Disclaimer: Nope, these characters aren't mine. Category: SRA Classification: MSR Rating: PG Spoilers: Requiem Archive: Gossamer. Spookys. Further X. Others ask me. Feedback: Knock yourself out. Summary: Can Scully face a future without Mulder? Thanks to: shoshana and Sara Lynn for the beta help. "Attached" by Lisa (haven599@msn.com) Would it ever get better? This was the question Scully constantly asked herself over the weeks since Mulder had been taken. That morning when Byers, Langly, and Frohike walked into her hospital room with such somber looks on their faces, she knew it couldn't be good news. Byers was the designated spokesman, solemnly telling her of Mulder's disappearance. Scully tried not to cry in front of them, but the tears slipped out anyway. She quickly wiped them away before reaching for Byers' hand and squeezing it tightly. The three of them quietly left her room, vowing they'd do everything in their power to find Mulder. Skinner convinced her to take a couple weeks off, considering her situation. Pregnancy was a situation? She could tell he was uncomfortable discussing this with her -- perhaps he wanted to ask her if it was Mulder's child but feared his question would be appropriate or offensive in some way. It wouldn't be. Mulder was the father. It was Mulder's baby. Their child. Together. Even though Scully had spoken the words aloud, it didn't make it seem anymore real to her until she started doing some reading and believing that there really was a life growing inside her. A child. Their child. Scully tried to follow her supervisor's advice and take some time away from work, but all she did was get upset and worry about Mulder constantly. She tried to focus her mind on something else. She went to a bookstore to buy a book about pregnancy, but it also contained special chapters for the father-to-be and Scully could barely skim through it without becoming upset. The Internet provided a wealth of information as well. One particular site told her each week out how the baby was developing, bringing a smile to her face every time. The doctor appointments were difficult. She had to make excuses for the father not being here, saying that next month he'll try and get off work to make it. The staff probably felt he wasn't interested in being a parent to his child. Scully prayed that next month he'd be able to come the doctor's office with her. The sonogram photo hung forlornly on the refrigerator door, Scully being its only viewer. ++++ Being at work at least focused her mind on something other than Mulder. The X-Files were closed down temporarily and Scully was being given assignments that utilized her medical background. She worked with many new agents in the Bureau, allowing her to expand her horizons a bit more. At first, other agents expressed their sympathies and treated her with kid gloves, as if she were Mulder's widow. Perhaps they were trying to find out if he was the father of her baby. The pregnancy was becoming noticeable. What if Mulder never came back? Scully awoke in the middle of the night from a dream, a nightmare in which she had to identify Mulder's body. It scared her so much that she spent the rest of the night dwelling on that horrible possibility. Was she prepared to raise their child alone? Their child would be deprived of a loving man whom would make a wonderful father. The possibility of single motherhood never entered her mind during her adult life. Would her memories and recollections of Mulder be enough for their child to get a clear picture of its father's life? She doubted so. How could she even begin to tell their child what happened to him? Was she prepared for a future without Mulder? Scully tried to ready herself for that reality, but it was so hard to believe he wouldn't be back. After all, she was returned to him, shouldn't he be returned to her? It was only logical. She was trying so hard to be optimistic. The night before Mulder left she had not been with him. They were both at their respective apartments. Scully said good bye to him the next morning, giving him her cross necklace to let him know she would always be with him in spirit. After an all too brief kiss good bye, he drove himself to the airport to meet Skinner. Since Mulder was so adamant that she not go, Scully was glad Skinner was going to look after him on the trip. But even Skinner couldn't stop what happened. No one could. The memories always came flooding back in the middle of the night. The first time they made love was in this bed - on a cold night in January, a few weeks after the new millennium had begun. It was a Friday so they had spent the rest of the weekend together, never leaving the apartment once. She feared the coming Monday, thinking the spell would be broken, but Mulder whispered to her late Sunday night that nothing would change, no one could separate them now. It could only get better. That night in Oregon when Mulder had held her close beside him, both were unaware that the life they created was grew inside her. Scully felt horrible during that trip and feared the worst with respect to her health. Pregnancy never entered her mind as an option for her. When she heard the cause of her symptoms, Scully told the nurse she must be mistaken and requested the test be done again. The second test just confirmed what she thought impossible - she was going to have a baby! A myriad of emotions flowed through her body, but her mind settled on the conversation she and Mulder had a few days earlier: 'There's so much more you need to do with your life.' Perhaps this was it. She never had the opportunity to tell him that he was going to be a father by the end of the year. Scully rested her hand across her abdomen, feeling closer to her lover and their baby with this simple gesture. ++++ The next morning, Scully was trying to catch up on paperwork, when the ringing of the phone interrupted her train of thought. she thought about ignoring it, but perhaps it was of the calls she was waiting for. She picked up the phone. "Hello?" The faint sound of someone breathing came through the receiver. Scully was about to hang up when she heard her name spoken very softly by the caller. "Mulder? Is that you?" ++++ Scully rushed passed Skinner's secretary and opened the door to the assistant director's office. "Sir, I need to speak with you," Scully said. "It's very important." Skinner looked up at the very pregnant woman who came barging into his office frantically. He gripped the phone against his head telling the caller he'd have to get back with them later. "Yes, Agent Scully," he said, "What is it?" "Mulder called me," she said excitedly. "What?" Skinner asked. "Where is he?" "I . . . I don't know. I heard his voice on the phone and then the line went dead. I wasn't able to ask him where he was." She looked up at Skinner who had a doubtful expression on his face. "What?" "Are you sure it was him?" he asked. "The call came into my office while I was doing paperwork. It was very faint, but . . ." "Why wouldn't Mulder call your apartment or come over, Scully? Are you positive it was -" "I know what I heard, sir," she told him. She looked at his emotionless face, expecting more of a reaction from him. Scully got up and headed for the door, not expecting this reaction from him at all. "Agent Scully," he called out to her. "I want him back, too." Scully tried to smile, but couldn't quite manage it. "Then help me," she told him as she walked through the doorway. She returned to her office, but her concentration was shot, glancing at the phone every few minutes, hoping he'd call back, wherever he was. After awhile, Scully gave up and decided to leave, took the hoping for better luck at home. ++++ Scully had good intentions of making it to her apartment, but she found herself at Mulder's apartment instead. She'd been here many times since his disappearance, but maybe there was something she'd overlooked. Maybe. But nothing could prepare her for what she came upon in the bedroom. Mulder lying on the bed! Scully rushed over and pulled him close to her, hugging him tightly. She couldn't feel him responding to her. "Mulder, what's wrong? Mulder?!" she cried. "Scully," he said weakly. "Something happened to . . ." Instantly, the doctor in her took over and she examined him quickly, not seeing any visible wounds or blood anywhere. She looked at his eyes, but they wouldn't open and he seemed lethargic and listless. Pressing her lips to his forehead, she thought he might have a slight fever, but his face didn't feel warm at all. "Mulder, where does it hurt? Tell me what's wrong?" she said frantically. "Please, help me." "I . . . I can't see very well at all. I don't remember how I got here," he informed her. "How long have you been here? Why can't I -" "Do you know where you are?" Scully caressed his hair lovingly, trying to keep him calm. "My apartment," he answered. "I couldn't go anywhere, so I tried to call you, but couldn't remember your number, so I ask the operator to connect me with the FBI -" "Yes, you called me a couple hours ago. I was on my way home. I'm glad I stopped here." She squeezed his hand. "Can you remember how long you've been here?" "Not long, I think," he replied. "But I can't be sure." "I hope not," Scully said. "I hope you haven't been here for days and I didn't know about it." She choked back her tears. "I should have come by last week. I thought about it, but never made the time." "I really don't think it's been that long, Scully," he reassured her. She nodded. "Okay," she said softly. "But you need to go to a hospital." "No. No hospitals," he stated. "Mulder, you need medical attention," Scully said. "Last time I remembered, you were a doctor," he replied. "Please, Scully, no hospitals." She sighed. "All right, Mulder. No hospitals, but I want you to come home with me." "There's something I wanted to tell you, Scully. Something that happened to me, but I can't quite remember. It was important." He put his hands on his head, as if that would help it come back easier. "I'm sure it will come back to you," she assured him. Scully slipped off her coat and shoes and slid next to him in bed. "I want you to rest a little more before we try and get you to the car," she whispered to him. Mulder's eyes were closed and he seemed to be asleep. Scully pressed a soft kiss on his cheek. She didn't think he noticed that she was pregnant, but she snuggled closer to him, so her stomach was pressed against his back, so grateful that he was here with her at last. ++++ Scully was able to get Mulder into her bed and out of his clothes with a bit of a struggle. She probably shouldn't have been doing so much at this stage of her pregnancy, but she had no other choice. It was late; he'd been sleeping for hours. Scully couldn't seem to settle down; she checked on him every few minutes, just to make sure he was still breathing. She needed her rest and so did the baby. The baby. Mulder doesn't even know yet. Scully could go and sleep next to him, but then he may realize she's pregnant and she wouldn't be able to tell him herself. Scully was able to catch only a couple of hours of restless sleep before she was awakened by Mulder's desperate cries. ++++ "Scully? Scully?" She heard Mulder frantically calling her name and almost tripped herself on the sheets tangled around her as she hurried from the couch. "What's wrong, Mulder?" She hurried into the bedroom, then sat on the edge of the bed beside him. "I remember what I wanted to tell you," he replied. "I know what happened." He sat up in bed. "The tests they did - they had a side effect." "Tests?" Mulder, did they hurt you?" she asked, squeezing his hand. This was what she feared all along. He ignored her question and continued. "I was able to feel what you were feeling, Scully," he explained. "What are you talking about, Mulder?" she asked. "I don't understand." "Sadness, Scully. A deep, profound sadness," he said. "Then after a while I felt happy. Much happiness. It wasn't me, because I was miserable. I-" "You could read my mind?" Then he must know about the baby, she thought. He must already know. "No, not like before. These were just feelings. It was as if we had some sort of emotional link." Mulder smiled at her. A smile she hadn't seen in a long time. "I don't understand. How were you able to have that kind of empathic connection with me?" Scully asked. "I don't know -- it's gone now. I guess it only happened while we were apart." Mulder told her. "But it's better this way." He stroked her hair gently. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Mulder I have something important to tell you. I . . ." He reached over for her and his hands brushed against her stomach. "Scully?" She smiled at him through tears spilling down her face. She nodded. "I'm pregnant, Mulder." "How? I mean I thought . . ." he began. "When did this happen? When did you-" Scully laughed softly through her tears. "I found out the day you disappeared. I was afraid I was going to have to raise this baby alone -- but you're here now." Her fingers wiped tears from her eyes. "It shouldn't be too much longer now before the baby comes." "How . . . how far along are you?" he asked. "Six months." "I've been gone six months? He sighed, and the worry lines on his forehead were obvious to her. "Scully, I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone. I . . ." "I've tried to do the best I can." Scully gathered him as close as possible and he began to cry softly against her. She whispered soothing words to him, trying to contain her own churning emotions. After a few minutes, his tears subsided and he said quietly, "Tell me everything that happened to you since you found out about the baby." ++++ Scully filled him in on her life since he had been gone. It took up most of their day and several breaks for food and one long nap. Mulder doted on her - making her anything she wanted to eat and frequently asking if she needed more rest. He was making up for lost time; she was sure of it. She wished he'd talk about his experiences, but when Scully tried to steer their conversation in that direction, he'd tell her it wasn't important right now, then continue to ask about her pregnancy. Scully hoped he'd open up one of these days and tell her about them. "Have you thought about names?" he asked, while they were sitting next to each other on the couch. "Yes, I have," She took his hand in hers. "I don't know if you'll like the ones I've picked out, or if you have anything special in mind. If it's a boy I like Jonathan and for a girl Faith." Mulder smiled at her choices and Scully remarked, "Of course, we're going to have to call them by their first name. We can't have two Mulders running around." "We can't, can we?" he said, looking genuinely happy. "Seriously . . . if you ever had a favorite name in mind, I want to know what it is, Mulder," she told him, more than pleased he was here to participate in the naming of their child. "They're beautiful names, Scully," he replied. "Whatever makes you happy." Tears came to her eyes. You make me happy, she thought. The baby must agree, on all aspects of the situation, since it kicked against Scully's stomach. She gently took Mulder's hand and laid it carefully on her body, watching his face light up as he felt his child move for the first time. ++++ Later that evening, Scully was sitting on the edge of her bed, and glancing through her pregnancy book, clad only in a pajama top, two sizes bigger than what she'd normally wear. A few weeks back she had abandoned the matching bottoms for comfort's sake. Mulder had fallen asleep on the couch and she had quietly performed her bedtime rituals, hoping not to disturb him. She was just setting the book down when Mulder walked into the room. Removing her glasses, she smiled up at him. There was an intenseness to his expression. "Mulder?" He came closer, dropping to his knees in front of her and resting his head on her stomach. Scully cautiously laced her fingers through his hair, whispering, "What is it, sweetie?" Her hands were shaking and she could feel the tears in the back of her throat. Mulder looked up at her. "I want to make love to you," he told her, "Is it okay . . . I mean for the baby? Scully stroked his hair and nodded. "It's okay," she replied, then added, "It's okay for the baby's mother, too." Mulder caressed her cheek, brushing some hair away from her face before kissing her. He braced his hands on the edge of the bed, rising up to meet her in a passionate kiss. "I missed you so much," Scully whispered. ++++ Scully found Mulder sitting on the couch early the next morning, holding the sonogram picture in front of him, seemingly mesmerized by the black and white image of his child. She couldn't blame him. Each time she looked at it, it amazed her, too. No one else had seen it; she'd been saving it for Mulder. No one else knew Mulder was back. She had forgotten to call Skinner. Or anyone for that matter. "Mulder, we never called . . ." She picked up the phone off the table beside the couch and began punch in his number. "Scully, don't call anyone just yet," Mulder told her, as if reading her mind. "But, Mulder, Skinner needs -" He held out his hand to her and she went to him, settling herself on his lap. Mulder placed one hand on her abdomen, the other still clutching the photograph. Scully smiled to herself. The outside world could wait just a little longer. ++++ END Like what you read? Come to Lisa's Haven: http://shannono.simplenet.com/haven/