============ The Emilys By RocketMan ============ lebontrager@iname.com Disclaimer: The X-Files belongs to Chris Carter, Fox, 1013. No fringe intended. Spoiler: Emily, US5 Summary: When the Emily project turns into the Eves, things happen. Categories: MSR, XS ==================== The Emilys, Book One ==================== =========== Chapter One =========== Fox Mulder watched the car burn in a mad attempt to control something he had lost long ago. His life. From the instant he was born, he had no doubt that They had been watching him, planning their use for him, conniving ways to screw him over. And this was their latest. But worse of all, it involved the innocent, the ones who had nothing to do with his father's work, his sister's abduction, his own problems. It involved children, mothers, women, men, fathers ... anyone the Consortium wanted, they took. They had taken his family once; they were not doing it again. And so his trusty grey Ford burned to nothing, its gas ignited in such a way that no one could ever realize it had been set deliberately, burned so that a few pieces of bodies remained, bodies he would never ask where they'd come from, but to whom he was grateful. He was assured this would yield no information on their whereabouts; he had Scully's definite approval and his own creative genius to thank for it, along with the help of Skinner and the Lone Gunmen. He turned finally to his family, his new family. "Let's go," he whispered and turned his back on the horror, the lies, forever. He hoped. =========== Four months earlier Sacramento, CA "Elizabeth? Elizabeth Shuley?" came the nurse's voice over the intercom. The older woman with sagging eyes and greying hair pulled herself off of the hard plastic chair and then turned to pull her daughter from play with another little girl -- a girl that could have been her twin. "Come along, Elizabeth. Time to see the doctor." Elizabeth went quietly with her mother, although she hated the doctor and the funny things he made her do, like blow very hard into a tube and run for lots of time on an exercise machine, and then answer questions about terrible things that made her feel bad to think of. She wanted to play with her new friend, Erica, who looked so much like her that the nurses called them sisters. Elizabeth liked the idea of having a sister. =========== Washington, DC "Scully? You got it?" "Mulder, hold on. Just let me get one more thing out of here." "The box is about to fall, Scully!" he yelled, just as the box perched precariously in her arms toppled down the stairs. It landed with a smack into his legs. She grinned at him. "Good catch." He gave her a sarcastic nod and pulled the box up with one hand, his other containing a similiar box. "What are you going to do with all this stuff?" he said, trying to be as civil as possible, but still bleary in the early morning. "I don't know, but I couldn't let all of Emily be destroyed, Mulder." He handed another box up to her and she pushed it further into her small unit-shared attic. "Why don't you go through some of it, Scully?"he suggested softly, knowing from long years as a psych major that it was best to keep memories of loved ones that were good, not horrible or remnant of their last times. "I will. Just later." she said, her face turning away from his just as it did when she'd told him that work was what kept her going after her father's death: the kind of turning away that told him it hurt a lot. "All right. If you want, I'll be here, okay?" She looked at him briefly, nodding. "Thanks, Mulder." =========== Sacramento, CA "What do you mean?" the doctor said, looking at Elizabeth's mother with surprise and horror. "I mean, this is wrong, Sir. I don't care what it's for anymore. All I know is that when she comes home, she cries for days and never speaks until weeks have gone by. I know she's not mine, I know that. I'm not stupid nor am I naive, Sir. And I will not allow this to go on." "Mrs. Shuley, must I remind you that the only reason you have yuor daughter, whomever's she may be, is because of us?" Mrs. Shuley lifted her head. "I don't care. You're hurting her. That's wrong." And Elizabeth watched with growing awe as her mother yanked her up and away from the mean people and back outside to the sun and the love. In the car, speeding away from the clinic and away even from her house, Mrs. Shuley looked to the little girl she had grown to love as her own. Elizabeth's huge blue eyes looked right into her and the tears there almost made her sob herself. "Thank you, Mommy," she said softly, and nothing more. Mrs. Shuley nodded grimly and looked in her rearview mirror. No one yet. She had to get away as quickly as possible, find somewhere to hide out, away from her husband and the men and doctors he worked for. She didn't know precisely what was going on, only that it hurt this little girl, and that made it wrong. =========== DC Scully sat in her living room floor, pulling the box closer to her, and looking at Mulder with trepidation. She had an innate fear of finding out what her biological daughter was like, because doing that would make her real. Emily's death hurt too much already. "Thanks, Mulder." she murmured, her voice barely ascertainable. He nodded and stayed prefectly still, letting her take her time. Scully pulled the flaps down and dived into the mess of things, knowing that as she delved into the boxes, she delved further into the truth. =========== somewhere in CA Mrs. Shuley had been writing one of the other mothers for a long time, after discovering the similiarities that were too hard to ignore. Simms, that was the name, right? Yes how could she ever forget? Elizabeth and Emily had gotten along as angels when they were babies, never gave them a bit of trouble ... But then, they were sisters ... or twins, or something. Mrs. Schuley didn't understand all that went on and Mrs. Simms had begged her not to try to find out, or else ... Else what? All she knew was, Mrs. Simms had tried to find out, and now, her whole family was dead, even Emily. She would not let that happen to Elizabeth. =========== DC "Oh, no," Scully said, shuddering. Mulder looked up in surprise, his features masked by the dying of the light. For the last three hours they had laughed and cried good tears over the photos of Emily as a child, as a healthy baby, on birthdays, at daycare, outside. The Simms had the same natural tendency to take a picture of everything remarkable or unremarkable their first born had done, giving Dana Scully a running slide show on her life, just as Mulder might do for a case. But now, why the horror in her face, the sorrow? "What's wrong, Scully?" he said, immediately coming up beside her to see the snapshot in her trembling hands. Before he even got a good enough look, she was turning to him. "Why Mulder? Why another one? How many are there?" The photo fell from her fingers and he picked it up. The Polaroid was of two little girls, about eighteen months, eyes wide and blue, laughing, and the cutest look of adoration off to the left of the camera. And written underneath was this: Emily Simms, Elizabeth Shuley Mulder felt his heart tremble at the truth behind that. They were exactly alike, and obviously the photo was meant to point that out because it was focused on their very distinctly alike faces. All Mulder could do was put his arms around Scully's sobbing body and hold on. "We'll find her Scully." he said softly. "What if this is clean-up for them Mulder? What if she's already dead?" =========== somewhere in CA "Elizabeth, honey, I need you to try very hard to remember something for me, all right?" Mrs. Schuley asked, her face pinched and worn more than usual, clothes rumpled from sleeping in the car in a parking lot for only four hours. Elizabeth nodded and drew very close to her mother. She knew things that sometimes others forgot. "Okay, can you remember when I told you about your friend, Emily?" Ellizabeth nodded in happiness, her steel trap mind reacalling every incident, every detail of that conversation. "Okay, baby, I know I didn't tell you who the woman was that was with her when she went to heaven, but I remember you looking on the sheet I had." Elizabeth blushed and ducked her head. She wasn't supposed to be reading just yet, and she wasn't allowed at all to look at her Daddy's things, but Mommy had and she thought it all right. "No, no, baby. You did exactly right. Can you remember the woman's name for me?" Elizabeth smiled with pleasure. She loved helping her mommy. "Yes. Yes." "Oh, very, very good darling. Very good. Tell me, please." "Dana Scully, FBI, MD, Washington DC office." she recited, straight from the sheet where it was logged in her memory. Her mother pulled her tight against her and kissed her head and then her cheeks and then her eyelids. "Oh, baby, oh baby, I love you. I love you so much. Thank you darling. You just saved Mommy." Elizabeth's delighted face kissed her mother back and held her hand. "Are we going to visit Dana Scully, FBI?" she said softly. It was the longest sentence she'd ever heard Elizabeth speak ever in her life. "Yes, darling, we are." =========== One week later DC "Okay, once again, darling. Tell me what you do if something happens." Elizabeth's petrified face drew into a pout but she repeated the information. "I go to the building we passed by three times so that I could know it and I go in and ask for Dana Scully, FBI, MD --" "Okay, okay, darling girl. Only Dana Scully. They'll know." "What will happen to you Mommy?" In her fear, Elizabeth talked more than ever before. "I hope nothing. But if-" "I know." =========== "Is Dana Scully there?" Mulder looked up to see Scully's eyes lingering on his with askance. "Yeah she's here." he said into the phone and handed it over to her. She frowned and said hello, her eyebrows knitting together. "Yes, this is Dana Scully, who is this sweetie?" she said, curious at finding a little's girl's voice on the phone. "Mommy said to come here if something happened, Dana Scully, FBI, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do now," was the wail. "It's all right. I'll come see you there, okay? We can find your mommy then." "But I-I know where my Mommy is." "Where, then?" Scully said, her confusion evident to Mulder. "In heaven." Scully's breath came in sharply and she looked to Mulder. "I'll be right there, okay?" "Okay." And then the phone was dropped into the cradle. "Who was that?" Scuuly breathed. "The front desk, why? Who was that on the phone?" Scully shook her head. "A little girl who said she was told to come here by her mother." "Where's her mother?" "Dead." =========== They walked swiftly through the lobby, anxiously pushing aside a crowded tour and weaving around the other agents until they could finally see the front desk. Mulder stopped dead cold, Scully running into him. She pushed herself away from him in annoyance and then stopped as her eyes found the same thing his had. Emily. She trembed as waves of memories overtook her and her mind led her back to the place where her little girl had died. "Elizabeth Shuley." Mulder whispered and it knocked Scully from her trance. Elizabeth, of course. She should have realized that. Mulder went up to the desk, Scully following him weakly. "Hello?" she said to the little girl. "Dana Scully, FBI, MD, Washington DC office?" the little girl rattled off. "Yes, that's me." Scully said, a faint trace of fear in her voice that only Mulder could discern. "Mommy said that you would remember me, but not me. You'd know Emily." =========== The frightened little girl sat with them on the couch, her hand clutching Mulder's, whom she had taken an instant liking to. Scully waited to hear from the police about the body they'd found earlier in the trash cans close to where Elizabeth had run away from. Mulder kept his hand in Elizabeth's, not wanting her to be any more alone than she already felt. But he had a feeling that the little girl knew about Scully, knew about Emily, and was too frightened to admit it. Scully stood when the police officer entered, not wanting to look any less professional in this man's territory. "What can you tell us, Sir?" "Well ..." he began but noticed the little girl. "It's best we didn't discuss it in front of her, don't you think?" Scully turned to Mulder in embarrassment, horrified that she hadn't even thought of it. Mulder stood. "I'll take her outside. Come on, Libby. Let's go get some Dr. Pepper, huh?" The little girl's face brightened at the nickname and the idea and she nodded. Once they were out of sight, Lt. Makra turned to her with slight distaste on his lips. "The woman we discovered was one Nora Shuley, declared Missing and wanted for kidnapping in California. The funny thing is, this woman was killed professionally, Ms. Scully, back of the head, execution style. And also, no one I talked to at the Sacramento PD even knew of this woman or that she was wanted. I think something weird is going on, and I think that I don't want to get involved in it, all right? I'll do whatever to help you, being FBI and all, but please, don't ask me to lie, don't ask me to ignore the facts." Scully's fear turned up a notch. "What do you mean by that?" "I mean ... I know this little girl isn't Mrs. Shuley's, and probably isn't even whoever's got the warrant out for her either, but I'm not going to hide any information for you about this. I know someone who did a favor for your friend, Mr. Mulder, and got blown away the next week, Ms. Scully. Whatever's going on, I'm not in it." He turned and walked to the door leading out to the offices. "Wait. What will you say in your report about the little girl?" "The truth. She was taken into custody by two FBI agents. However, I happened to forget the names, since I was so busy and well, you know, stuff happens." His eyes peered with aging blackness into hers and she gulped and nodded. He left before she could thank him and she had a feeling he wanted it that way. He had a family she knew, had a wife and kids and grandkids that wanted him home every day safe. So she left and did not come back. =========== The Emilys Chapter Two =========== One week later "Libby?" Mulder called through the bathroom door, his voice anxious because she had been in there a long time. "Almost done." she called back, and he heard the toilet flush and the water run. Scully pushed him away from the door with a smile, carrying a bowl of macaroni and cheese in one hand and a spoon in the other. "Leave her alone, Mulder. Don't you know that girls go into the bathroom to cry?" Mulder's shocked face reeled away from her and he looked back at the still closed door. "What?" "Seriously, you're with her all the time, and I'm sure she isn't used to crying around other people or even having to cry. I caught her crying into her pillow the other night. She seemed shocked when I came in to hold her." Mulder frowned and sighed deeply. "She's so ..." He couldn't finish his thought because all he could think was that she was so Scully, stubborn about feelings just like her mother. "Like me? Huh? Yeah, I can see it in your face, Mulder." He smiled and took the dish from her. "Let me set the table before I estrange another one of these Scully women." he said and pulled away to the kitchen. Scully tried to show she wasn't worried, but she secretly was and it had torn her heart when she'd gone in to comfort her little girl and she had shrunk away from her. To Elizabeth, she'd lost her whole family, and to Scully she'd found her true one. "Scully? Is the chicken supposed to taste like this?" "Mulder!" =========== Elizabeth seemed to be a happy child at dinner and joked around with them as she usually did, grinning and smiling and bestowing upon Mulder all her affections. Scully got plenty of the girl's love when Mulder wasn't there to feel it sweet, when the enamored look came across Libby's face when he walked in to see her every day, or the constant questions about whether or not her Mulder would be coming were fired at her. "Is your Mulder coming?" she'd ask and Scully would shrug because she really didn't understand what it was with him these days; it was almost as if he actually loved Libby as his own. Could he possibly? "Dana Scully FBI, can I have some more mashed taters?" Her eyebrow raised and Libby giggled and looked to Mulder, who had evidently taught her to say taters. "Sure, Libby. Mulder, would you like some?" she said as she dished some out to the girl. "Naw. I'm heading for the macaroni and cheese." She smiled at his bashful look and felt an odd sense welling up in her, one of warmth and comfort and, well, peace. As if this was what life was about, not aliens or mutants or casefiles, but people she loved eating together and being together. Libby suddenly gave her a sporadic smile, her mouth filled with chicken and mashed potatoes, and Scully's heart crumbled. This was her family. =========== One month later Mulder ran into the office, his hair disheveled, his tie missing, one shoe not entirely tied, and his eyes wild. She stood in surprise and looked at him. All he could do was stare at her as he tried to catch his breath. She went over to him and sat him down even as he tried to push her away. "I found ... found them spying ... oh God, please, not Libby." Her heart constricted and she dropped to her knees beside him. "What? Mulder ..." "No, she's okay. But I saw men watching her today. I was going to get her out of the day care for lunch and an ice cream or something short, fifteen minutes, as a special treat because of ... but when I got there, I saw a car and a man watching her and watching like she was his next *meal* and he called someone and then he left and I wanted to chase after, but I was afraid they'd do something while I was gone and this was not going to happen again! so I stayed and it turned out to be a change of shift. I left and came here....but *They know* Scully. They know." She steadied him with a hand on his leg, eyes piercing into him. "We realized they would," she said. "I mean, after Cancer Man's death they had to regroup, but that was planned and they knew long before that we had her, Mulder. You're the one who told me that they'd be watching, that we'd have to be ready." "But I thought they wouldn't. I thought they'd leave us alone. I didn't go after her ... I didn't Scully. I wanted to, but she said she'd come to me ..." "What are you talking about?" "My sister. They brought her to me, a way to get me to work for them. She didn't want to have anything to do with me. She had kids, a life, something I couldn't ever do because of her, and yet ... I thought it would all end there. I don't care anymore about it. I just want --" His voice broked off suddenly, sharply as he realized what he'd been about to say. "No. No. I care. Just not so much about the truth. I mean, I want to know the answers now, like you figured out before. I never thought I had the truth. I envied you because you said you knew the truth and that all you wanted were answers. Now, I just want answers. And then for them to leave me alone. For once, stop screwing me over." His head dropped and she took it in her hands, her thumbs resting against his cheeks where she felt tears. "Mulder, we have to leave. At least, Elizabeth and I do. But I'm hoping you'll come with us. We have to disappear completely." His face lifted and she saw the sadness worn there by thousands of things suddenly evaporate as if finally let in the sun. "You ... you want me ... to ..." "Mulder. Call the Lone Gunmen. Set somthing up." =========== One month later DC "Why's it taking them so long, Mulder?" she asked, pulling the little girl's coat off for her so she could go run and play on the swings without it getting in the way. They sat on a familiar-feeling park bench, Libby's coat stuffed between them, their eyes watching her but their thoughts on their plans. "It has to be perfect and that takes time." "I told my mother what's going on ..." "What?!" "Mulder, I have to. I cannot let my mother think I'm dead ... I can't. She understood, a mother would ... that it's to protect me and her own grandchild, she understands." "I'm not telling my mother." She stopped, feeling the coldness of his statement. "Oh." "She wouldn't realize the importance of keeping her mouth shut. I called and told her I loved her though, and that I didn't blame her and that I was sorry she never got Sam back." "What did she say?" "Nothing. She kind of sighed and asked who I was again." "Oh, Mulder ..." "No, it's better this way. Even if she does remember anything important, it won't matter because she's so senile anyway." "Mulder, don't push it away. It won't help. I --" Scully faltered as a woman came up to them, her face old and wrinkled with sun and work and age. She smiled politely at them. "I just want to say what a well mannered little girl you folks have. So sweet to my grandson. He kept trying to get in line for the swings and some other boy was pushing him out but she gave him her spot. I think it shows a very fine set of parents, kindness like that coming from a little girl of no more than three or four." Scully smiled, plainly pleased, and Mulder grinned, his gloominess taken away by the sudden compliment to a little girl he loved. "Oh, and doesn't she look exactly like her father? Such gorgeous smiles," the woman said and moved back to her own bench. Dana looked to Mulder with wide eyes, her breath coming rapidly and in short little bursts. "Her father ..." she murmured. The same round features, full face, thick lips ... "Oh, no." No one had ever thought to ask who the father might be. =========== The Emilys Chapter 3 =========== "Oh ... sh--" "Mulder!" "Ah ... sorry." Scully frowned at him and pulled Libby's books from the top shelf of the bookcase, sneaking a glance to the little girl who was playing cheerfully in the corner of the room and oblivious to the almost- swear word Mulder had said. "What's wrong, anyway?" she said cradling the picture books in her arms and coming up behind him. "I lost the button. The top one and this is my favorite shirt," he said, pulling the dress shirt from his shoulders and closer to his face to see better. Scully could see just fine and it was quite beautiful, but she ignored skin and focused on Libby. "Libby, ready for bed, sweetie?" she asked and walked closer to where she played with GI Joes and Micro Machines. The little girl looked up at her and wrinkled her nose, unwillling to go to bed so soon. "What about bath?" she said, her eyes sparking at the idea of staying up a little bit longer. Mulder walked up and took her hand. "Come on you little imp. Off to bath." "Thanks, Mulder," Scully called as he led the child to the bathroom. He turned back and winked then said, "Could you fix my shirt?" "Without the button?" "Please?" She sighed and reached out for it, catching it as he he tossed the dark blue dress shirt into the air. All she could think was that he looked very distinguished in the blue shirt and she'd try her best to mend it, allowing him to wear it again. "I owe you one, Scully." As she sat down in the chair, pulling a basket of thread and needles out from the end table, she realized that this was all a little too homey, too family-like for comfort. It was like they were married, except that he went home every night, about midnight or one, after she had fallen asleep most times, and that he still didn't talk very much about real life, only cases, only the X-Files. But she really didn't mind. They talked about Libby all the time, about what to fix for dinner, what clothes she would wear ... so maybe they did talk, but never like that night on the rock, searching for Big Blue. She missed it being just them. But she'd never give up Elizabeth, her own daughter ... but maybe even Mulder's ...? ~~~~ He shifted his weight to the palms of his hands, easing the stress from his knees, where he was crouched next to the bathtub, playing a game with Libby in the water since she hated going to bed at night. He would make a letter on her back, through all the suds of the bubbles and the soap, and she would try and guess what it was. It made her squirm and laugh sometimes, because it tickled and he liked helping out in the care of Libby. All he could think about was what the woman had said to them the other day. It astonished him that Libby could be his, his and Scully's and not anyone else's. He was a loser, just as Eddie had said, and what beautiful thing like Libby could come from him? He could see Scully in everything she did, but him? No, it was impossible. He couldn't have a child, maybe even more ... just out there ... without him and maybe dying ... like Emily. If he was ELizabeth's father, then he was Emily's too, and that was even more unfair somehow. "Hey!" He returned his mind to the frowning little girl in front of him, the pouty lips looking eerily familiar on this little girl's face. As his own. "Aren't you going to play?" she said, her forehead knitting and her eyebrows coming together in a distinct Scully fashion. "Let's wash your hair first, Libby, then we'll play." he said and reached for the baby shampoo. She nodded and stopped sliding around in the tub to allow him to lather her head up, her forehead tilted way back to keep it from her eyes. "Okay, let's rinse baby." Mulder said and grabbed the plastic Cool- Whip dish and filled it with water. Her head tilted even farther, if possible, and her eyes squeezed shut tightly and he placed his hand on her forehead to keep the water from trickling into her face. The sudsy water caused the lather to scamper down her hair and slide off into the tub, quickly rinsing all soap from her hair. He poured the water once more to make sure he'd gotten all the soap and then removed his hand. "Okay, Libby. All done." She smiled softly, in her shy and quiet way, and then blinked hard. "No soap!" she said, her eyes ligthing. "I told you, I'm the best at getting the soap out without getting it in your eyes." "Can you give me a bath all the time?" she said, taking one of his hands and spreading the fingers. "Sure, Libby." he said and watched her small baby fingers weaving between his large hand. "Even if you and Dana FBI fight?" He smiled at the nickname and nodded. "But don't worry, Dana and I don't stay mad long." He wondered if maybe he was taking that for granted. "Good. Mommy and Daddy used to fight and Daddy would leave for a long time. He never gave me a bath, and I wasn't supposed to call him Daddy. Me and Mommy called him Sir. He's a very proper man." Mulder smiled. "Proper? Where'd you hear that?" "Oh, from some man who came and talked to Mommy one time. The man sounded rude and like he didn't mean it at all." "Oh. Was Mommy proper?" It was the most she'd ever spoken to anyone in a very long time. Elizabeth was usually very quiet and soft, her words heard only if you listened for them. Mulder had guessed that she wasn't allowed to speak at home very often. That was sad to him. Children had so many delightful things to say. "Mommy was very good. That's what Daddy said once. Very good. I wish Mommy hadn't been very good. Maybe if she'd been better, she'd be all right." Mulder did not touch her, only let the little girl go on moving his fingers around, pushing them and manipulating them, her grief being worked out without tears. "Mommy was trying to make things better." He had trouble saying this to her, because Scully was her real mother, not Mrs. Shuley. "I know. I think she did." "Why do you think that?" Libby's face grew tight and she looked up at him finally, clutching his hand. "Well, *you* love me, right?" "Of course I love you." His words came automatically and only after he said them did he realize how much he wanted her to be his daughter. "And Dana loves me, too, right?" "Yes. Very much." "So it's a lot better. Daddy didn't love me. He told me to get out all the time. Mommy loved me and she made it better. Hey, do you know you have a funny little mark right here?" His brain took a moment to focus as Libby easily switched topics. "Yeah, it's called a birth mark." he said, wiggling his finger to show her. "I got one too!" she pronounced and held her finger right up to his nose to see the tiny brown spot in the exact same spot as his. His breath stopped for a moment and then he kissed her finger. "You sure do, Libby." "I guess bath's over?" she said, her face becomng shy again, her lips pressed tight. "Yes, bath's over. Come on." Mulder lifted her from the tub and dried her off as she watched the bubbles swirl down the drain and urged them on as if it were a race. She turned back to him as he wrapped the huge blue towel around her tightly. "My bubble won!" she proclaimed and made him laugh so hard he fell off the edge of the rub and hit his head on the side. Scully came running in to find him laughing but all right, and Libby laughing and sprawled on top of him, her wet hair in his eyes, and she had to laugh herself. She picked Libby up, rubbing her back to keep her teeth from chattering and said, "You two are very silly." =========== After bedtime and a story, Mulder sat in the dark of her room, watching Libby sleep soundly, her little face peaceful. He felt Scully behind him and turned to see her by the moonlight. "Scully, I think she is ..." he said softly. Scully turned to him with confusion so he stood and gently took Libby's arm, showing the mark. "She has to be." =========== The Emilys Chapter 4 =========== One week later) "It came, Mulder." "It did?" "Yeah, today. I have it." "Did you open it?" "I -- I couldn't." "I'll be there in ten minutes ..." "Mulder, what if --?" "Yeah, what if?" =========== "Scully?" "Coming," she yelled and darted to the door to unlock it and then pulled it open, throwing a glance back to Libby, who was in the living room coloring with markers that Scully hoped wouldn't stain her wooden floors. "Hey, you," he said and then looked over her head to see Libby. "Hey Libby!" he said and watched the delight spread across her face at his arrival. Elizabeth had been attached to him from the beginning. "I'm colorin' in the lines." she said and held up her coloring book for him to see. "Wow, very nice. You should think about being an artist when you grow up," he said, walking further into the living room with Scully right behind him. "Nope," she answered quite seriously. "Oh? Then what?" "An FBI like you and Dana FBI ... okay?" He smiled at her and sat down beside her. "Sure. Whatever you want to be." Dana sighed at the nickname and then pulled Mulder into the kitchen where they could talk and not have Libby overhear any of it. She had an express mail envelope clutched in her hands and a very fearful expression on her face. "Here," she said and handed it over to him. He gave her a disarming smile, trying to make it more comfortable for her, and then ripped open the envelope, worried that Libby wasn't his, or was his. His eyes scanned the paternity test report and Scully watched every line of his face, needing the truth about how he felt towards Libby, towards the whole crazy situation. Then he glanced up at her and his face was glowing, his eyes the lightest shade of brown she'd ever seen, actually looking content for once in his life. "Yeah," he said softly and bit his lip at the expression of almost horror on her face. "She's mine." Scully turned away from him and felt her heart beat wildly out of control, her breath escape like a fleeing prisoner, her very life shatter around her. "Scully, I don't ... don't want you to feel like you have to do anything, because if this is making you uncomfortable, I'll ... I'll just ... well, I don't know. But please don't take her away from me. Just don't leave ..." Scully turned back sharply and shook her head with grateful tears that she would not let fall. "No, no. I wouldn't dare. I wouldn't. Not without you Mulder. She loves you. I was just afraid you wouldn't want ... all of this." "I had it before it was proved to be true, though, didn't I?" Her head nodded mutely and her eyes shimmered with the beginnings of happy tears. "The what does this matter?" "It matters, though. I mean, they did this to both of us, Mulder. Created something, someone, without our permission, when it should have been our decision to ... our act ..." Scully stopped, everything hitting her at once. She'd been depressed because she'd been barren, unable to give a man a child, and yet, here was Elizabeth, a child of her and a child of Mulder. Both of them. "How ... how ..." she murmured, unable to get past the idea of Mulder in the little girl sitting in her living room, a piece of him in Libby as she put her to bed. Suddenly Mulder took her by the arms, his face excited. "I meant to tell you. The Lone Gunmen finally managed to get names and records for us, to live under when we, uh, leave. It'll only take a few weeks to settle everything and then, we just go. On some random day we just leave and we don't tell anyone." She nodded and looked back to Libby. "Mulder, she's ours ... together. Almost like a living monument to what we are, what we've accomplished." Mulder stared down at her. She was reading a lot into this; he wasn't sure if it really meant all that much. She turned to face him. "I'm glad it's you, Mulder. You and not anyone else to be the father of my child." Words and breath left him as she walked back out to Libby and sat down to color alongside their little girl. He got it now. He got it. He was the father of Dana Scully's child. A rare honor indeed. He walked over to them and picked up a marker and doodled aimlessly on a white sheet of paper. Patterns took root and he followed them out until they made beautiful roses and flowers that twined around the page and grew like ivy up the sides. He watched Scully for a moment and then leaned on close to her, one finger touching her leg to get her attention. She turned and found his face right before hers and his lips mere breaths from touching hers. His lips moved and he said: "I wouldn't have any other mother for my child." And then a soft kiss was left on her neck. =========== Dana fell asleep before he left, her exhaustion due to eight hours in the forensics lab trying to come up with some conclusive data on their case, but not succeding until very late. Mulder put Libby to bed and tucked the sheets around her and kissed her good-night. "What story do you want tonight, Libby?" She shook her head, a yawn escaping and a sigh of sleepiness. "Can you sing to me?" she asked. "I'll try my best. What song?" "I don't know. Any kind." she said and her eyes seemed intent on drifting shut. "All right. Let me think." He took her hand in his and played with her fingers, in much the same way she had done to his in the bathtub, and then looked up as he remembered one. So he began singing something called "May I Call You Father?" to her, his hand holding one of hers and his voice not very good, but low and rhythmic and lulling. He figured the song was appropriate even if it was a church song about God. Soon she was asleep and Mulder moved away, placing a soft kiss to her brow and removing his hand from hers. Then he went into the living room where Scully had fallen asleep on the couch and slid his arms around her and picked her up. Her eyes flickered open and slid shut and he managed not to wake her up entirely, which he could tell because she would have protested to being carried like a child if she was awake. He laid her on the bed and pulled a blanket around her, tucking her in much the same way he had Libby. Instinct overtook him and he gave her a soft kiss again, in the same spot as before, and he imagined her skin remembered the touch because her neck arched and allowed him closer. He left quietly, locking the door behind him and sitting out by the stoop for a long time to make sure none of Them were watching that night. Usually they only watched on Saturday and Sunday nights, as if they expected that anything big would happen on the weekend. He got in his car and went to his apartment, but he could no longer call it going home. =========== "Dana?" came the soft voice in her ear. She awoke slowly and turned her face to see Libby in the moonlight, eyes wide and fearful. "What is it, Libby?" she said softly, pulling the girl closer to her. "Where's your Mulder?" she said, face pouting, giving her the famed Mulder puppy dog look. How could the child *not* be his? "Mulder went home to bed." "Can't he go to bed here?" "Well, his bed is at his house." "But I want Mulder to live here with me." she said, her voice trembling as if she would cry. "Baby, Mulder needs to go to his house too." "But ... doesn't he get lonely?" "Oh, well, I don't know." "Does he have a Libby at his house?" Scully was startled by that. What did she mean? Did she know there were others exactly like her, or had the comment been simply child thoughts? "No, he doesn't." "Does he need to get away from us for awhile, Dana?" "I don't think so. He likes being with us. His house is just not with us." "Can we let this be his house?" "And how do we do that?" Libby's face brightened. "You ask him!" "Why would I?" "Don't you love Mulder?" she said, her child simplicity overextending. "Well, yes. But --" "So, ask him. I feel better when he's here." Scully's face fell and she sat up. "You do?" "Yes. He makes things safe. Mommy told me that boys made things safe for us and that's why you had to have them." "Well, don't you think we are safe right here?" Her baby face scrunched up tightly until she had thought about it. "I think so. But I love Mulder. I want him to go to bed here ... please?" "I can't make him, Libby. He has to choose to do that." "Oh." Libby fell into silence and then sighed. "Can I sleep with you, Dana?" she said softly, shy again. Dana pulled her into the bed and slid under the sheets, making them both comfortable. "There, feel better?" "Unh-huh. I love you Dana." she said as her eyes drifted shut. Scully felt her whole body melt into this little girl's words. "I love you too, baby." "Can we pray that Mulder doesn't get lonely?" "Sure, sweetie." "Okay. You do it." "All right. Dear God, please don't let Mulder be lonely tonight, Amen." "Amen," Libby echoed but it was far away and fast receeding. =========== Mulder laid stretched out on his couch, mind reeling with the night's events, the wonderful, the horrible truth he'd found out. He was livid that they would take his own life and create something out of him without his knowledge, but he had to say, if he'd known, he wouldn't object to it. Libby was wonderful, beautiful, lovable. And Scully was her mother. The mother of his child. Odd. He had thought of Libby as her child, even when he found out. But Libby was his. His. He fell asleep comforted by the image of her soft, loving face as she fell asleep to his lullaby. =========== The Emilys Chapter 5 =========== The discovery of an Erica Knox placed in foster care with the Knox family at six months made them decide finally what should be done. Erica died on a Monday after a frightening sequence of events that no one could quite remember correctly. The foster mother said she was sickly from the beginning and had been recieving treatment for a blood disorder since a baby, but couldn't find the disease when asked to point it out in a medical dictionary. Libby had been allowed to see Erica before she died and remembered the nurses calling them sisters and so she told Mulder everything she remembered about the clinic and the tests and the treatments. Mulder and Scully discussed for a long time what had to be done until they realized that there were probably many more 'Emilys,' as they'd come to call them, and this made them furious, yet impotent. They decided that they had to leave then, go underground and find the others, because they were their children, and neither wanted to let them die. Scully was surprised when he so readily gave up the X-Files. She was certain there was more he wasn't saying that would give him such ease in simply dismissing the problem of his obssession like that. She accounted it to falling in love his little girl, but knew deep down that wasn't enough for someone like Mulder. Eventually, it was easier and safer for Mulder to simply spend the night on her couch, both realizing that the Consortium was cleaning house and that they could be on the list of things needing cleaning. Skinner had backed them into a corner one night after work and sort of forced their hand, so they had told all, and he had been furious. But not at them. In fact, he had promised to help in any way he could. Libby had taken to calling him Uncle Skinner, since her parents called him by his last name. But she never realized what was going on, being barely four. =========== "Okay, Libby, listen to me baby." Scully said, her voice wavering as the plans seemed to fall into place with the silent ease of snipers on the roof. "Okay." Libby said, putting down her picture book. "We're going to move someplace so that we can look for more of your sisters, all right?" "Like Erica?" "Yes, honey, like Erica." "Why?" "Well, we need to make sure they are okay. You remember how you said it was better because Mommy gave you to us? Well, that's what we're trying to do for the others. Make it better." Libby nodded. "Okay, now honey, we need to tell you something else, too." Libby looked at Mulder with sneaking suspicion. "What?" she said warily. "Mulder and I are your Daddy and Mommy now, okay, Libby?" Libby smiled. "Okay." Then her face fell and she turned to Mulder. "Do I have to call you Sir, now?" Mulder laughed despite the seriousness and shook his head. "You'd better not. Call me whatever you want." "Can I call you silly?" He grabbed her and tickled her. "I think you're the one being silly." She giggled and clutched him, her hands snaking around his neck. "Okay, so we're moving and I have a better Mommy and Daddy and what else?" Scully laughed. "Well, your new Mommy and Daddy have new names." Her face grew confused. "Why?" "Well, we need to be secret when we look for your sisters, so that people won't know us and won't be able to find us." "What about your Mommy and Daddy? Do you not want them to find us?" she cried, stricken at the thought. "Oh, I told my Mommy the truth and she'll know us. It's okay baby." Scully stroked her cheek as Mulder held her. "Are you okay, Libby?" Mulder said softly. "What will I call you? I can't say your names ... Can I call you Mommy and Daddy now?" "If you want to, baby." She buried her face into his chest and sighed softly. "I want to." Mulder ran his hand along her back, easing her and trying to keep her from getting upset. "Okay. But, you're still Libby, all right?" This seemed to be comforting and she nodded against him. Scully motioned to Mulder that Libby was sleepy and they put her to bed. The snipers were in postion, waiting for the signal. Which was all how they ended up on the road, watching the fire chew away the last of their old lives, and their new ones rise like a phoenix from the ashes. =========== The Emilys Chapter 6 =========== Driving to a little Connecticut town outside New York City took longer than expected, and Elizabeth fell asleep in the back seat before they had even gotten close. Scully felt exhausted, her mind revolving around in ridiculous circles of thought that served only to worry her even more. All she could think was that she was leaving everything she knew for a life she didn't even know if she wanted. The words of the social worker in charge of Emily came back many times to haunt her. Yes, devotion was a word for it, but seeing Libby and loving her were two entirely different things: Libby had gradually become her life. And Mulder had gone along with it too. But she often peered anxiously into the back seat of their dark blue truck, something Skinner had managed to acquire for them. Who would think of looking for them in a truck? It was a beautiful truck, a rich blue that Mulder said teasingly was the color of her eyes when she had gotten angry at him and shot him. It wasn't really, but the image stayed with her and she liked the truck more and more as the miles increased and they went further from their lives. Libby moved in her sleep and Scully looked back to see her stretched comfortably along the seat, her rounded face slack and innocent. She clutched the teddy bear Mulder had given her as a moving present, her lips pressed against its curly fur and her eyelashes resting along the top of its head. She had called him Teddy and kissed Mulder on the forehead for the gift. The delight in Mulder's face was something Dana Scully had never expected to see in him, especially not in connection to his child, to her child. Mulder had a very strong attachment to the girl even before the full truth was known about her parentage: she had seen their bond in the way Libby responded to him from the very beginnning. She adored him, and Mulder adored her. It made her feel that maybe this was something that could last. If not for her, then for Libby especially. She shoved aside her own wants and desires for the man at the wheel, the man who had become more than a work partner to her, more than anything she had ever thought to describe his as. She pushed all that away and tried to focus on Libby only. But the thing was, she saw Mulder in Libby every step of the way, even more now that she knew he was her father. As she was forced to spend more time with a child than with adults and their real intelligent conversations, Mulder became more and more her lifeline; Scully did not want a lifeline but it was there anyway. "Scully?" His voice broke through her brooding and she turned to see his profile. He kept his eyes on the road, his cargo more precious than risking a glimpse to let his eyes soak in Scully. But he let them flicker to the rearview mirror to see if Libby was completely asleep. "Scully, do you know her birthday?" The question shamed her and she shook her head sorrowfully. She had never even thought of it before. Libby was only three, she supposed, since Emily had been three, and the even more horrible truth was that she didn't even remember when Emily's birthday had been. "I think we should give her one once we get settled." "Good idea," she said, relieved he had taken her off the hook. "Maybe we should let her choose?" "No. Children need stability, not a friend in their parents. We'll simply tell her it's her birthday, and celebrate it." Scully nodded again. "How do you know so much about stuff like this?" He shrugged and a shy grin lit up his face, much in the same way Libby smiled when she felt out of place in her new family. The similarity hit Scully hard and she shivered. No doubt in her mind anymore. "I did major in Psychology, Scully," he said, his eyes darting for a moment when he was tempted to look at her. "Oh. Yes, but I didn't know that really fell under that. I've never seen you really get involved with the other kids we've been around before." He was silent for a moment. "Libby's different." "Because she's yours?" His brow wrinkled and he tensed his jaw as if the words had hurt him. "No, because she was yours." he said softly. Scully remembered his brief conversation with Emily, about Mr. Potatohead and the way he had taken an immediate interest in her. He had done everything in his power to keep her safe from the doctors, the "Them" behind things. Everything in his power and more. She had never thought to thank him for it. "Mulder --" "Ah. Not Mulder anymore." His words were a slap in the face. Not Mulder anymore. Almost as if they were becoming completely different people, different from the Dana she had always been, Mulder different from the true Mulder he had always been. She could understand now why Libby had been so upset until they'd told her she would be keeping her same name. "I don't like this at all," she said softly. Mulder's face broke and he glanced to her, not able to resist. "No, not all of this. I just hate change. I abhor it because it makes me very afraid," she explained. "Well, let me tell you Scully. You are definitely changing." Since when did Dana Scully ever admit to fears? "Yeah. And sometimes I'm sure it's for the better and other times I'm not so sure. I know that it should be." "That's okay to think it's not going to be better. It may not be. They may hunt us down anyway and kill us all." "Mulder!" "It's true." "How miserable you must be," she said glancing to his tense face. "No, I'm being truthful with myself." His eyes grazed hers, soaking in the unhappiness and insecurity that welled up in her eyes. "Scully, look. If you think this is going to end up as a happy-ever- after story, you're incredibly wrong. It's not." Her eyes were troubled and discouraged and he hated himself for breaking the wonderfully beautiful bubble she had managed to keep around her all her life, even through the tragedy. "But I want it to be, Mulder. I don't know if this is going to work at all, but I know two things. I have my daughter. I have you. That's enough for a happy ever after." He saw he had not broken her naivete and he rejoiced inside. He needed that innocence within her to keep him afloat during the times he knew would come. "You're so wonderfully innocent, Scully," he said with a little sigh that ached to caress her lips. She looked at him oddly and then focused on the prime goal of their discussion. "When should her birthday be?" "Sometime before ours. Mine's in October and yours is in November. Let's space it out a bit more okay?" "Sure. Like when?" "How about some time next month? Like May twentieth or something." She nodded. "When I was little I wished my birthday was in May because it was always too cold to do anything fun." He smiled, finding her story adorable and thinking himself idiotic to find a childhood story adorable when it was probably something a lot of little girl's did. "Okay, so four on May ... what? I picked the month, you pick the day." "Wait, what does the birth certificate we had made say for her?" He shrugged. "Nothing. We fill it in. It's only got the year and physical stuff. The Lone Gunmen didn't even have them put in the name, thinking we would want to change it often." She sighed and looked disconsolately out the car window. "That's sad to me. Our little girl has a blank birth certificate, almost as if that could make her not exsist." He did not miss the use of 'our' in the sentence and it gave him another one of the fuzzy feelings he had been getting lately. "It's not so bad, Scully. You're making me depressed, you know." She smiled at his unsubtle way of getting her spirits up. "Well, you know. One of us has to be, right?" He smiled back and continued peering out into the darkness falling and could not help being afraid for the first time. But it wasn't a fear of the people after them, or of the newness of what they were doing, but a fear that Scully would get sick of it all and leave him, leave with his little girl. He would do anything to keep that from happening. Anything. =========== In Lancet, Connecticut, they found open arms and a healthy suspicion for strangers that they supposed would work to their advantage. Smaller numbers meant immediate visibility to the shadows watching them, and Mulder and Scully wanted to forget about anything previous for awhile. Mulder took a job in the area of school counseling and was able to take Libby to work with him. After the scare with the daycare, Mulder did not want Libby going to a place where he or Scully would not be. For a switch they called each other by their new last names, too. Well, Scully did and Mulder simply could not bring himself to calling her by the last name they now both possessed. Jared and Sue Miller were their new names, and Miller was a close enough variant to Mulder that Scully felt reasonably comfortable calling him that. Mulder did not think he even looked like a Jared and so he encouraged this, but it got them odd looks from the xenophobic townspeople. Mulder called her Sue which was close to Scully he guessed, but it felt strange and he only called her by this name when he had to absolutely get her attention in public. He hated the names and was glad that their identification was also like Libby's birth certificate, blank and changeable. It was only their credit cards that were under those names. Scully finally found work in New York City's Burn Clinic and commuted an hour to the city every morning and every night, her job requiring many hours in the beginning. It was not at all as she had imagined it. It was tedious and fearful and it took her entire emotional battery just to deal with the patients she saw every day with horrible burns all over. When she got home, there was Mulder with his uncomfortable comfort, and Libby with her insatiable need for love and attention from her mother. She was her father's all day long, but at night, Scully often ended up falling asleep before she could even have dinner. It made Libby sad and Mulder just put up with it because all he could think was that if she was like this, then she still needed him. He played with Libby at night and carried Scully to bed, tucking her in and kissing her forehead because for some reason, her entire body relaxed when he did. He gave Libby a bath and played water games with her that he remembered from his own childhood and read to her. She didn't ask for singing anymore. Then one day, Scully called Mulder at his work, and had him paged over the PA system of the middle school so that she could talk to him right then. He excused himself from the eighth grade boy he had a counseling session with and went to the nearest phone: they hadn't put one in his office yet. It was Scully's voice but not his Scully and all he could think was that something horrible had been done to her. "Mulder, oh God, Mulder." "Shh ... it's okay, Sue." he said, stressing it because she was saying the wrong name and they phones could be tapped. "No, no, not right now, please, Mulder. I found ... oh Mulder. Get Libby and come down here, please." His breath caught and he glanced quickly around him. "All right, all right. Are you okay, Scully?" She laughed and it sounded false. "You don't know how much I needed to hear my own name for once. Yeah, I'm physically fine. Just get down here and I'll be a lot better." "I'm coming, Scully." He wanted to say 'I love you' but he just hung up and went back apologetically to the boy, rescheduling and making the excuse that he had a family emergency. He picked Libby up from where she was playing nurse to the sick kids with the Room Mother that volunteered for the duty, and then walked her out to his truck. They had bought another car when it became evident that they both needed one. A life without the subway was pretty expensive, they realized. He firmly attached Libby's seatbelt and then his own, and pulled out of the driveway of the school building as if fire was chasing after him. Libby looked up in concern at him. "What's wrong Daddy?" she said, clutching the teddy bear she always took with her. "Mommy called, baby, and she wants us to come visit her where she works." Libby nodded thoughtfully and then sighed. "Will she be very tired like she is when we see her at home?" Mulder smiled sadly and shrugged his shoulders. "She might be, but don't let that make you feel bad, baby. Mommy just has to work a lot and it's not very fun work. She is sad because she's away from you and it it all makes her very tired and so she falls asleep. She doesn't want to, you know that. She wakes up happy in the morning and plays with you, remember?" Libby nodded and said softly, "I know. I'm not too sad, I just miss Mommy." Mulder nodded softly and could feel his insides melt to his heart and stick there like silly putty. "I know baby. I miss her too." =========== He walked faster with Libby on his hip and found he had reached the clinic doors before he had even time to register he was there. He searched anxiously for Scully, and was about to have her paged when she came out from behind the double doors that led into the ICU. And ICU in an emergency burn clinic was a very serious thing. She walked to him as if in a dream and he stood there as she advanced, holding his free arm out to her. She crashed into his chest and buried her face there as she finally let the tears sob through her. He held her tightly and rested his nose in her hair, as Libby squeezed her mother with the arm that held her teddy bear. Scully's co-workers looked on with curiosity at the man they'd heard often of, but had never seen, decided he was gorgeous, and so the doctors lost the bet and had to pay the nurses twenty bucks each. Mulder held her and wondered at the cause of such heart-rending emotion from his stoic Scully and carefully put his hand to her cheek when her face lifted from his shirt, his blue dress shirt. "I found one, Mulder. One of ours," she whispered, so that only he could possibly hear. His stomach lurched and his lunch felt decidedly too heavy. He set Libby down and took her hand gently, knowing all the many things a curious girl of his could get in to. "Do you know ... the name?" he said roughly, feeling his emotions being killed harshly by the defense mechanisms within him. "Yes. Erin ... Mulder, oh, no. I shouldn't have told you to come here with Libby. The m-mother is inside there, and if she sees her ..." "Yeah, I see. I see. I'll ... um, I don't want to leave you, Sc--" He stopped and looked around at their audience, including one very frightened little girl. "Can we go somewhere private?" She nodded deafly and led them to the conference room that was being unused at the moment. Once inside she put on a forced smile for Libby and picked her up. "Hey baby. Did you have a good day?" Libby hugged her hard, her cheek pressing up against her mother's and her eyes squeezed shut with intense concentration. "Don't be sad, Mommy." Scully held her and closed her own eyes, reveling in the feel of her living child, more than ever realizing the incredible miracle they'd been given in finding Elizabeth alive. "I'll be all right, Libby. Don't worry." Mulder sat down with them, across from Scully who had Libby on her lap now, and eyed her with all the force of their unspoken communication. "Mulder, when she --" "Mommy!" Libby said forcefully. "You're not supposed to call him that!" Her face was genuinely fearful and Mulder smiled. "It's all right for now, baby." he said and tapped her nose. She grinned and dragged her teddy to the table, dancing him around with her hands. "When the mother leaves, I'll let you go in, Mulder. I can't think of a good excuse for you to be in there otherwise. I can because I'm her doctor ... but I can't just say, here's my husband, is it okay?" Scully's casual manner of calling him her husband, even though it was something they never even talked about, made him shiver and he smiled a bit at her. Their marriage license was another one of those blank things that could be filled in if the need arose to have to produce them. So, in effect, their 'marriage' seemed just as farcical. She seemed flippant about it, but never had she called him her husband. It kind of put a new twist on things. "All right, I understand. Do you want me to wait in here until then?" "No. It's not a very good place for Libby. Everything can be heard from here. I'll show you to one of the rec rooms we have close to Erin's room." They emerged and began walking down the corridor, skirting the rushing gurneys and racing paramedics. Libby's eyes were wide and Mulder made sure to keep a firm hand on her back as they walked. He was holding her again; she liked being in his arms. Scully pushed the door open and said hello to some friends who were drinking coffee and talking, introducing her husband and her daughter to them. Just as Mulder slid inside, Erin's mother came up to her. Scully slammed the door shut which surprised the hell out of Mulder until he heard voices and then sat down, prying Libby's arms from his neck. Libby sat on the cold plastic couch and it reminded her frighteningly of the place she'd been before, where she'd met one of her sisters and where her old mother had run from. She looked up with anxiousness at her father and took his hand. Mulder smiled down at her reassuringly and patted her shoulder, pulling her closer to him, but not into his lap. She had to deal with things eventually. The nurses who were talking began saying hello to Libby and soon his little girl had let go of his hand and was showing them her bear. He joined in and had a cup of coffe again, realizing he almost missed the taste of horrible office-made workplace coffee. He missed his basement and the stacks of files and the muskiness. He missed being eccentric and unreliable, but also, he enjoyed being a father to his little girl, and being a friend, a *something* to Scully. Scully came back at around one, bearing vending machine food that was as healthy as possible. They sat at the small table and Libby said grace but ended up taking ten minutes as she prayed for everything they had individually. Mulder could feel the amused smiles of the nurses behind him who were also on lunch break and had been commanded by Libby to bow their heads. When Libby had gotten around to saying thank you for her family, listing him and Scully along with the teddy bear she had and some of her dolls and even the nurses, who had quickly become 'family' to her, Mulder looked up and saw Libby's roving eye, searching for things to thank God for. He motioned to her and she stopped and got back on track and simply said Amen to end it right in the middle of thanking God for birds. They ate plastic-wrapped sandwiches that had come from the gift shop and chips from the vending machine. Mulder had lukewarm Iced Tea and Scully had Diet Coke; water was presented for Libby who made a face and made the nurses laugh. For dessert, which Mulder had looked upon as a gift from God truly because Scully did not usually go in for things like candy bars and chocolate, they had Twinkies, a new experience for Libby. When they were done, Libby said with tremendous satisfaction. "I love Twinkies!" Her smiling, frosting covered face was cute but Scully groaned and looked to Mulder. "This is your fault. You're the one who eats the junk food," she said and gave him a face. However, the nurses were laughing and Scully was not really mad and he smiled angelically at her and cleaned Libby up. They sat down for the remaining ten minutes of her lunch hour, which in truth was forty-five minutes and was thinking about being cut again by the board to thirty. Scully pulled Libby into her lap and took down the clip from her hair, producing a brush and comb from her lab coat pocket. Libby made faces as her hair was brushed, solely for the entertainment of the nurses, and then smiled when Scully patted her head and let her go. All of this Mulder watched with growing content, despite the horribleness lying in wait for him just beyond. Libby played with the nurses until they had to leave and then returned to where her mother and father sat talking quietly about things she wasn't very sure of -- like burns and degrees and bad things that made her afraid. She crawled into her mother's lap and immediately received warm hands on her face, traveling along her cheeks and in her hair and soothing her. She closed her eyes and felt sleep creeping up. "I have to go back to work now, baby," she heard a few moments later, as the hands stilled and her mother shifted. "Do you want to sleep in Daddy's lap?" She nodded sleepily and felt her Daddy pick her up carefully and then the warmth of his lap. Scully leaned over and kissed her forehead and then moved up, by some instinctive impulse, felt her lips brushing Mulder's forehead too. His surprise was unequal to her own and she left, silently berating herself for doing what had then come naturally. As she walked from the room she turned suddenly and looked back. "I'll come get you later," she said, hesitating to say his name. Their real names were powerful things, weapons to use for good or evil. Speaking his name would undo every wall she had built up around her heart. =========== The Emilys Chapter 7 =========== His hands were sweating and his heart flopping around in his chest like a piece of meat in a dog's mouth as it played with its food. He felt cold and far away as he moved down the hallway, Scully walking softly by his side and almost touching his hand, so close he could feel the heat radiating off her body. The door to Erin's room loomed close and cold, the sterile white reminding him of doors from another life, where Scully had been behind it, frightened and dying. He closed his eyes and took a breath of the antiseptic and hand lotion air, waiting for the trembling to stop. Scully touched his arm and led him forward. What she had told him earlier was no preparation for the horror he saw inside. A little girl lay on the bed, elevated on one side to keep her sensitive skin from the bedsheets, and bandages wrapped around her face. The rest of her body had very bad burns, so bad that bandages would cause irritation and might inhibit the skin from ever healing -- if it did at all. The angry red blisters covering her arms and legs made Mulder's stomach turn and an acidic taste rise in his mouth. He watched the monitor, needing to avert his eyes from the little girl that was part him and part Scully. But it didn't hurt soul-deep like he thought it would, like if Libby had been the one on the bed. That made him feel guilty because the child was his and in pain simply because she was his, but he couldn't manage to feel more than he did for her. She was a child in pain, an innocent suffering for the sins of others and although that was tragic enough, he could not feel the hurt that would be added if he loved her as he did Libby. It still caused tears to clog up in his eyes and he put his knuckles to his mouth to block the strangled cry of desperation at who they were dealing with. "Did they start the fire?" he whispered. Scully nodded and looked to him. "Mulder, we're not to blame for this. I can't let you start feeling that we are, because I'm so close to feeling that too. She's ours, yes, but we did not ask for this ..." "We did not ask for Libby either, but I'm glad we have her." "You know this is different," she said harshly, all softness gone from her. He knew it was how she dealt with things like this. He saw the harshness when she arrived home from work each night, and saw it slip away with her family, saw it slide into place when she left for work in the morning. "I know. It doesn't ache like I thought it would. It aches to see something of mine hurt so terribly like this, in fire ..." He shivered and began to feel the flames he had battled all of his life. "It's okay Mulder." she said softly, knowing exactly what his mind had turned to. "Anyway, I know what you're trying to say. It hurts when I see children burned so badly, and it hurts more that it's a child of mine that I never had the chance to love, but that's the catch. I never had the chance to love her, Mulder." He drew her against him but she was stiff and tired and she did not sink into him like he wished. Instead she pulled back away and swiped the tears from her eyes. "It's time you got back to Libby. I don't know how long she'll sleep in here and I'd like her to be able to get some rest." "Scully why don't you come on home with us? Get away from it for awhile." She shook her head. "I have to be here when she dies, Mulder. I can't -- can't just let her --" "Scully, her mother is here already." he said softly, guiding her away. "You won't even be allowed in when it comes to that. Who wants the doctor there as their child dies?" Scully angrily pushed tears from her face and looked ready to chew him out. "Scully, come back with us. Be with your daughter tonight." She looked confused until she realized who he meant and then she felt ashamed. She nodded and let him lead her back to the rec room where Libby was sleeping soundly. She bent down and picked her up, taking care not to wake her too much. The girl mumbled in her sleep and clutched at her mother's lab coat, but easily went back to the deep sleep of before. They walked out of the clinic, dodging screaming sirens and the running doctors shouting loudly to medics. Scully kept her hand over Libby's ear to keep the noise away and rested her cheek against her child's. She climbed into the angry-eyes blue truck and laid Libby out in the back seat, easing the safety belt over her slack form. Mulder started up their truck and strapped in his belt, just as Scully did and they looked at each other solemnly. It seemed as if something very important had changed utterly and drastically. They were not the same as before, not the same two individuals who had commited to keeping their little girl protected and themselves apart. Scully had only Mulder and Libby now, despite any of the others they might find, and she did not want separation from the only man she could ever have. She knew now there would be no end to this. Forever they would be other people, forever. She might as well make the best of it. No ... she would make the best of it because she wanted it. She wanted this. =========== One week later "Mr. Miller?" came the hesitant voice of a thirteen year old boy he had been counseling for awhile. The boy had many things in common with him at that age. Mike's mother had been found dead in the woods outside of town two years ago and his sister still hadn't been found yet. Many people were heartless and said things in front of him that hurt a lot and Mulder had been trying to instill a sense of self- esteem again in the boy. He had to keep telling him it wasn't his fault. "Yeah, Mike?" he said, standing to shut the door behind him. "Well, I don't want to be nosy or anything, you know how much I hate that and everything ..." "Ask away Mike. Don't worry about it." He looked really nervous, as if it was a question others had put him up to and he wasn't sure still about the validity. "Yeah, well. I just want to say first that I don't think it's really ayone else's business what goes on in your family." "I appreciate that Mike," Mulder said, feeling a wave of bitterness surge around him. They'd found his family. "Well, a lot of people are talking, and it disturbs me because I can see how it might be true, but I wasn't going to say anything, 'cause like I said, I really don't see it as my business, but my parents are worried, you know how devout they are and pious and everything ..." "Go on, Mike." "Well see, they're the reason I'm even asking. But see, the thing is, some women saw something and heard some things and now they're stirring everyone up. It's a small town and well ..." "What is it Mike?" "Well ... Are you gay?" Mulder's mouth dropped open. "What?!" "Sorry. I knew you weren't. Shi- Oh, sorry. I knew you weren't. My parents wouldn't listen to me! I told them." "Mike, why are people saying that?" he said softly, wishing it was just talking bad about the new folks. "Well, see, some of the women supposedly heard some things from Libby about how you had other names and stuff, but they figured she was being a kid, making stuff up, you know? But then she said her Mommy and Daddy didn't, uh, well, sleep together. And that they never said they loved each other, and that ... well, anyway. I mean, it's all crap, 'cause they believed her and even if it is true that doesn't mean you're gay. But some people don't like you guys so much, you know? Being new and all." Mulder nodded silently and talked to Mike a bit longer but he could tell the poor kid still wondered about it all because little kids didn't usually make up such crazy stuff about their parents. Mulder collected Libby and went home with a dreadful feeling. They couldn't be making such a big noise as all this, or else someone would hear the ruckus and come looking. He shivered and made it home in a daze, Libby watching him anxiously as he took her in the house. Scully got home at six now, since she had taken to leaving early if she could, despite the other doctors' assertion that she should be there forever like them. He waited for her and made a limp dinner of dry chicken, peas, and mashed potatoes because Libby liked them, and sat around, not reviewing any of the kids he was assigned to, not even playing with Libby. Mike's words haunted him. Not because of what others had said about him being gay -- that was absurd -- but more about Libby saying everything she had said, making them more than just new people to this New England town. It worried him that Libby felt her family so odd as to need to talk about it. Maybe it had all been acquired quite innocently, but why those specific things? They didn't tell each other 'I love you,' that was true. They didn't sleep together and they never acted on the physical part of their marriage, that was also true. But they were married in more than just physical. Everything about them was unified, one being, one soul mated for eternity. He believed that and he knew she did too. They had even talked about it. She told him everything, he told her everything. No restraints, no worries about anyone getting mad and leaving because simply, neither wanted to be without the other, without Libby. There were no divorces in their made up world. =========== They moved to New York City three weeks later, the shortest time available because Mulder had to give three weeks notice. They moved at night, watching the rain from a late shower slash across the windshield of the truck Scully drove. Mulder did not know the interstate as well as she did and she enjoyed driving in the rain, being just about the only person who did. He sat in the front and watched for anything that could give him a clue as to what would happen on this second phase of the rest of their life. He looked over to Scully, noticing that her face was lined and worried, stretched with the tense times their lives had come to be filled with. The moment when a car looked like it was following them lengthened into years, and the instant when a man seemed to be watching Libby a little too much filled up time like it was decades. And they aged with each one. He reached over and rested his hand on her leg, comforting her if he could. Libby was sleeping on the backseat as she seemed to always do in car trips. He sighed and said, "Scully, I think we need to decide what to do about Libbby." She nodded. "She's to the age where she knows what's going on." she said softly, the rain almost drowning out her voice. "Yes. And we have to be as normal as possible for her ... I don't want her growing up on the run. Always moving. You know what that's like. And I know what it's like having a dysfunctional family ..." "Mulder! We're not dysfunctional." she said stringently. He nodded. "Not to us, but to a lot of people, we really are. I mean, come on, think about it." Her cheeks turned a healthy shade of pink. "I have thought about it." she said softly. "And I think we need to make it normal. We can't have that kind of sensation made about us again. And I don't think it's wise to stay in New York. They've already been here, so who's to say they aren't still around?" He loved the way she could change the subject and think she wasn't at all. She knew exactly what she had said about making things normal would affect him a whole lot and she had blown it off like it was bound to happen. Maybe it was. =========== Their apartment had two bedrooms and a kitchen. That was it. And in each of the bedrooms was only one bed. He looked to her in astonishment; she had taken care of finding them an apartment. She said nothing, only grunted at him to help her unpack and then lamented about losing her wonderful car. They had sold it because they were once again in a city of public transportation. An improvement, Mulder thought. And a smelly thing, Scully thought. Libby went crawling into bed holding her teddy and not even having the energy to ask for a story. Mulder found he was exhausted and wanted very badly to sleep, but he didn't know quite what the one bed meant. He looked like a confused puppy to Scully and she laughed at him and led him to the bedroom. "Look, Mulder. This isn't hard. You sleep on one side and I sleep on the other. As long as you don't hog the covers, we're okay." she said and laughed at his bewildered face. He nodded and said, "Okay, but I'm warning you. When I get cold, I curl up with the nearest warm thing." She seemed thrilled his sexual banter was back and actually smiled at him instead of ignoring him as usual. "Well, maybe we should get you a dog." she shot back and slipped into the bathroom. He shook his head and changed into his boxers and T-shirt, deciding that if he were to get cold, now would be the time, while he still had the excuse to touch her. She came out of the bathroom in a white T-shirt of his that he had wondered where it had gone and blue pajama bottoms. He gave her a leering grin and she merely got in the bed, leaving him standing there, actually getting cold. He got in the bed and she yelped. "Mulder." "My feet are cold, Scully," he said with a trace of his old self in his voice. "No kidding. But my legs are nice and warm and I want them to stay that way." He chuckled and turned so that he could see her. She turned to face him and sighed. "Come on, Scully," he said and she seemed to know exactly what he meant. She smiled softly but shook her head. He nodded and closed his eyes, as if that ended the discussion. But a few seconds later she was sneaking into his arms and burying her nose in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and felt warm immediately. "It's been a long hard trip Mulder," she said by way of an explanation. He shushed her and stroked her hair, feeling just how soft and thick it was. Thicker than Libby's. "I know exactly what it's been, Scully. Sometimes you just want to be home again." She nodded into his chest and he realized she was crying. He held her closer and let his hand trace lazy circles on her back. She missed home. Mulder was her home, and she missed him too. "This can be whatever you want, Scully," he murmured. She felt her tears hitch and she felt she had too much of him already, for him to be giving her this too. "I want to be home," she said, looking up at him with her lower lip trembling and her chin wrinkled just as in the many times she had looked up at him when horrible things had happened. He misinterpretted it and said softly, "Tomorrow I'll get in touch with The Lone Gunmen. I'll get them to send your mother up here somehow." She laughed out of her sorrow and shook her head. "I appreciate that Mulder, but no. I am home. Now." He glanced down at her and nodded slowly. "Sometimes I just need to go home, Mulder," she said, in the same sad voice she had when she'd told him outside Luther Boggs's cell that her father was upsetting her. The same sadness, the same ache, the same innocence. And again, his heart broke. He held her and let her be at home. =========== The Emilys Chapter 8 =========== "Scully. I got the password." he said softly right into her ear, keeping his voice away from anyone that might be around. She nodded and stood still before the computer, her eyes watching for anything that would signal they'd been caught. "Okay, it's loading ..." he murmured, his fingers pausing their race across the keyboard for the system to load. He had decided to stop sitting around, waiting for another one of theirs to show up dying. He was going to find his little girl first. The records came up and he searched for the names Emily Simms, Elizabeth Shuley, Erin Applegate, and Erica Davis, realizing only then that all of theirs had an "E" beginning their name. The system came up with forty-two matches and he quickly scanned them. Scully watched a man stub out his cigarette and pull open the doors of the Kinko's they were in, his face dark and his eyes rimmed with red. She carefully shifted her gaze from him and watched him through the windows, keeping her body and Mulder's blocked by the large column they were behind. She couldn't see how the Consortium had possibly found them, but people with cigarettes made her nervous and she had to be sure. The computer made noises at them and Mulder swore under his breath. He jumped up and pulled her away, yanking her to the door with quick movements that he hid with an easy expression. She followed and did not ask until they were out on the sidewalk in the drizzling rain again. "What had happened?" "I got to a master list I think and it detected me. I saw the name of the project at the top, with the names of the girls underneath, and some were in blue and some were in red. I, uh, I looked first at the ones in blue. I think those are the ones already gone, Scully. Emily ... Erica ... they were highlighted in blue." She bit down on her lip, determined not to think about the ones they'd lost already. "How many were blue, Mulder?" He sighed. "Most." She stopped and leaned against a grimy, rain-soaked building, her eyes shutting for a moment. "Most?" He nodded even though she could not see the action and took her arm. "But, Scully, there were still some red." "Out of what? How many of ours, ours, are dead?" "Scully. I have to tell you this." She stopped and looked at him, her eyes narrowing as if she could not handle anymore bad news. "Tell me what?" she said, her voice cold and flat. "There weren't only girls on that list." =========== "Mommy, will you color with me?" Libby said, her voice wavering because she couldn't understand the tenseness her family had plunged into. "Maybe later, Libby," she said and walked away, back to their bedroom. Libby didn't like this anymore. She used to have her Mommy and Daddy all to herself and they would play with her and read to her and give her a bath and they were fun. But now all they did was call places and look at the computer all day and talk in quiet tones about things she thought she should know. She followed her mother to the bedroom and watched her lean against the dresser and dial a number into her cell phone as Daddy tapped on the monitor screen to get her attention about something. Libby stood beside her father and tried to ask him to color, but he was so engrossed in his computer that he did not see her and she had to crawl into his lap to make his eyes focus on her. "Daddy," she said. Mulder stopped and looked at her with alarm. "Libby. Go play baby." "I want to play with you." He shook his head and frowned. "I need you to play quietly by yourself for awhile baby." "But I want to be with you." Mulder's shoulders sagged and he glanced to Scully, but she was talking quietly on the phone in her deadly voice that meant she was bullying her way past security. "Oh ... Libby, I --" "I promise to be very quiet Daddy. I won't say anything." He nodded and set her in his lap and typed on the keyboard around her head. "All right, Libby. But no questions, okay?" She simply nodded and watched the letters appear on the screen and then it change into other things until she was so lost she got bored. "Daddy?" "Libby, shh." he said, distracted by the fascinating information online. Libby was quiet again and then she began studying her father's face, her eyes tracing his cheek and jaw and then her fingers started touching him too. He glanced at her with clouded eyes then went back to his search while she continued to let her baby fingers glide over his recently shaved chin and his big nose. She touched his lips and giggled when he kissed her fingers. Then she looked at her mother and then to the computer and was very bored. "Daddy?" she whispered, looking at the computer, suddenly interested. "Libby, you really must be quiet." She nodded but she knew what the words on the screen were and she couldn't help but be excited. "Daddy." He was too caught up to even hear her and she reached out a finger to touch the screen, jumping back when it sparked at her with static electricity. "Libby don't touch the screen." "Okay, Daddy." Silence for a few moments from her. "Daddy I can read that on the screen." Silence from her father. "It says my name, Daddy." Mulder looked at her in shock and then went back to the site he had just left, searching for her name. "No, it doesn't sweetie." "Yes is does, see?" She reached up and pointed to a long number with an "E" on the end. "No, baby, that's just got an "E" like the first letter of your name. It's good you recognized it though, Libby. That's my smart little girl." "No, Daddy," she said, getting frustrated. "Mommy had to put that when we went to the doctor's. Mommy told me it was like my name for the doctors." Mulder paused again and stared at the computer and the name before him, if it was a name. It was simply a code for a drug this drug commpany was trying to endorse. He clicked on it anyway. "Daddy, do you believe me?" she said softly. Mulder looked down at her and hugged her tightly to his chest. "Yes, baby, I believe you." She buried herself into his arms and threaded her fingers through his hands. "Thank you, Daddy." The site loaded and Mulder jerked in his chair as it appeared frame by frame. He shot his hand out and yanked hard on Scully's shirt, pulling her almost off-balance, but towards him and he caught her before she could fall. "Scully ..." he said and tilted her chin to the screen. Names, adresses, phone numbers and descriptions. Holy ... "How?" she breathed. Mulder laughed and hugged Libby closer to him. "Our smart little girl found it all by herself." Scully looked at Libby's grinning face and kissed her forehead. "Good job, baby. Good job." She stood over them with one hand on Mulder's shoulder and watched as the names scrolled down. Mulder printed it and then tried to get further into the system but it blocked him. He wondered how they could have gotten this list. Maybe the link had been wrong. Scully studied it and frowned. "I don't think this is an updated list, Mulder. Emily is still in here and her health is listed here as good. That's not --" "Yeah. I saw that. But we can search for obituaries on these others and find out that way." "What if they don't have any obituaries?" "Well, we'll call and just ask." She glanced at him. "You're right. There are three little boys on this list." He nodded softly. "Yeah." Libby nuzzled further into him, as if able to sense her father's heart hardening to the idea. "Mulder ..." "We'll figure this out, Scully. I don't understand why they're doing this, but we'll figure it out." She nodded and bent down to retrieve Libby. The little girl went with her and stayed in her arms as they drew closer to her own bedroom. "I love you Mommy." Libby said, her fingers twining through her mother's brown red hair, dyed so that she would not be so easily recognized. It still looked beautiful though. "I love you too, Libby." she said and tucked her into bed. "You did a very good job today sweetheart. Thank you." Libby smiled and released her mother to snuggle down into the bed. "Good-night, baby. Sleep tight." She clicked off the light and moved to her bedside. "Want to say prayers?" "Can I say them to myself?" "Sure." "Okay." She fell silent and Scully could hear her mumbling under her breath about her sisters and brothers. Then she reached out for a bedtime kiss and Scully left. =========== The sheet of paper shaking in her hands, Scully examined the list and felt her heart drop as she read through the names. "Mulder..." He nodded and sat down on the bed next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "I know. Erin and Libby aren't on the list. I don't know what that means. I don't see what they have in common against the others." Scully's eyes noticed the names of the three boys. William Geller Wesley Roarke Wyatt Chase She shuddered thinking about all of that. It seemed almost taunting, naming their children ... when her father was William and Mulder's middle name was William. She looked to him and felt her body sink back against him even though she had made a solemn promise to herself that their closeness would not go beyond being held in bed at night. His lips touched her forehead and she unconsciously raised her face to him. He brushed her mouth and gently took her chin in his hand, letting a strange sense of peace descend on them. She let him kiss her and she did not find it wrong. It was simply home. =========== The Emilys Chapter 9 =========== "Baby, come on. Don't lag behind us." Scully turned at the sound of Mulder's voice and saw Libby dwadling down the sidewalk, her face long and sad looking, almost as if she had figured out that her favorite teddy bear really wasn't real. Scully paused until Libby caught up and took her hand, urging her forward. Mulder stopped at the subway station stairs and waited for them, then started down as they drew even with him. In the subway station, Mulder leaned down and picked Libby up to keep her from getting separated from them. Scully took hold of his jacket and trusted him to lead her in the right direction. Being small and in the subway station on a crowded Tuesday afternoon was not the best of conditions; Scully always managed to get stepped on or tripped over or shoved out of the way. It wasn't that people were purposefully rude; they just wanted to get home, and anyone in their way ought to go at the same pace as them. New York City was dangerous in rush hour in the subway. More pick- pockets, thiefs, homeless, and vagabonds were out then. But it was also the fastest way to get places and Scully actually enjoyed it. It was soothing sometimes, knowing that you did not have to drive anywhere, that no wrecks would happen, and that you could simply sit back and relax, or at least stand waiting for a seat. You got shoved, sure, you got annoyed at people's stupidity, sure, but she still enjoyed it. Mulder led her forward, creating a mini Red Sea for them until he was at the platform and the train was coming in with a rush of hot and cold air and the scurrying of rats as they got out of the way. They stepped forward, Mulder making a protective shield that she was both annoyed at and grateful for, and managed to get seats in the car. Libby silently studied the signs above the orange seats with curiousity and sat without wiggling in her father's lap. Mulder clasped her lightly, his arms slung around her waist and his eyes watching the other passengers get on. Scully stayed stiffly in her seat, not because it was uncomfortable, but because she had seen someone looking their way. Someone she thought she had seen before. In New York, you never saw the same people twice just by being out on the street with them. She watched the man with fear, hating that she was afraid, yet unable to feel anything else. She turned once to Mulder and caught his eyes, nodding her head to where the man was standing, one arm raised to hold on to the pole beside him. Mulder nodded to show he knew and watched the man too, with occassional glances around that hid his deep probing of the man's appearance. When their stop was called, which of course they couldn't hear anyway and just happened to know, they rose and filed off, the people remaining behind grateful for the two seats they left vacant. The man did not follow them and Mudler was relieved, but he knew how the game worked. They walked around Ninety-Sixth street, heading into the Bagel Shoppe at one point and then into a dry cleaners, looking out for anybody else that could be following them. Libby began lagging further and further behind until Mulder would have to pick her up and carry her for awhile, then have to set her back down when his arms got tired. It became a sort of cycle, until Mulder was sick of carrying her around, juggling her with the bag he held in his hands and wouldn't let Scully carry. He set her down at one point, kneeling over to the side of the sidewalk to avoid getting in someone's way, and looked right in her eyes. "Baby are you tired?" he said, knowing that a four-year old was perfectly capable of walking, well, an almost-four-year old. She shook her head and squirmed under his gaze. "What's wrong then?" She bit her lip. She knew that Mommy and Daddy didn't have much money for extra things because Mommy was the only one working and didn't get much money, and Daddy stayed at home with her searching for things on his computer. So she didn't want to say what was bothering her. Scully leaned down and took her chin in her hand, stroking it with a finger. "You can tell us, sweetheart. It's okay. We won't get mad." Libby nodded and looked down at her feet. "My shoes are too tight." Scully felt her heart kind of drop right there to the sidewalk and flounder like a dead fish. "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry. We didn't know your feet hurt. And we made you walk all this way." Scully took her in her arms and sighed softly. "We'll go and get you some new sneakers right now. Okay?" "Do you have enough money, Mommy?" Scully laughed. "Sure, sweetheart. Come on, I'll carry you." Mulder spied the nearest shoe store and they entered, he somewhat relieved because they now had an excuse for their excursion should anything happen. This was a good cover. While Libby looked around at all the new shoes, Mulder leaned over to Scully and said, "I'll slip out while you do this, okay? Meet you back at the Ninety-Sixth street subway." Scully nodded and Mulder walked out calmly, his eyes ahead and scanning for people. No one looked familiar. He went on. =========== The Emilys Chapter 10 =========== As Mulder set up the laptop, he felt guilty. Here he was in a brand new apartment, using up their precious money on the huge online phone bill and rent, while his little girl walked quietly in pinching shoes. What kind of a man was he? But he had to do this, he had to find out what had happened to the others on the list. He spent about six hours at night doing this, coming to the apartment they'd bought and scouring the internet with the equipment the Lone Gunmen had managed to procure for him. This way he could get online and go places without worrying about being traced -- it was Langly's personal invention and worked better than anything the government might have to trace him. He was relieved he didn't have to hop from Kinko's to Kinko's anymore. He booted up the system, kicking everything on with a click and waited for it to load. He had been coming to the apartment every night for the past three weeks, trying to find information on the others. Scully would come home as soon as she could and watch Libby while he went to the apartment. Around three in the morning Mulder would get back, another name crossed off his list, or another dead end followed to the brick wall it came to. One night he had come home, sneaked into Libby's bedroom and kissed her good-night, then gone out to the kitchen where his pajamas were hung, allowing him to undress without disturbing Scully. In the light of the street coming in through the small window, he had quietly pulled on his clothes, throwing his grimy jeans and mud- splattered shirt into the clothes hamper. He had turned and found Scully watching him with clouded eyes. Every time he came home with a marked off name, she died inside. She was looking for hope in his eyes, but did not find it. He had opened his arms and pulled her to him, holding her in the dim and washed-out light, feeling for the first time that there was something to it all, to the life he now lived with her. It was his family and he was just beginning to realize the full responsibility of it. He had moved away then, hurting her with his distance but needing to breathe freer air. He hadn't gone to bed that night, instead he had sat on the cold linoleum praying that he wouldn't screw everything up, praying that this was more than just an arrangment. He had gone to bed later as she had left for work, admonishing him not to let Libby eat chocolate cake again for breakfast, an ache of concern on her face. But they had not spoken of it. Now the computer light glimmered across his face and made him look sickly to match the revulsion welling within him. He had a bad feeling that everyone on the list was already gone. He knew that when the heading asked for health and got good, then it meant dead. Which would be good for the Consortium, of course. And excellent, he had discovered, meant the child was killed so effectively that the death was not even questioned, and hardly even reported except by the obituaries. Mulder found his job a very depressing one. He was miserable during the day, thinking on what he had discovered the night before and running on little sleep while dealing with a very curious and sensitive child. Libby probably cried every day, either because she had been getting into something and gotten hurt, or because he had yelled at her for getting into something. He knew he probably wasn't being too fair to her, but he couldn't get focused during the day until he saw the computer screen mocking him. He missed Scully too. She came home and he left for the apartment. He got home and fell alseep as she inevitably curled around his warmth, then she left in the morning. It just wasn't working anymore. As the list grew fainter with the waxing light from the screen, Mulder realized that things needed to change. Here he thought he could give up the X-Files, the search, and all he had done was find another one. So maybe he never found another one of theirs, what did it matter? Maybe it hurt for awhile that he could not save them, just as he could not save Sam, but then again, what kind of life was it for Libby? Things would have to change. =========== The Emilys Chapter 11 =========== "I want these, Momma." Scully felt the toes again and made her stand up again and walk down the aisle to be sure. "I want these." she said again, her mouth jutting out into a pout. Scully laughed and tickled her stomach. "Okay. Okay, sweetheart. You're going to get them, all right?" "All right! Can I wear them out?" Scully nodded and then motioned to the salesclerk that they were ready. The shoes rang up at about forty dollars and Scully paid in cash, avoiding checks and credit cards as much as possible. She couldn't think too far into the future, especailly since money was so tight and they had no idea how to save for things like schools or emergencies. She pulled Libby away from the mirrors where she had been admiring her new shoes, and out into the street. She wondered if she should go to the subway immediately, or hang around and window shop for awhile. She wasn't sure how long Mulder would be, and he had only insisted on going out to the apartment because he had one quick thing to check he'd said. She saw the signs in him though and wouldn't be too surprised if he forgot them entirely. She considered going home. Libby skipped along next to her, splashing in all the dwindling puddles along the way, hanging onto her mother's hand so that Scully was dragged down each time she went limp to jump. Scully didn't have the heart to tell her not to splash and soon found she was doing the same, needing the childish release of energy into something that wasn't harmful. She splashed and played, letting Libby splash right along with her, their pant legs getting drenched and their faces smiling. Scully loved the grin of complete childlike thrill lighting Libby's face and realized with a degree of sadness that Libby hadn't smiled so joyfully since Mulder had presented her with the moving teddy bear. =========== Mulder saw his girls from a distance, running through the light drizzle and splashing in every puddle along the way, even going back if they missed one. Scully had Libby's hand laced through hers and they were like sisters almost, both with delighted and sneaky grins of thrill on their face, as if they were getting away with some secret sin. He had always thought Libby a very serious child and he supposed it came a lot from both her parents, but he'd never seen her have so much fun. Scully either. He smiled as they ran, yelling and laughing and annoying the people around them who were trying to hurry. Others simply smiled and watched their unbridled joy, feeling as if that child joy had been imparted upon them for simply watching. Mulder caught her eye as they got closer and laughed at her silly shamed look that suddenly appeared. He could feel the eyes of the people around watching to see what he would do. He scooped up Libby and tickled her tummy with a tickle kiss and grabbed Scully's hand. "Having fun, baby?" "Yup." she said, squirming around in his arms so she could look at her shoes. "I got my new shoes, Daddy. Do you like them?" The white, now wet and muddy, shoes peered out from beneath her and she wiggled her foot around. Blue racing stripes went down the sides and a blue logo declared them to be Nike. "Very nice, baby. Very nice." "They make my feet faster. I bet I could even jump higher in them, too." "I'm sure you could, too." "Are we going home, Daddy?" "Nope." Her face fell and she looked over at her mother as if for a second opinion. She seemed just as surprised and depressed at the comment. "Where are we going Mulder?" she said, thinking that she should have known he'd pull something like this. "We're going to McDonalds for dinner." Libby's mouth dropped open and she gave her father a tight squeeze of pure energy. "Thank you, thank you, Daddy!" she said and bounced in his arms with excitement. Scully rose her eyebrow and followed him down the subway, taking hold of his coat again and wondering what exactly had gotten in him. Once in the train car, Scully turned to Mulder and leaned in close to whisper in his ear. "Mulder, did you finish whatever you needed to do?" Mulder turned to see her eyes and shook his head slowly. "I think I'm not going to anymore." He waited for an explosion from her, a ranting and raving about needing to know where their children were, anger because he was thinking about himself again. That was her first thought. Her second she thought herself selfish for. She wanted it like it was at the beginning. When they'd only been settling in to the routine, they'd been much easier with each other, and Libby had been much more happier. They'd been a family instead of an arrangement. She wanted that kind of love again, because it *had* been love. Love pure and unstained by shadows or searches or sorrows. She needed that. Mulder watched her face relax into softness and he touched her cheek to make her look at him. "Are you okay with that?" She nodded and said quietly, "I need to talk to you later." He nodded and figured he was in for it. =========== She had put Libby to bed with Mulder that night and they were a family again, it seemed. Libby had asked for him to sing again, and Mulder had winked at her and begun singing 'Joy to the World' with a smug grin on his face. So she had joined in and made faces at him. She sat across from him on their bed now, hating that they had to talk on the bed because it wasn't a very comfortable talking place. At least not for this. He shifted to see out the window and watched the moon for a few seconds, deciding that he should talk to her first. "Scully ... I need to tell you the reasons before you --" "Mulder, I'm not --" "No, just wait. Please." His eyebrows rose and she silenced. "I can't pretend that this is nothing anymore, because, no matter what I feel, this is a family. And it was never enforced upon me in any way. I need to stop acting like it was. I sat at the computer and all I could see was Libby telling me that her shoes hurt her. Scully, that killed ..." "I know," she whispered. "I thought I was so good, playing father, then looking for the others as if it was my duty or something. But really, I had just found something else to keep me preoccupied. Another obssession for my warped little mind. It seems I have to turn everything good into something sinister." "Mulder, you --" "Wait. I ... I have something else I need to say." She stopped opening her mouth to protest and sat very still, feeling something important was about to break. "I told you that this could be whatever you wanted ... Scully, I meant that." She cast her eyes away from him, hating that it was awkward between them even now and they *shared a bed.* "I want us to be real." She looked at him, looked at the fresh warmth in his eyes, the reviving emotions that had been effectively killed as a child. "I do too, Mulder. I want this to be real. It ... it is." He sighed and let out the breath he had been holding. "Scully, I need you and I need Libby. And I don't think it's right to throw away this chance we have because we think we might be able to find others. I want to be here for Libby. She is my biological daughter, but she's also the daughter of my heart. I want to raise her with all the love I can give and more. I want her to be normal and healthy and happy, and far from the shadows my own family is so steeped in." Scully nodded silently and then cleared the tears from her throat. "We're going to be okay, Mulder. If we find them, then we find them. If we don't, we have Libby. We have each other." He nodded hesitantly, amazed that she had been so willing to go along. "I had been thinking, in the shoe store, about all of this. About the fear and the watching behind my back every second and I don't want that. This is my chance, our chance, Mulder, and I'm not throwing it out. I'm not." He smiled softly and leaned forward, his lips and hands aching to touch her finally, after so long of hating himself for wanting. She touched his shoulder first, then his lips and it was good. Her touch was silken, her laugh as he surprised her was sweet cherries and her hair against his fingers was a butterfly's touch. He laid her down on their bed, the fabric of the sheets cool and welcoming. He made her his wife. They were a family. ==========END==========