**DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE OR OFFENDED BY SEXUAL CONTENT**

***DISCLAIMER***: All "X-Files" elements and references
in this story belong to Fox Broadcasting, Chris Carter,
and 1013 Productions, and we am making no money from it.

ARCHIVING: Link only, please!

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Sky Blue
by shannono
shannono@iname.com


Vignette, Angst, Mulder first person, Mulder/Scully

Rated R

No spoilers

Summary: The walls come down, but at the worst possible time.

Content warning: Sexual situations and lots o' angst

Thanks: To Kris and Stacey for beta reading.

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Sky Blue
by shannono

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The mind convinced the soul, the body played no part
Attraction was coincidence, and reason from the heart
And I fall into your eyes
They're so blue but just as empty as the sky

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I always knew this day would come.

I just never expected it to be like this.

I wanted it.

But I never wanted it to be like this.

We are moving together on a too-hard motel bed, wrapped
around each other in a cruel parody of love.

But it is not love that brings us here.

It is fear.

It is sorrow.

It is hate.

Yes, we love.

But this is not love.

This is why I have never made the move I have so long
wanted to make. Why I've never asked to come into her bed,
or invited her into mine.

Because every chance, every time we've been this close, has
been tainted by the death and darkness which we are even now
fighting to escape.

This is not what I wanted. This is not what she wanted. But
we are overruled by our unconscious selves, and our longing
boils over, melting through our resolve.

And when I lift my head from her body long enough to look
into her eyes, I see she knows. She knows what we are doing,
and why, and she know it is wrong.

But she can do nothing.

And I can do nothing.

We are lost to ourselves.

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Young and inexperienced, I easily forgot
Beauty's vibrance always dims when innocences rot
And I fall into your eyes
Oh, they're so blue but just as empty as the skies

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I wanted her the first time I saw her, and that's all it was,
then. Pure, blind lust, a magnetic pull I'm sure she felt as
well.

But she is no longer the woman who walked into that office,
and I am no longer the man I was then.

She is leaner, and harder, inside and out. Her beauty has not
dulled in my eyes; instead, it grows each time I look at her.

But her innocence is lost forever, and her youth is gone,
victims of the path we've taken.

The road we've been forced to walk.

She has restored my faith along the way, but in doing so she
has given up a large portion of her own.

I want nothing more than to give it back to her, but I don't
even know how to start.

So I give her what I can. Anything I can, whenever I can.

Tonight, she needs my body.

And willingly I give.

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Conviction serves lies as much as truth
Like you sometimes I hide inside my pain proof booth
And I fall into your eyes
They're so blue but just as empty as the skies
Oh, they're so blue but just as empty as the skies

==========

She lived by my beliefs for so long that her own were
neglected. And when mine failed her, she had had nothing to
fall back on.

So she pulled back, hiding away from the world.

Hiding from herself even as she hid from me.

She knew, as much as she tried to deny it, what opening up to
me would mean. We say we do what we do in an effort to
protect each other, but it's not the truth.

We're protecting ourselves.

We have been trying to avoid what we are going through now,
turning away from each other rather than risking this.

But we have lost.

Even now, as I kiss her salty-sweet skin, and feel her sharp
fingernails scrape along my back, as I smell her arousal,
and hear her cries rise in harmony with mine, I vow to make
this up to us both. To give us something good and clean and
beautiful to counteract the memory of this.

Our walls have shattered, but only the poison has been
released tonight.

The beauty must come later.

And then, when we make it right, I will see not the blank
blue I see in her eyes tonight, but instead the glow of love,
and the happiness she deserves.

We deserve.

And I will fall into her, and revel in her, until the picture
of this night has faded from our minds.

Forever.

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