Disclaimer: Nope, these characters aren't mine. 

Category: VRA
Classification: MSR
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Timeline for this piece is late fifth to early sixth season
Archive: Gossamer. Spookys. Others ask me.
Feedback: Knock yourself out.
Summary: Mulder learns reality is better than fantasy.   
Thanks to: Sara Lynn and Shannon for the beta and encouragement.  

Author's Note: This is a series of vignettes that should be read 
in a certain order. The stories in the Intimate Deception universe
include, in order: Fantasy, Betrayal, Disclosure and Reality. 


"Intimate Deception: Reality"
by Lisa  
(haven599@msn.com)


    I had no idea where to begin.  I'd thought about what to say
to Scully all day.  But how am I supposed to explain to the woman 
I love that I hired an escort to become her for my own pleasure?

    It was too late now to wonder about that. I was standing outside
her door, preparing myself for another scene like the previous one
at her apartment. 

     At least now we'd be in the same room together.  I would have
preferred it if she'd yelled, screamed, or hit me.  Anything was 
better than her silence.  

    I knocked on the door, and it only took her a few seconds to 
answer it.  She looked like I was the last person she wanted to
see today.  I really couldn't blame her, either.  

    She sat down on a chair.  I planted myself on the couch opposite
her and jumped in with both feet. "I got caught up in a fantasy."
It was the truth.  I might as well admit it.  

    "It was much better than a magazine or video," I went on.  
"It was a real person who would do what I asked.  It was very
much like sexual role playing."  If I was going to tell her the
truth, I damned well better the *whole* truth.   

    I could see this was making her feel very uncomfortable.  She
wouldn't look at me.  Her hands were in her lap, where her attention
was focused.  

    "But there was no sex involved."  She looked up at me.
"It was more of a look, but don't touch kind of game."  

    "You didn't have sex with her?"  Scully asked, surprised.

    "No," I replied. "I felt that would be cheating on you."
 
    She looked like she was going to cry.  I didn't expect that.
But I had to tell her everything. "Kelly . . . she gave me one
blow job," I admitted, the hardest words I could remember saying
ever. "Only once. I wouldn't let her do it again. I didn't want
that." 
 
    I took a deep, steadying breath. "I was scared.  Scared to let
you know how I felt about you. You might have rejected me.  Told
me I wasn't good enough for you. So I took the coward's way out and
found a stand-in who wouldn't."

    She avoided my gaze. "Are you still seeing her?" Her voice was
soft but steady.  

    "No.  I don't want an illusion anymore.  I want the real thing." 
I slid off the couch and slowly knelt on the floor in front of her.  
She didn't shy away from me and I felt hopeful.

    She began speaking again, in that same low, calm voice. "I wish
you would have been honest with me," she said.  "That's what I 
thought our relationship was based on.  Honesty.  You were deceiving
me all this time, Mulder."  Without warning, she bolted out of the
chair and away from me, and I sagged to the floor, discouraged.  

    "I know.  I'm sorry," I said.  "I didn't think you'd ever 
find out."  I shouldn't have said that; it wasn't what I meant.

    She spun around to face me again; her next words harsh. "How
long would it have gone on if I *hadn't* found out?" she demanded. 

    "I don't know.  I really don't," I answered, my gaze fixed on 
the striped upholstery of the armchair. 

    Her voice began to shake. "I want our relationship back, Mulder."
she said. "I miss being with you everyday.  But how can I know you're
not hiding something else from me, Mulder?  I want to be able to 
trust you again." 

    Her eyes were filled with tears. Carefully, I climbed to my
feet and moved toward her. "Scully . . ." I said coming towards
her, gently. "Please don't cry."  Cautiously, I slid my arms 
around her, gathering her close to me.  She wasn't resisting. 
"You can trust me, Scully," I murmured into her hair. 

    She looked up at me. "I want to believe that again."  

    I framed her face with my hands before saying softly: "I love
you, Scully."  I kissed her.  Just once, barely touching her lips.
I wasn't sure how she was going to react.  

    She whispered my name and then leaned in for what I hoped 
would be another kiss.  It was.  Longer.  Slower.  More passionate.

    I didn't want to stop.  I couldn't make myself back away from
her.  I rained kisses over her face and neck.  I thought I heard
her moan my name, but couldn't be sure.  I was focused on undoing
the first couple of buttons on her blouse.  

    Scully's hands were pulling me closer while she took a few 
steps back, and we ended up against the wall.  

    I finished the remaining buttons on her blouse and it hung
completely open.  I should have asked her if it was all right,
if I was allowed to touch her. But the temptation was too strong.
My hands roamed over her breasts, followed by my mouth.  I was on
my knees before her voice registered in my brain.  

    "Mulder, stop," she said.  "Mulder . . ."   

    I got up.  "Sorry, Scully." I seemed to be saying that a lot
lately.  "I shouldn't have let it get that far."  I turned away
as she adjusted her top.  

    "I'll come back to the X-Files," Scully told me.  "I'm . . .
I'm just not ready for anything else yet."   

    "Okay, I understand," I said, relieved and grateful for at
least that concession on her part.  "Thanks for hearing me out." 

****

    The next few weeks did get better.  We eased back into working
together.  Scully smiled a few times.  She even laughed at some of
my jokes.  

    There weren't any other physical displays of intimacy between 
us after that night at her apartment.  I wasn't going to initiate 
anything; the decision was up to her now.  If I tried to push, she
might feel I couldn't be trusted.  Then we'd be right back at the
beginning again.  

    When Scully said she wasn't ready for anything else yet, I 
wondered how long the *yet* would be.  Tomorrow? Next week? Next
year? I'm impatient.  Those few touches weren't enough.  I knew they 
wouldn't be.  I'd never be able to get enough of her.  

    Instead, I kept telling myself, I should have been feeling
lucky she agreed to come back to the X-Files after the stunt I
pulled.  I shouldn't have been fantasizing about her all the time.  

    Like thinking she'd come into my motel room and crawl into bed 
with me or surprise me in the shower one evening when we were in 
some godforsaken small town with nothing to do.  

    It might never happen.  

    Then, one Friday afternoon at work, she asked me if I was going
to be home later on, because she wanted to talk.  I told her yes -
I would have cancelled any plans anyway - and asked if she wanted
to come over for dinner, but Scully was adamant about it just being
to talk.  

    This couldn't be good.  No one says "we need to talk" and means
something good will come from it.  I really didn't know what to think
and just tried to put it out of my mind until she arrived.  

    She got to my place about nine o' clock.  I couldn't tell what
kind of mood she was in.  Scully was hard to read many times. 

    She sat down at the chair to my desk.  I sat on the couch, 
giving her my full attention.  

    "Mulder," she began, "I've had a hard time these past few 
weeks trying to be able to trust you again.  Even though it was
your personal life and not work-related, I feel everything that
you do affects me. We've been working together so long, it's 
hard for me to distance myself at times." 

    Distance? I wondered.  I thought we were trying to become closer. 

    "I thought about you and *her* together," she continued. "A lot.
It troubled me that I had those thoughts.  I finally had to admit
it to myself. I was jealous.  Jealous of the attention you were 
giving her; even though the two of you weren't intimate, you spent
time together, sharing *my* life with a complete stranger." Scully
said to me.

    "Scully, what are you trying to tell me?" 

    "I can't distance myself from you.  It's impossible. When
you told me you were seeing her, I felt the bond we shared  
weakening."  She paused, then admitted, "It scared me.  I don't
want to feel that way ever again."   

    I moved closer to her, taking her hand in mine.  "You won't.
I promise."  

    "I believe you," she said, leaning over to kiss me softly. 

    I didn't know what to do.  Last time I touched her, she 
pulled away.  

    "Mulder, I'm ready," she whispered.  "Ready to be with you." 

    I pulled her up out of the chair and into my arms. We managed
to stumble away from the table and into the middle of the room. 
This time she was wearing a shirt I was able to quickly pull it 
off over her head.  

    I moved behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist, caressing
the soft skin of her abdomen.  My lips traveled along the back of her
neck and shoulders, my voice telling her in soft murmurs how beautiful
she was.  How this was the way it was supposed to be between us.  

    Scully's eyes were closed.  I heard her murmur in agreement
to what I was telling her.  Her hands came over mine, holding them
in place, lacing our fingers together. 

    I undid the fastening on her pants, sliding my hand over the
material of her panties, hearing her breathe my name softly. "Not 
here.  In the bedroom," I whispered into her hair.

    I helped her off with the pants and pantyhose until she was 
wearing only her bra and panties.  In my bedroom.  And it wasn't
a fantasy.  It was real.  Scully.  Here with me.  

    "Mulder," she whispered into my ear.  "I love you, too." 
I barely had time to let that sink in before she was working my
t-shirt off, running her hands over my chest. They felt so warm. 

    Her lips met mine roughly, in a way I never imagined Scully 
would kiss me.  One of her hands was working on getting my jeans
off.  I stepped back from her and pulled them off along with my
boxer shorts.  

    Scully didn't have time to look down as I pulled her against
me, unhooking her bra and sliding my hands over her breasts, the
nipples hardening under my palms.  My mouth followed, moving over
one breast then the other, sucking gently on the nipples.

    I pulled my mouth away from her flushed skin.  "Put your legs
around me," I said, sliding my hands down to cup her ass, lifting
her against me.  Her legs wrapped around my waist, bringing her
face even with mine and we kissed deeply, her hands lacing through 
my hair. 

    Without breaking the kiss, I turned towards the bed and lowered
us onto the mattress, pulling away as we landed.  I swiftly worked 
her panties down and off, then sat back to take in the sight before
me.   

    Her hair was spread out over the sheets, her face flushed 
with arousal.  She looked beautiful.  Better than I had imagined.

    I eased two fingers inside of her.  She was so wet.  It made
it even easier to work my hand against her, pumping my fingers in
and out in a steady rhythm as her soft moans filled the bedroom.  

    I lowered my head between her legs, finding the right spot 
with my tongue.  Scully arched her hips against me, then slid
one leg over my shoulder as I continued to work my mouth against
her, and my fingers inside her, the soft moans turning into 
whimpers.  I didn't think I'd ever hear her make sounds like that,
and much less having me as the cause. 

    I felt her body shake as she sobbed my name.  I eased her leg
off my shoulder, settling on top of her trembling body. 

    "Mulder," she breathed.  "Mulder . . ."

    I think I overwhelmed her.  

    I brushed some hair away from her face, my fingers trailing
over her lips.  Her eyes were closed, her breathing attempting to 
return to normal.  I kissed her softly, my lips lingering on her
face a few moments. 

    "Scully," I whispered. 

    She opened her eyes slowly, winding her arms around my shoulders,
drawing me closer. 

    I gently pushed myself inside her body, wondering how sensitive
she still was from the orgasm. Scully arched up against me, bringing
her legs around me pulling me deep into her warm body.  

    We couldn't be any closer.  This was the closest I could be 
to becoming one with her.  Yet I still wanted more.  

    I began to move inside her, keeping up a steady rhythm in 
and out.  Trying to hold out; make this last for her - wanting
her to come as hard as before.  I needed to hear her call out my
name once again.

    Scully was biting down on her lower lip and I thrust deep 
inside her one last time as she dug her nails into my back, 
crying out.  I followed her, collapsing onto her.  She held me
tightly, stroking my hair.  We stayed joined like that for awhile,
neither having the strength nor the energy to move.  

    I smiled down at her.  She smiled back, looking satisfied and
sleepy.  I gathered her next to me, following her into sleep. 


****

    I awakened many times through the night. I wasn't used to the
feeling of someone sleeping next to me.  Scully had snuggled up 
beside me, her presence very safe and reassuring to me in the
darkness.  

    I kept thinking about what she had said about the connection
we shared.  I felt it too.  I had begun to take it for granted. 
I thought she would always be here with me no matter what, but 
she proved otherwise by leaving those few weeks.  

    Jealous.  Weakened.  Those were words I never expected to hear 
from her; let alone emotions she would feel.  She always seemed 
so strong. So confident.  But I knew the FBI Agent, not the woman
underneath.  Now that was going to change.  

    Scully will never have any more doubts about the strength
of our bond ever again.  

****
END

That's *really* the end.  I hoped you enjoyed it. 


Virtual accolades and praise go out to Shannon for the beta and 
accompanying picture.  That's right, folks I was able to finagle a 
collage out of my webmistress this time. Her additional suggestions
helped to make this series even better. 
    
Like what you read?
Come to Lisa's Haven: http://shannono.simplenet.com/haven/