Pure Sweet Abandon
By RocketMan

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Notes: I guess pleading does work. I got nine responses to the last
story, 'They're Green.' But, I had to choose only one person to dedicate
this to. Sorry all of you who didn't recieve that ultimate honor. Try
again.
Dedication: To Laura the Fox, who keeps telling me she's my biggest fan.

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I am sitting on a church pew with wine colored cushions, but I am out in
a meadow. The grass sparkles with summer morning dew and I see the
darker tracks of small animals that have traipsed across its length in
these early hours. There are huge, twisting oaks in the distance and I
am shaded by a gnarled sycamore that reminds me of the trees around
Mulder's family's house.

The light of summer is not quite so hot, and the breeze blowing over me
is pleasantly warm, with hints of clover and Queen Anne's lace.

I feel warm.

I look down in this ethreal dream and see my baby girl.

She is sleeping on my thighs, her head pillowed in my knees, and her
feet tucked into my belly. Her tiny head is turned so that her right
cheek is resting against my knee, and her fingers are curled with the
vestiges of dreams.

She is my warmth this day.

I caress her soft cheek with a finger and watch her move in an inherited
response, the fine lips moving to suckle.

The breeze blows over us again and she sighs deeply, snuggling against
my legs and opening her mouth.

Pure sweet abandon.

My pure sweet baby girl, sleeping as if there are no bad things in life,
as if guns and wars and governments did not exist.

I gaze at her with pride and my heart feels full; I cannot believe I
have this miracle.

My baby stirs and her blue eyes open to see me, and she smiles.

My smile couldn't be bigger.

She blinks sleepily and I smooth my finger over her stomach, easing her
into wakefulness.

She yawns and I can see her pink gums and her small baby tongue.

I move to nuzzle her belly and she curls around me, grabbing my cheek
with a soft tiny hand.

I laugh as she does and take her fingers around one of mine, playing
with her.

Suddenly a hand reaches over my shoulder and reverently runs a finger
down my baby girl's cheek, making her smile.

I twist in the chair and look up to see........................
...............to see Mulder smiling at me.

And fluorescent lights behind him, ugly grey green file cabinets and a
desk.

I look down to my lap and see a heavy book on bi-polar disorder that I'd
been reading for our next case.

I could cry.

"Scully? You were sleeping with such abandon......"

<Pure sweet abandon....>

".....I didn't want to wake you, but Skinner called for us."

I nod and try not to look at him.

"How soon?" I say roughly, my voice thick with loss.

"Um, a few minutes." he says.

"You go on, Mulder. I'm going to go to the bathroom."

He lets me go, though I can see he wants to know what I had been
dreaming of that made me so happy, then so sorrowful.

I walk into the bathroom and thankfully no one is there.

I cried with pure sweet abandon.

end
adios
RocketMan