Scully,' not Dana. It was almost as if she had
him back -- the real Mulder with the passion for work and for
truth and for paranormal. She had him back.

And he was looking at her like that ...

He wasn't dense though; he noticed the change, the way her body
relaxed and her limbs loosened.

"You okay?" he asked, sliding a hand through her hair.

She nodded. "I missed that."

He kissed her mouth gently. "What did you miss? I'll be happy to
do it more often."

Her lips worked into a smile under him ... she seemed to be
silently recanting the words she had spoken in the truck at the
beginning.

"My name. I missed it coming from those lips."

He kissed her eyes then, his hands holding her still beside him.
"Your name?"

"Scully ..." she whispered, eyes closing as his touch found secret
hidden places of pleasure within her.

But then he stopped.

"What? Your name? Why?"

She caught her breath, opening her eyes and trying to keep the
vulnerability from her face. 

"It's more than just my name. It signals a change in you ... a ...
a return. I don't know. Mever mind."

She turned and lay on her side, facing away from him. He had a
horrible feeling she was trying not to cry.

"Please tell me." he said, knowing that somehow this was very
important.

He fell silent, waiting for her.

"When you say it, it seems that this could be real. Like it could
have happened if there had never been any Emilys. You say Scully
and you kiss me just as you said Scully and we chased after
monsters or Eddie Van Blundht or just as we sat alone in an
office and tried not to let each know how much we hurt ..."

She stopped again.

"It makes me think ..." she started, then gazed at the wall.

He grew frustrated and propped up on his elbow.

"It makes you think what? That I could love you? You'd better
think that. You'd better think I love you, Scully." He emphasized
her name with a kind of desperate urgency.

"Why? So that people will believe our cover and the Shadows won't
catch us?"

"No!" he cried and it was hoarse with a kind of frustrated rage
that she'd never seen in him before. "No. Because I do. Because I
love you and I don't know why I ever thought I could hide it from
you."

She was silent, unblinking, trying to keep the hope from rising in
her chest. "You told me that before. In New York you said the same
words and then you denied them a month later on a cold bench in
Central Park. And now those words have come again."

"Please don't, Scully."

He knew her that well. Without even being able to see her he knew.

The use of her name was a slap and she withdrew from him.

"I won't let you do this to me, Mulder."

She was too far past anger.

"Do you trust me, Scully?"

Silence from her.

"As long as you still trust me, then we've still got a chance,
right?"

"Mulder, stop."

It sounded like a woman pleading for her life. He reached out to
touch her neck and she shivered.

She was crying.

"Don't cry," he muttered feebly. "Don't cry."

She shook her head and tried to pull away but collapsed against
him instead.

"You don't know how much I want to ..." 

"Then what keeps you from believing me?"

"I'm afraid."

He smiled. "I've heard that before ..."

She nodded and let him pull her to him. 

He kissed her gently, as a sort of apology.

She smiled a bit. "Go to sleep Mulder."

"Yes ma'am," he said and smiled.

She still trusted him.

===========
Exodus
Chapter Six
===========

They were walking down the toy aisle of Wal-Mart when the nausea
hit.

It almost knocked her over and she stood very still, swallowing
down the rising waves of bile and acid. Taking a deep breath, Dana
forced her legs to move to where Mulder stood, looking at some
Teddy Bears Libby had found.

She felt it rise again and closed her mouth tightly, breathing
through her nose, trying to keep her control. She glanced around
the huge place and found the bathrooms -- all the way on the other
side of the store.

"Mulder," she said, leaning close to him. "I'm going to the
bathroom. Meet you at the check-out lanes."

She propelled herself forward before he could say anything.

She vomited four times in the toilet before she felt steady
enough to try and make it out of the bathroom. On the way to the
door, the stinging sensation rose again and she almost didn't make
it to the sink. 

Washing it out slowly, she felt her entire body shaking as she
tried to get the taste of it out of her mouth and the smell of it
out of her nose.

She ran back to the stalls before she even had a chance to collect
herself.

She lay curled on the cold tile floor for a few minutes, letting
its chill shock her back into energy. She tried to calculate how
much time it'd been since she'd left Mulder and Libby, but she
couldn't even begin to guess. 

She stood shakily, taking it much more slowly this time, and
shuffled over to the sink to wash her face and rinse her mouth
out.

The bathroom door flew open as she was washing her hands and
Scully was grateful the woman hadn't come in while she was giving
over her breakfast.

The woman looked oddly at her as it was, prompting Dana to look
in the mirror at herself.

She looked as miserable as she felt.

She took her make-up compact from her purse and tried to rid
herself of the paleness and the sickness.

She steadied herself once more and then strode out the door with
false courage.

A brief wave almosst sent her back, but she walked on, making it
to the registers before Mulder and Libby even got there.

She didn't have long to wait before Libby came bounding up, a huge
tan bear in her hands.

"Sorry we took so long," Mulder said, giving her a half smile.

She nodded, not trusting her stomach enough to open her mouth.

"See, Mommy? He's got a tan."

Dana smiled and felt its fur. "Soft, too." 

"Daddy said he had the tan," Libby explained proudly. "That's what
makes him a California bear."

"Oh, wow. What are you going to name him?" she said, drawing
closer to her.

"Teddy," she said, as if everyone should know *that*.

Mulder chuckled and led her to the check-out line, his hand
touching the back of her head to lead her along. Scully realized
with a twinge that it was almost the same height as where Mulder
used to place his hand to guide her.

Her stomach flipped over and she ground her teeth.

===========

They arrived at the outskirts of San Fransisco and had to turn off
the air conditioner and even pull on sweatshirts, although it was
the middle of June. The roads went up and down and then up again
and Scully kept her forehead pressed to the window and her eyes
closed.

Her stomach threatened horrible things.

They made their way through light traffic, since it was ten at
night, and when they got a block away from the addresses they'd
been given by the man in the pin stripe suit, Mulder pulled into
a parking lot, paid ten dollars and stopped the truck.

"Stay here. I'm going to walk on ahead, check it out."

Scully frowned, wishing she could go with him, but nodded.

He locked the doors and gave her the keys. "If I'm not back in
thirty minutes, leave. Drive off and don't ever come back."

"Mulder," she protested, thinking it a bit extreme.

"Scully. If I don't come back, then it means they know. You can't
let them have Libby. You can't."

She gulped down her madly churning stomach and nodded again.

He started to get out of the truck but she pulled him back, then
with a hesitant start, kissed his cheek.

He gave her an odd, martyr-like smile and vanished.

She waited.

===========

At twenty-eight minutes, she was sliding across the seat to tuck
Libby under her blanket and pull it closer around her. 

At thirty minutes she slid behind the wheel.

At thirty-two minutes she tried to estimate in her mind just how
far a walk it would be to the address and then how long it would
take a paranoid Mulder to check out the place and then come back.

At thirty-four minutes she was biting her lip and telling her
stomach that there was nothing to get upset over.

At thirty-six minutes she was wishing she had kissed him on the
mouth with a lot more passion.

And at thirty-eight minutes, his head was coming over the ramp,
his body's shadow long and lean and food to her hungry eyes.

He approached the truck, glaring in at her.

"I told you to leave after thirty minutes," he said, getting in
after she had unlocked the doors.

She gave him a look. "I padded the time."

"Who said you could pad the time?"

"I know you, Mulder. *I* said I could pad the time."

He stared out the window into darkness. "Oh?"

"Yes. You're very careful when you're paranoid. And careful means
slow."

"Slow?"

"Yes, slow."

He nodded and took the keys from her. "So, do you always pad my
time?"

She raised her eyebrows as he started the car.

"Yeah. You do, don't you?" he murmured.

"So, maybe I do. It works, doesn't it?"

He grunted and pulled out of the lot. "The place checked out
clean. The landlady even talked with me. She's nice, older,
smells heavily like old lady perfume, you know?"

She smiled and glanced back at Libby. "Did you get to look
inside?"

"Uh-huh. Already furnished. Stocked too. I let one of her dogs eat
a piece of bread and he didn't keel over."

"Mulder ..." she sighed and put a hand to her mouth, forcing her
stomach to control itself.

He kind of laughed, but it came out more like a sigh. "I'm tired,
Scully. What do you say we forget about unpacking and just put
everyone to bed?"

She nodded. "Sounds good."

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Are you all right,
Dana?"

She nodded.

"Seriously. I'm not asking because I think I'm supposed to. I
really want to know."

She looked over at him but his face was unreadable.

"I'm fine."

There was no conviction behind her words but it was their old code
for 'leave me alone for now.' He shut his mouth and drove.

===========

Morning was hell. Mulder was upset because they'd been given jobs
to report to and his was a low blow as he called it. He would work
at Fox Photos, managing the film processing department and the
pin stripe man said he'd contact them through that venue. He
didn't have to report in till Monday.

Scully was working at an Inner City Clinic and he was scared to
death. It'd be easy to stage a random shooting down there, pretend
it was drive-by.

She had to go in that day and Mulder had insisted on going with
her. Libby was going to stay with the landlady, Mrs. Shawl. Her
daycare school didn't start until Monday either.

She had fallen asleep finally at one o'clock and then woken up six
hours later to Libby's nightmare and Mulder's franticness.

Libby had been calmed down and Mulder too, and then they'd all
gotten up and tried to get ready for the day.

Work was hell too.

Five gunshot wounds in a matter of an hour and one of the nurses
remarked that it was a slow lunch hour.

Scully nearly threw up when a homeless man walked in with maggots
eating out his arms and eyes. She was grateful Mulder stayed in
the back.

Her stomach was already tender, and then an entire day of things
that were on living people and she was ready to go home.

Mulder drove while she dozed and he thoughtfully and wisely said
nothing about her pallor.

They picked Libby up and went up to their apartment, then made a
hasty dinner of green beans and macaroni and cheese. Libby watched
television afterward and Scully laid on their bed trying not to
moan.

Mulder sat down next to her sprawled form and gently began to rub
her face, tracing the delicate lines around her mouth and nose and
eyes.

She relaxed into the touch and smiled at him, her eyes closed,
letting him know she appreciated it.

His thumb curled around her chin and his fingers brushed her neck
softly, soothingly, a low trembling kind of hum coming from the
back of his throat.

She placed a little kiss on his thumb and curled around him,
tucking her head right against his knee.

He ran his fingers through her tangled hair, massaging her scalp.

She sighed and sank deeper into sleepiness.

"Scully, are you going to be okay?" 

His voice was small and gentle, like a child with a question that
he's afraid of the answer.

"I will be, Mulder. I will be." she said softly and thought again to
the only thing going through her mind.

She could be pregnant.

She could be ...

But it was impossible.

She felt the bed shift and then Mulder was lying down next to her,
bringing her head close to him and kissing her forehead. She
stayed there, pleasantly surrounded by his warmth, and fell
asleep.

Mulder sighed.

She was not telling him everything.

=============
Exodus
Chapter Seven
=============

Saturday seemed long and tiring to her, but it could have been
because of the nervous fluttering in her stomach and the odd
sensation that something was going to happen.

She knew she would have to do something about her suspicions, but
she still had a hard time even thinking it could be true.

Mulder was driving her crazy. He wouldn't stop looking at her.
Obviously, he realized something was wrong and he was too polite
to simply ask her outright. No, she'd have to offer the
information.

She sighed. Sometimes, she wished it wasn't like that.

Libby had made a friend of Mrs. Shawl and she was downstairs, in
her apartment, hopefully not annoying the poor lady. Mrs. Shawl
was going to teach her how to play the piano, Libby had said, and
Scully could hear her quiet voice in her head, the excitement
uncontainable.

Mulder was trying not to explode at her. She felt like she needed
a good explosion. Something big and powerful that would knock them
both off their feet. 

The kitchen was her retreat and it was a wonderfully big kitchen
for an apartment in San Fransisco. The roof contained a skylight
since they were on the third and topmost floor, and the sun could
stretch its lazy fingers right onto table and walk over the floor.

The windows were small and stained glass because of the ample
light let in by the skylight, and in the evening when the sun set
she liked to go in there and be bathed in amber and turquoise and
fuschia, the colors in riot over her skin and clothes. She would
close her eyes and feel the warmth and smell spices and soap and
dinner and it would remind her of the goodness that could come of
things.

Cooking was first a defense, because Mulder was so lousy at it,
but was now a relaxation, a time for her to forget and find
herself. Mulder had seen the difference in her and had greedily
intruded upon it, asking her to teach him how to cook, to teach
him the peace she could find there. She had and had grown
frustrated and uptight and it hadn't worked for him either.

So he let her cook and he did the laundry. Fair trade, especially
since he actually *liked* doing the laundry. She didn't understand
it, but she sure didn't question it.

A hand snaked around her waist as she stood at the counter.

"Guess what?" he said and his voice was strained with excitement
and longing.

"Hmm?" she said, putting the last of their plates from lunch into
the dishwasher.

"We're going somewhere tonight."

"Where?" she asked looking over her shoulder at him, the light
from the stained glass casting his face in blues.

A little grin lit his face. "Right here."

She sighed; he was doing it again. "Mulder, you're not making any
sense."

"Mrs. Shawl wants Libby to spend the night and Libby is dying to,
and so we have the whole apartment to ourselves." he explained.

"So ... we're going where?"

"Well, it's a surprise."

She didn't really enjoy surprises. 

"It's a good surprise, Scully," he remarked, seeing her face.

He shifted and his eyes were cast in triangles of amber, a patch
on his cheek was still blue, and the rest was bright yellow.

"All right. Is Libby staying all of today and tonight?"

"Yeah. She's having a great time. Mrs. Shawl is teaching her to
play 'Mary Had A Little Lamb'."

Scully nodded thoughtfully. "I'm glad they get along so well.
Libby needed a sort of grandmother."

A kind of sadness washed over her face and he recognized the old
melancholy settle. He was sure she missed her mother a lot. He
knew she talked with her mother about things she couldn't talk
about with him, and now she didn't have that anymore.

The room smelled like cookies and he glanced toward the oven,
looking for evidence of her baking. He had never pegged her as a
closet chef.

She gave him a little smile. "Butter cookies, Mulder. In the
cabinet up there."

He grinned ridiculously and reached over her head for the cookie
tin, leaning in very close to her so that his breath made waves
across her hair.

He popped two into his mouth, chewed a couple of times, and
swallowed, giving her an endearing smile. "Good," he mumbled,
reaching for more.

She grabbed his hand. "Save some," she warned and he grinned and
took out three more.

"This is it," he promised and took her still damp hand and led her
to their small living room.

He turned on the radio and jazz tumbled through the small speakers
and into the room, washing them in peaceful shades of music and
melody.

He ate his cookies hurriedly and dropped to the futon couch,
pulling her down with him so that she landed in his lap.

He was smiling so brightly that it was all she could do not to
melt into him right there.

"What exactly are you doing Mulder?" she said, raising her eyebrow
and feeling the warmth spread through her.

He frowned in mock agitation. "I'm trying to seduce you. Is it
working?"

She let him have the statisfaction of a smile and then gave him a
classic 'what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you' look that made grin like
a fool.

"Yup, it's working," he said and winked at her.

She laughed, feeling at ease and comfortable there, with laughter
and jokes and him; all of it taking her back to places she'd
forgotten.

"I'd forgotten what it sounded like when you laughed," he murmured
as his head bent to kiss her collarbone.

The truth of that made her sad and she pulled his head up to look
at him. He was bewildered, eyes wide and asking and lips quivering
as if taken from a feast.

"Thank you, Mulder. I'd forgotten how to laugh." she said.

The moment was sort of trapped and she once again felt the oddness
of them, the unnaturalness of their union, and she moved to get
off his lap.

"Smile for me," he said suddenly and stood up with her.

A grin sort of skirted across her face. "On demand?"

The remark was like a wind that blew back the easiness between
them and suddenly she found her body leaning against his, a
wonderful-feeling full fledged smile infusing her.

He replied with the same and wrapped his long arms around her.
"Good. You can still do it. I wonder if your muscles ever forget."

Their banter was light and yet it meant something else, some kind
of message he needed to be able to tell her and some answer she
needed to give.

"I smile," she protested.

"When?"

"I laugh at you while you're asleep. You do funny things in your
sleep, Mulder."

"I do not," he said, eyes wide and mortified. 

She was enjoying this.

"Oh yes. Odd things. Revealing things." she said, rasing her
eyebrow and forgetting that he was practically on top of her. In
this conversation, she had all the advantages.

"Oh great. My secret's out then. I hope it wasn't too horrible?"

She wavered, uncertain of whether he was playing with her or
serious.

"Horrible?"

"Yes, it's quite ... well, almost wretched."

"Wretched?"

His grin was wider than hers and suddenly she realized she was on
the couch with a much larger man leaning over her, a man with a
wretched, horrible secret.

"Well, maybe if you tell me, I can tell you if that's it," she
said smoothly.

"Oh no. If you knew ... well, you'd know."

She felt the double meaning coming back into their conversation,
so that it was half banter, half absolute truth. She was suddenly
suspicious.

"You're fooling around."

He sighed, martyr-like. "I wish, but I don't have the time to go
out and meet women. Oh, and also, I have a wife. She'd be kind of
upset."

She smiled again and slapped his arm. "No, I mean you're messing
with me."

Mock seriousness tinged his face. Was some of it real seriousness?

"No, I swear I'm not."

"So what is it?"

"I thought you claimed I said revealing things in my sleep."

Her eyebrow arched. "Oh, you do. Some of those idle fantasies of
yours are even recurring."

A bit of a panicked look came into his eyes. "Which ones?"

"Oh, I hear my name a lot," she said, more pleased by it than
she'd ever admit.

A little growl emerged from his throat. "And you love it. You know
you do."

She simply looked at him. "So what's your horrible secret?"

"Oh, just that I'm in love with this woman hopelessly but she
doesn't seem to know."

A kind of flutter choked up her throat. "Oh?"

"Yes. Terribly in love. But she's kind of stubborn. Kind of ...
I don't know, anal retentive."

Her mouth dropped open, prepared to utter curses in his direction
about the use of anal retentive, but he stopped her by kissing
her.

"Do you think she knows?" he said softly.

That same underlying seriousness had come back and she thought
for a moment, her thumbs playing against his ribs.

"I think she knows," she said softly. "And I think she loves you,
too."

"Really?"

"Mm-hm. Terribly."

His lips were sliding up, meeting her skin.

"That's good." he replied and pushed her back further along the
futon couch.

She relaxed and ignored the outside world, ignored all the things
that had been bringing her down.

"That's good, 'cause she's been kind of sad lately," he murmured.

She nodded. "But when you tell her you love her, it makes her feel
better."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

The couch was small but he managed to position them on it. Her
head rested just below his chin and he played with her hair. 

"We should go dancing, Scully," he murmured.

"Dancing?"

"Yeah. Ballroom dancing, you would love it."

She fell silent. 

"Tonight, okay?" he murmured.

"Sure," she said, suddenly feeling excited. "Someplace nice?"

"Yes. Just you and me. We'll make it a date."

She laughed. "How about not? Just, us going together."

He was confused. "Why?"

She smiled again at him through her eye lashes. "Because when I
was in ninth grade, my Dad made me promise not to ever go to bed
with a man on the first date."

He laughed. "That's pretty silly."

"A girl I knew had gotten pregnant. My Dad wasn't an idiot," she
said smiling at him.

"Okay, not a date. Just us. We're a little old for dating anyway."

She slapped his arm. "Speak for yourself, old man."

He chuckled and shifted against her. 

For a few minutes they lay there, thinking of nothing and doing
nothing but feeling.

Then she got up to turn on the dishwasher and Mulder got up to
fold laundry and things were happening again.

He still had the feeling she was not telling him something.

===========
Exodus
Chapter Eight
===========

Her hands were nervously tapping the wheel of the truck, drumming
to a beat that existed only in her head.

It was three o'clock in Friday rush hour traffic and it was taking
forever to get to her block.

The package from the drug store shifted in the breeze of cold air
coming from the vents and reminded her again of why she was
getting off work early.

The pregnancy test.

Mulder had confronted her Thursday morning, angry because she'd
been throwing up for the past week and hiding it from him. She
still had not told him what she suspected because she knew what
he would say. It was all in her head, she was probably getting
the flu, it wasn't possible. Those were some of the bigger things
that plagued her.

Mulder had made her promise to go to the doctor, find out what was
wrong. She had promised, quietly telling herself she would have to
go to the doctor if it turned out she was pregnant.

Her fingers rapped the steering wheel again and she turned into
the parking garage nest to their building, hanging the parking
pass from her rear view mirror as she pulled into her space.

She slid out of the truck and quickly made her way down the
sidewalk, the grocery sack a reminder of everything that could
change.

===========

Libby liked going to Mrs. Shawl's after school and the way her
apartment smelled like a grandmother. 

When Mrs. Shawl picked her up at twelve, they went to the Ice
Cream Shoppe on 87th Street and she got Pink Bubblegum every time
while Mrs. Shawl had a sundae.

Then Mrs. Shawl would let her choose. Either the piano or a story.

Libby was torn between the two. Her stories were about the time
during World War II when she was only eight years old and how they
had to ration things, but the piano made noises that turned into
songs and Libby was very good at it.

That day, Libby picked a story. Mrs. Shawl talked about the time
she was eight years old and her baby sister was born while her
Daddy was over in the war helping heal people who had been shot. 

After the story was over, Libby looked up at Mrs. Shawl.

"I have a sister too." she said.

Mrs. Shawl knew that the Williams only had one child. "Oh?"  she
said, realizing it was probably a pretend friend.

"Yes, she hasn't been born yet. She's in Mommy's stomach just like
your sister was in your Mommy's stomach." she said, nodding
wisely.

"Oh, isn't that wonderful." she replied, trying to remember if
Kate Williams had looked pregnant.

Libby nodded and got off Mrs. Shawl's lap and turned to her school
bag, her mind wandering to a completely new topic.

"Look! I made this for you!" she proclaimed and pulled out a huge
painting done in hand prints.

"Oh, it's beautiful, Libby. Thank you very much. Let's go hang it
on the fridge."

They were standing back and admiring it when Mrs. Shawl's doorbell
rang and the tiny dog barked from the living room.

Libby ran ahead and waited patiently for Mrs. Shawl to open the
door.

"Mrs. Williams!" Mrs. Shawl exclaimed. "Is everything all right?"

Usually Mr. Williams came and picked Libby up at about five.

Kate looked hastled and anxious. "Oh, yeah. I got off early. I'm
sorry, I thought M- ah, Matt told you."

"No, Mr. Williams didn't tell me. Would you like to come in and
get some cookies or milk?"

"Oh, no, thank you Mrs. Shawl. I appreciate it though. I think I'm
just going to go on upstairs. Come on, Libby."

Libby darted back inside for her book bag and then slipped out to
the hallway with her mother, blowing a kiss to Mrs. Shawl.

"Wow, Mommy. You got home early." she heard Libby say as they
walked away.

Shutting the door, Mrs. Shawl realized that Kate Williams didn't
look pregnant at all.

===========

Libby was watching her videos again, her body sprawled along the
couch as the cartoon characters spelled out the alphabet and made
up silly songs to go with it.

Scully was shaking.

Five more minutes before she'd know.

Dinner was ready to be made, leftover chicken thawed out in the
microwave, dessert already in the fridge, and bread warming in the
oven.

She had nothing more to do but wait.

It was driving her crazy.

She began picking up the room, rearranging the way her closet
hung, putting up some of the clean clothes left on the bed after
laundry had been done. 

She was tense, ready to snap. Her nerves were sending a million
messages to her brain and none got through.

She twisted the bedspread in her fingers and managed to keep her
stomach from revolting. Knots formed in her instestines and in the
bed cover.

Finally, finally, the little egg timer went off.

She licked her dry lips and stared at the door to the bathroom.
She forced herself to go over and open the door and take the
little stick in her hands.

She looked at it.

===========

Mulder got home later than usual and found the living room dark,
illuminated only by the television's flickering. The sound was
soft like white noise and it had lulled Libby to sleep.

He walked over to her and kissed her forehead but she did not
stir. Her arms were curled in tightly at her sides and her left
leg hung off the side. He smiled and brushed back her hair, then
pulled a blanket over her.

He wondered where Scully was.

The kitchen was empty and a cold dish of last night's chicken was
left in the microwave, burned bread was stinking up the oven, and
the windows were all shuttered over.

He frowned and moved to their back bedroom, feeling a slight pang
of urgency overtake him.

Scully was asleep on the bed, her hair masking her face and head
in her arms. Her body was curled up tightly into the fetal
position and buried into the pillows.

This room too was dark and in shadows, the only light coming from
the half open window blinds. His shoes slipped off and his tie was
flung in the general direction of the closet and he sank
gratefully into the cool softness of their bed.

Stretching out full length, he closed his eyes.

He felt her shift and he body flowed around his until her burning
heat was balled up against his side. He wondered if she had gone
to see a doctor; it felt as if she had a fever.

"Scully? Wake up for a minute."

He eyes flickered and he saw they were bloodshot, redrimmed, and
glassy.

"Are you okay?" he whispered., his face crinkling in worry.

She nodded.

"What did the doctor say?"

"I didn't, uh, get a chance to get in." she said, smoothing over
the rough edges of the truth.

"Oh. You feel feverish."

She nodded and her eyes closed again, as if it took too much
energy to try and focus. "I'm going tomorrow, definitely," she
murmured.

"Good."

He pulled out from her and got up, heading for the bathroom,
feeling grimy and disgusting after work.

Scully could feel something prick at her but she couldn't remember
what was so important, why her brain was rushing around trying to
warn her.

And then he exploded.

"Scully! What the hell is this!"

She jerked straight up with a violence that made her head throb
and as he came out of the bathroom, she remembered.

The test. 

Her body slumped to the wall behind the bed and she shook her
head. "Nothing. Nothing," she whispered.

"Like hell it's nothing. What's going on?"

He had an idea what it was for, but he didn't know how to read it,
and he wasn't sure what it meant.

"I'm going to the doctor, tomorrow, Mulder. I'm sick," she said,
eyes closing.

The defeated look was back on her face and he shivered.

Then things came together for him.

Throwing up every morning. Her stomach hurting, the words spoken
to them by the pin stripe suit man that she had believed was an
angel.

"Scully, are you ..."

"No," she whispered. "No."

His heart at one broke and crumbled for her. She was ravaged by
this, destroyed by some kind of hope she had placed in this. It
was the reason she'd been acting strangely, and now, the reason
for her indifference.

"Oh, God, Scully, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

He crawled across the bed to her and pulled her tightly to his
chest. They both knew she could not have children, but she had
always held out on miracles.

She stayed stiff in his arms and would not cry.

"I'm sorry," he said again and kissed her hairline with as much
tenderness as he could.

She nodded and turned away from him and closed her eyes.

He felt the world crashing down around him.

===========
Exodus
Chapter Nine
===========
"Earth felt the wound, and Nature from her seat
Sighing through all her works gave signs of woe,
That all was lost."
--Book IX of "Paradise Lost,"  John Milton
===========

"Mulder, really, I'm fine." she said and pushed him out of the
way.

Dana finished mixing the ingredients together in the bowl and
dumped it into a pan, then coated the chicken with the reddish
brown soup.

"I ... I just wanted to know," he said softly.

"The doctor said it was a cold, probably brought on by stress
because that lowers your immune systems response."

"Okay," he said and nodded as if this was a very serious matter.

She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "I'm okay, Mulder. It was
just a little thought I had. Nothing important."

He regarded her carefully and noticed the worn look on her face,
the hidden lines around her eyes and mouth. Once, they'd been
laugh lines, but now, they were age and hard living.

He sighed. He didn't think it was over at all.

===========

Dinner was chicken again and Libby was getting cranky because they
had chicken every night.

"Can't we have macaroni and cheese sometime?" she whined.

She saw her mother's jaw work under the skin and she shut up very
quickly.

"All right, Libby. But eat your dinner now," her mother said.

Libby nodded and shoved some peas into her mouth, trying not to
gag because peas had to be the nastiest vegetable on earth.

"Libby, don't choke yourself, baby. Drink milk and mix your mashed
potatoes with your peas." Daddy winked at her and she smiled and
tried his suggestion.

Surprise lit her face. "They don't taste bad anymore!" she said.

Scully's face went dark and she dug her nails into her palms to
keep from exploding. It wasn't Libby's fault, she knew that. She
was just in a depressed and angry mood.

When dinner was finally over, Mulder stood and placed the plates
in the sink, telling Libby to go and do her homework, and
promising Scully he would do the dishes.

She sighed and kissed him thanks and made her escape.

===========

San Francisco at night was pure energy and relief.

She walked aimlessly down the streets, around blocks, up and down
Pine Street and California and Nob Hill, trying to sort through
all the emotions raging in her.

The air was stiff and it bit into her but her sweatshirt kept her
warm enough to let her walk around and not really notice the wind.

She stopped when she got to Chinatown and ambled through the carts
and street shops and vendors, looking at everything they offered
yet not seeing any of it.

She had wanted another child.

She realized the futility of this now. She could not have
children; she knew that. She had brought the bitter disappointment
on herself, thinking, hoping, wishing that for some reason, God
had given her a baby.

She believed in miracles. She beleived God had saved them in New
York. But it was a bad idea to bring another child into their
already messed up world. It was cruel to even think ...

She had wanted a little boy. She had even begun imagining Mulder's
face when she told him, begun thinking of names that would fit.
She had fooled herself into thinking that they could be real if
she had a child.

She knew this wasn't right. It wasn't even healthy.

They were real, simply because they wanted it to be real.

But like the Velveteen Rabbit, whose Boy had said he was Real,
they were still not *truly* Real. In that story though, a Fairy
had made the bunny Real when he had gotten thrown in the trash.

There were no fairies in this story.

Dana sighed and walked through a shop, watching the fan hum
overhead, the tourists line up at the cash registers for T-shirts
that were selling for five for three dollars and would end up in
the rag pile.

She fingered a silk mock-up of a native Chinese dress and then ran
her hand down its pale blue front. It shifted and caught the light
and seemed to gleam.

A hand caught hers.

She whirled around, panic screaming through her body as she
tensed to run.

"Scully."

She relaxed into Mulder and sighed. "What are you doing here,
Mulder? How'd you find me?"

"I left Libby with Mrs. Shawl. She's okay. Let's walk."

He took her hand and threaded them through the customers and out
into the fading light.

He took a deep breath of the air, smelling the street and the
bodies and the distinct aroma of food.

"Let's stop and get some dessert," he said and led her to a small
building proclaiming its egg rolls.

As they sat in a booth and got comfortable, she stared at him.

"Did you follow me?"

"No." His reply rang truthfully and she blinked.

"How'd you --"

"I just kind of knew," he said.

"What do you mean?"

"I just started walking and ended up in Chinatown and I remembered
how you loved coming here to shop, so ... "

"And you found me anyway?" She shook her head. Chinatown was huge.
It had to be near impossible to find someone in such a place.

"I could find you anywhere, Scully."

She could tell he was honest; no jokes this time.

She sighed and took his hand. "Mulder, I appreciate this, but I
just need some time to kind of walk around, you know. Be alone for
awhile."

"You've been wandering for two hours Scully," he said softly.

She raised her eyebrow and glanced at her watch.

"Look," he said. "Let's just shop around. I've got some money on
me and we can get Libby a little present. We can buy you
something."

She shook her head. "Mulder, we really can't afford --"

"Shh. We can. Just go with it." He gave her a grin that made her
insides curl and she realized just how much he meant to her.

It made her feel wonderful that he had come after her.

"Mulder ..."

"Hmm?" His brows raised and he cocked his head, giving her his
full attention.

For the first time, she noticed that the passion she had always
seen in his eyes when he talked about the X-Files was now focused
directly - on - her.

She shivered.

"I'm going to be okay, Mulder."

The relief cascaded down his face like a dam releasing, and his
eyes closed briefly.

"I believe you, Scully," he murmured.

The egg rolls came and they ate silently, studying their thoughts
and becoming comfortable with their revelations.

When they were finished he paid and took her hand, then led them
out to the street again.

A street cart appeared almost before them and hanging from its
hard carved wooden pegs were necklaces and coin purses and an
assortment of things.

He stopped and pulled her to it, squeezing her hand tightly when
she tried to protest.

He rummaged through the things on the bottom under the watchful
eye of an old woman with yellow teeth and a heavy wool Indian
blanket covering her shoulders. His fingers finally caught on
something and he pulled it up, then handed it to Scully.

It was a ring made of fine thin red-gold, its shape molded by
hands and fire and matching her intensely.

He watched as she admired it. Small etchings decorated the band
and it caught in the dim light of the street vendors. She flashed
it and he grabbed it as she smiled.

He slid it on her ring finger; it snuggled up next to her wedding
ring and stayed there.

He paid the woman and skirted through the crowds with Scully
following behind him. When they reached Fisherman's Wharf, he
guided her to the docks and pushed her to the benches.

She eyed him as he sank to his knees on the ground, sitting up a
bit as curious looks were tossed their way.

"Dana ... Scully. I want you to truly be my wife. Forever. This
ring -- that's what it stands for now. Our real union." 

She bit her cheek to keep the ridiculous tears from falling and
pulled him up on the bench with her.

"Your making everyone stare at us," she hissed.

He smiled and kissed her suddenly, his mouth urgently taking hers.

"You're so cute, you know that?" he said, smirking.

She squeezed his leg and leaned into him. "You're a good friend,
you know that, Mulder?"

"Friend? That it?"

She rolled her eyes. "I would say lover but that would be getting into
some grey areas."

"I'm not a good lover?" He looked wounded.

"Oh, well ..." She gave him a teasing look.

"Oh, I am and you know it," he said and poked her.

"Okay,  okay. I'll admit it. That too."

"Good, cause you're the only one I would let be my lover, you
know."

"Oh really?" she said, her eyebrow arching.

"Really. You wouldn't know by looking at you, but your small
little body is pretty incredible."

He laughed as she blushed and kissed her lips again. "So, want to
head home?"

She pulled him up. "Nah. Let's just walk around some more. Who
knows? I may get some more compliments out here."

"I just better be the one doing the complimenting," he growled and
led her back into Chinatown.

She smiled.

So maybe they didn't have fairies to make things Real, but if they
believed they were, then that was good enough.

He sighed at her smile.

She was home again.

==========END==========