**DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE OR OFFENDED BY SEXUAL CONTENT**

***DISCLAIMER***: All "X-Files" elements and references
in this story belong to Fox Broadcasting, Chris Carter,
and 1013 Productions, and we am making no money from it.

ARCHIVING: Link only, please!

==========

A Story
by shannono
shannono@iname.com

Distribution: No one would want it. But if by chance you do,
ask first, so I can send the men in the white coats after you.

Classification: Badfic. Do you really need to know anything
else?

Rating: Strong R for monkey business.

Summary: Ambress wanted a story. Note that she did not specify
a *good* story. Call it a five-minute improv and get on with
your life.

=====

Once upon a time there were two FBI agents. Well, there were
many more than two, but this is only about two of them. Well,
three, but the other guy's only incidental to the (barely-there)
plot.

Anyway, the two FBI agents were in a car on a very hot day, and
the air conditioner wouldn't work, because they got the car from
a crappy rental agency.

The female FBI agent, of course, blamed the male FBI agent for
that, but he secretly thought it was because she was PMSing.
Not that he would dare say that to HER. He did stupid things
sometimes, but he wasn't THAT stupid.

So they were sitting in this car on the side of the road,
because when the air conditioning quit working, so did the car.

Luckily, their cell phones DID work, but they were so far out in
the middle of nowhere that it would be two hours before a repair
truck could get there.

It got hotter.

And hotter.

And sweaty.

And sweatier.

The agents took off their jackets, and the male one took off
his tie. He also unbuttoned his shirt cuffs and rolled up his
sleeves, and opened the first three buttons on his shirt.

The female agent took off her pantyhose in an amazing display
of dexterity.

Sweat glistened on his face, his chest, his muscular forearms;
her face, her neck, along her collarbone; and probably other
places under their clothes that they couldn't see, no matter
how hard they looked.

They tried to ignore each other.

It didn't work

The male agent, frustrated, finally took his shirt off
completely. Belt, socks, and shoes, too. (The female agent
had taken her shoes off before the pantyhose, by the way.)

The female agent took one look at the male agent's bare,
sweaty chest and said, "Keep going, FBI man."

The next thing they knew, they were both hot, sweaty, and
also naked.

Suddenly they were both thankful for the crappy rental agency,
since the only car it could provide was an old land yacht
with a huge front seat and a tilt steering wheel. So they
didn't even have to move into the back seat or anything.

It wasn't perfect. He slammed his elbow into the dashboard
twice, and her hair got caught in the window crank handle.
But they got it free and it didn't hurt much.

Before they knew it, he was buried inside her and they were
thrusting and bucking against each other. The leather seat got
pretty sticky and pulled on their skin as they moved and made
squeaky leather noises, but they didn't really notice that much.

She didn't scream when she came, but she did moan out his name.
His last name, of course.

He tried to say her name when he came, but all he managed was
"Schu --" and a loud groan.

Afterward, it took them a long time to catch their breaths and
gather up their strength enough to move. Sex was almost as
draining as heat. So to speak.

Being a resourceful FBI agent, the female agent had not only
a hand towel but also a pack of Wet Ones in her suitcase. So
they managed to get themselves cleaned up and back into their
clothes with ten minutes to spare before the repair truck got
there.

They weren't so lucky cleaning up the wet spot on the front
seat. It stained. They were worried that their boss (the third
FBI agent this is about but not really about) would find out.

But the rental agency didn't charge them because of the whole
air conditioning and breakdown thing. The two FBI agents were
relieved that the third FBI wouldn't find out. At least not yet.

When they finally got back home, the two FBI agents sat down
and had a long (for them) talk, decided they really were in
love, and then had sex again.

On the bed this time.

Still sweaty, but not so hot.

====THE END====

I hold myself completely responsible. But Ambress asked, and
Robbie said it was okay ...

Hurt me, baby: shannono@iname.com