***DISCLAIMER***: All "X-Files" elements and references in this story belong to Fox Broadcasting, Chris Carter, and 1013 Productions, and I am making no money from it. ARCHIVING: Link only, please! ========== Introit in E By Brandon D. Ray & shannono publius@avalon.net, shannono@iname.com Vignette, Mulder/Scully UST, Angst, Humor (a bit), Post-ep Rated PG Spoiler for "Alpha" Summary: Post-ep for "Alpha." Mulder, Scully, and the Information Superhighway. Authors' notes: Mantra of the week -- "Never let the idiots get you down." ========== Introit in E by Brandon D. Ray & shannono From: mfluder@avalon.net To: dkscully@mindspring.com Subj: Where did you go? Hey, Scully...where did you disappear to so fast? I know I wasn't very good company this afternoon, but I'd been kind of hoping we could go out for pizza or something, maybe rent a movie. You know, the whole "normal life" thing. But I guess you must have had plans, huh? :( btw, you'll never guess what was in that mailing cylinder: A new "I Want to Believe" poster! No kidding -- I think it's the one that was in Karen's office. Isn't that just great??? The office feels more like home every day. Anyway, guess I'll see you tomorrow at work. Later. ========== From: dkscully@mindspring.com To: mfluder@avalon.net Subj: Re: Where did you go? Mulder, if you want to buy me pizza, you might try asking while I'm still there ... I never turn down free pizza. No, no plans, other than rest; I never seem to get used to those cross-country flights. I suspected that might be what was in the package. I saw the poster in Karen's office. I'm glad you have a replacement now. I'm sorry about Karen, Mulder. See you tomorrow. ========== From: mfluder@avalon.net To: dkscully@mindspring.com Subj: Angst Yeah, I still feel pretty bad about Karen, but I'm trying to work through it. I guess what hurts the most is that I thought I could trust her and turned out to be wrong. Pretty selfish, huh? I mean, all that mistake cost *me* was a little extra paperwork and a couple of nights' sleep -- and *that* is certainly nothing new! Scully, I'm afraid I'm developing a pattern -- I don't seem to be very good at knowing who I can and can't trust. And a lot of the time you wind up getting caught in the middle, and I hate that. :( I'm rambling; sorry. It's the damned Internet.... About the poster -- you know, if it makes you uncomfortable we don't have to have it up. I'd gotten kind of fond of it, but this is really your space, too. And you sounded kind of ... reserved? ... about it just now. I suppose you've had dinner by now, but it's not really that late. I could still pick up a movie and some chips. Whaddaya say? (I did try to call -- I know how much you hate email -- but your cell phone must be turned off, and your home number is busy, so I assume you're still using your modem.) So how about it? Blockbuster is having a special this week on Dino De Laurentis films -- we could watch Flash Gordon! ;) ========== From: dkscully@mindspring.com To: mfluder@avalon.net Subj: Re: Angst I don't think it was a question of trust with Karen, Mulder -- or, at least, not in the usual sense. I think it's just a good example of how you can't really be sure about someone you meet online. You said it yourself -- sometimes it's easier to talk on the internet than it is in person, but at the same time it's harder to know if what you're told is the whole truth. You don't have the same kind of connection you do when you talk to someone face-to-face. Why would the poster make me uncomfortable, Mulder? I'm used to it. The office didn't seem right without it. It was just ... an office. And as much time as you spend there, you should make it as comfortable as you can. I don't hate e-mail, Mulder; where did you get that idea? I do quite a bit of correspondence that way. It's about the only way to stay in touch with Bill and Charlie when they're out on ships, and it saves a lot on phone calls. I'm a little too tired tonight for a movie, Mulder. I'm afraid I wouldn't be good company at all. Maybe tomorrow. ========== From: mfluder@avalon.net To: dkscully@mindspring.com Subj: About the poster...and other things I dunno...you seemed a little brusque when you said you were glad *I* have a replacement. *shrug* I like to think that *we* have a replacement. What's mine is yours, and all that.... About Karen...and trust.... I guess when I say it was about trust I'm looking at the bigger picture...all the things that have happened in the last few months. Everything that's happened between us. Most of it my fault, I might add. Hell, Scully, it's about Diana. Agent Fowley, that is, because I don't really feel connected to her on a personal level anymore. We -- you and I -- haven't talked about that situation since that night, and maybe we should. Scully, I think that may well have been the worst night of my life -- and as you know, I've had some pretty bad nights. I mean, I stood there in the Gunmen's office babbling this stuff at you, and it was like someone else was talking -- as if I were possessed or something. I still can't believe the things I said to you. Because it *was* personal, Scully, and you were right to call me on it. It was very personal, and I was just too blind to see it -- or, to be more accurate, I was too stubborn to admit it. I'm sorry; I was wrong. To bring this back to Karen...that's where I see the parallels. Once again, I had a choice between trusting you and accepting your guidance, or putting my faith in someone I really didn't know. Because to be honest, I really don't know Agent Fowley (so there!) anymore -- not even as well as I knew Karen. And not nearly as well as I know *you*. God. I've been sitting here for five minutes trying to get up the courage to press "send". I've tried to do it three times now, and I keep losing my nerve. Why is this so hard? This should be easy. If I can't talk to you, who can I talk to? But maybe I've lost that privilege. :( Here goes.... ========== From: dkscully@mindspring.com To: mfluder@avalon.net Subj: Re: ... other things I'm sorry, Mulder, I didn't mean to sound (look?) brusque. As I said, I'm a little tired from the flight. But I didn't really think ... well, I didn't think you considered the office "ours." I didn't really expect you to, after so many years. It's too small for two desks, anyway. Even Agent Spender and Agent Fowley used just the one. And they didn't even have your "nest" to deal with. :) I guess you can tell I've been answering the more mundane things to put off responding to the meat of your last message. I can understand why you had a hard time sending it; I'm having just as much trouble answering it. Look, I'm just going to be honest here. Forgive me if I ramble. You did upset me, Mulder. It hurt, really hurt, to think you were taking Agent Fowley's word over mine. And it *was* personal. There's no use in pretending that anything between us doesn't have something personal behind it. We should be able to face that by now. Whew. Honesty's hard. But I guess you know that. You're right, Mulder. We need to talk about it. I know it's not what we do best, but I'm afraid it's going to grow and fester until it blows up in our faces. Maybe this e-mail thing isn't a bad idea. It does make it easier to talk about the difficult things when you're not face-to-face. And I see what you mean about Karen and Agent Fowley, too. But Mulder ... and this is going to be hard for me to say, and probably harder for you to hear ... you do have a tendency to trust people too readily. I know you *say* you trust no one, but you don't always practice what you preach. I don't know how to close this message, but I don't really know what else to say right now. There's a pint of Phish Food in my freezer, calling my name; maybe that'll help ... ========== From: mfluder@avalon.net To: dkscully@mindspring.com Subj: It's personal???? Of course it's our office, Scully. God, after all this time, after all we've been through, I'm ashamed that you could think otherwise. I'd ask you how you could possibly think otherwise, but I guess I already know the answer to that one. :( Please let it be our office....that's all I ever want it to be. I don't even know how to begin to tackle the rest of this. Everything that you said about me and trusting people too easily and how I hurt you because of that....all of it was totally on target. I'd like to be able to promise you that it won't ever happen again, but all I can really promise to do is try. Now the *hard* part.... Scully? You said, "There's no use in pretending that anything between us doesn't have something personal behind it." What exactly does that mean? I'd assumed that in the Gunmen's office when you said it was personal you were talking about what happened to Melissa and to you and the rest of your family. That's what *I* thought we were talking about. Is there something else? Is.... Oh shit. I can't do this. I have to see your face. The Internet isn't *always* the best way to deal with this sort of thing. Scully, time for a confession: For the past 45 minutes I've been sitting down here in my car around the corner from your apartment, with my laptop plugged in to my cell phone. Can I come up and talk to you? I've got a feeling this would go better if we were face-to- face. I'm not trying to hide behind chips or movies, Scully; I'm being honest here: I want to see you. Tonight. Before I lose my nerve. :p ========== From: dkscully@mindspring.com To: mfluder@avalon.net Subj: Oh boy..... Come on up ... ==========END (for now ...)==========