Title: Surrender III
Author: RocketMan >lebontrager@iname.com<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully beong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No fringe is
intended.

NOTES:::: This is a stand alone piece, as are the rest. You need not to
have read the other two to understand.

~~~~~
Surrender
~~~~~

The phone rings softly again, carefully insinuating itself into her
dreams of Las Vegas showgirls and strip clubs and poker tables that
don't stop moving around.

Gambling. Taking a chance. Risking things. Why this dream?

She slips back to reality, the details frustratingly out of reach,
knowing only that it was strange, and not her, and not something she
cares to remember anyway.

She picks up the phone, cradles it on the bed as it rings again,
watching the way the keypad lights up.

Then she hesitantly removes the receiver.

"Scully."

A sigh of relief greets her. It is a voice she does not want to hear
tonight.

"It's me. I wondered if you were even going to answer."

He wondered. He has the right to wonder. She wishes she wasn't talking
to him now, wishes she hadn't picked it up, hadn't said her name.

"I answered."

"Thank you."

She pauses, adjusts the bedspread over her chilled body, eyes the clock.

3:13.

Odd time to call. Usually it's two or possibly one . . . not three. By
three he really is asleep.

"Why did you call, Mulder?"

"I miss you."

What was there to miss?

"Why? I'm not usually over at your apartment at three in the morning, am
I? Or have I been missing something?"

Her words are harsh; she knows this, but he needs to back away, to give
her back her space, to let her reassert some control over herself again.

"No. . . No, I mean, today. I missed you all today. Why'd you leave?"

<Because you are too close. Because your body sidles up next to mine and
doesn't let me calm down. Because I need you and I can't allow myself to
need anyone.>

"I was tired."

"Of me?"

She pauses, wondering at how much truth he actually knew. 

If he knows, why does he not act on it? Why tease her like this and make
her suffer?

"Yes. I was tired of you."

His breath stops short, his throat makes a sort of hitched sob.

Maybe he really does not know. Maybe his words are a way to condemn
himself further.

"Not of you, Mulder. Really-"

"You just said it. You said me. You are. I know it."

"Just of things together. Too much has happened and I need to find ways
around it."

"Just let it be."

"Speaking words of wisdom?" she whispers.

"Let it be." His words echo back, things that she knows are right, but
can't face.

"And do what? Let it be what it is and lose everything in the process?"

She can hear a smile on his face. 

"No. Let it be what it is and gain everything in the process."

"I can't just sit back, Mulder. I have to have some kind of . . . of . .
."

"Control?"

"Yes." She whispers it softly.

"No. You're stronger than that. We control only this thing between us,
nothing else. Whatever happens . . . it happens. But nothing can take
away, can control what is already there. Nothing."

She wants to believe this. She wants to let go of her fears and her
panic.

"How do I let it go?"

"You answered the phone, didn't you?"

"Yes," she says, twisting the cord with a finger and shifting further
into the sheets.

"You had that control to make the decision, but you have no control over
what I say. None. I could have said something and hurt you, or something
to confuse you. . . but you still picked up the phone."

She smiles, lets the images come. "So I just have to pick up the phone,
is that it?"

"In a very basic, very simplified way, yes. Just answer when I call."

She snorts. "I will not be at your beck and call."

He chuckles. "Darn. I was hoping you would."

"Too bad. Find another woman."

"I've already found mine."

Her breath stops, her body stills.

Her room is quiet, dark, oppressing. 

One of those things, he's said it. One of the things that she has no
control over, but that make her react.

"Are you going to let it go? Let it happen?" he whispers, his voice deep
with something she doesn't recognize at first, mainly because she's
never heard it in him.

Fear. His voice is afraid of what she'll say now.

"I've never been one for giving up," she says, even though she wants to
say yes, yes, please control it all for me.

"Not giving up, Scully. Giving in. Giving in to yourself, to me."

Giving in to Mulder. The sound of it makes her shiver, makes her want to
reach for her blankets and wrap herself in warmth until he comes for
her.

"*I'll* give in. . ."

His admission startles her. She hasn't thought of what he has to do for
this, only her own sacrifices on the altar of Something More.

"Mulder?"

"Yes."

"I promise, I'll never give up."

"I know."

"So, then . . . . . . I surrender."

~~~~~

end
adios
RM