So It Goes By RocketMan ===== SPOILER:::::THE END::::::US5 ==== ' "All the real soldiers are dead," she said. It was true. So it goes.' -- Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut ==== So it goes. She was numb and he was cold and they stood there like idiots waiting for someone to come along and ruin the moment, or maybe waiting for someone to come along and get embarassed and leave them alone again. All that happened was she got very annoyed with his just standing there when all she was asking for was his arms to thread around her, to tell her that maybe something was left after this. Fire was horrible, he thought. It was all he could think. Fire is horrible. She couldn't see them in the future together, as always. She couldn't find that picture of them in her heart that she always carried around where they were old and wrinkled and sitting on the porch or in an asylum, telling each other old ghost stories to keep their minds sharp - but their minds had been long gone anyway. That picture was gone. Just like their office. All the real things were dead. So it goes. She wanted him to touch her so she could know that he wasn't some sick illusion creatd by her mind for the past five years - an illusion that seemed to care for her. Seemed to. He was frozen. Wasn't that usually her part? After standing there, numb and rebuked, she felt the ash collect in her eyes and the smoke cloud her lids and raw tears finally fell. He then wrapped his arms around her briefly, closing his eyes and feeling like a pervert as he noticed the way her hair was a breath of fresh air. So it goes. She sighed and looked back at him, thankful he had finally noticed her. His eyes were no longer that pitiful shade of nothing black, but instead they were a hopeless shade of elusive brown. Not much better. His hands came to her face and just as he wanted to kiss her, someone did come in a ruin the moment and he was grateful to the fireman because he really didn't want to have to kiss her in the ruined, smelly, destroyed basement office that had now come to symbolize their defeat. So it goes. He pulled her out of the way of the fire crew and pushed her back through the door, knowing that neither one of them needed to look at this right now. She was talking softly and he leaned in close to hear her. "I thought before was bad. When I thought they'd split us up, that we'd be stuck with other partners . . . but this is worse. So much worse." He shook his head and sighed a bit, fingering a stray, smoky smelling lock of her hair. She pulled back and frowned at him. "Mulder, don't you see?" "I see. I wish I didn't." She bit her lip and raised her eyebrow and did all the Scully things he expected her to do. But he didn't want the Scully/Mulder things right now. She followed him to his car and he drove back to their apartment under her watchful, concerned, utterly detatched doctor eye. Inside, she sat back down on the chair and he flopped back on the couch and wondered if his apartment was suitable for a first kiss. A first kiss where they could smell the smoke in each other's clothes, feel the grittiness of ash as they tried to forget the horror. He sat up and she came to sit next to him. Neither had much hope in this, but they kissed anyway. So it goes. Nothing much: they were numb and feeling the loss of a hollowed out pit in their guts on top of the fact they eached blamed themselves for the X-Files being gutted. So it goes. He sighed and they apologized with their eyes and he drew her against his chest and laid back down, surrendering to the exhaustion that lay within him. She snuggled down into the crack between him and the back of the couch and closed her eyes. Of course, she was still thinking. "Mulder, did you and Diana --" "Not now, Scully. Not now. I can't even begin to think." She was silent and listened instead to his heart slow as he drifted off. She wanted to know, but -- So it goes. She had a horrible feeling everything would hit them tomorrow, when they woke together, reeking of smoke and bad sour memories of twisting metal and burned leather chairs. his post-it note had said. And that was about all they could deal with at the moment. So it goes. ~~~~ end adios RM