Title: Promsie Me (1/?)
Sequel to Promise?
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com<
Disclaimer:  Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No
infringement is intended.  Shannon and her family are my creation. =-)

Promise Me

Roughly six months later 

Dana Scully got home late that night, sighing as she finally took off
her high heels, hating that heighth had to come with aches. 
She scanned her living room and found it a mess. She had to clean it up
somewhat before Mulder came over.
And she had her mother coming to dinner tomorrow night, along with three
long overdue reports, and a doctor's appointment.
Not to mention that she and Mulder had been called up in front of the
Oversight Committee and were scheduled to give a presentation, then
defend themselves as the men attacked their policies and beliefs.
Tomorrow would not be pretty.
Mulder had already exploded at her for minor things that morning because
he was so worried about it, and she had a bad feeling that a nosebleed
would come on while she attempted to give her report.
Nosebleeds had been coming more often lately and the doctor wanted to
see her more and more. She could almost feel the cancer growing, moving,
invading her body.
She sighed and picked up the strewn cushions and threw them back on the
couch, realizing they had been there from the last time she and Mulder
pulled an all nighter.
Of course, these days, Scully didn't take much notice of night and day;
they all blurred together.
She avoided sleep when she could; it only brought painful reminders of
the things she had done wrong and the things she didn't have.
She went to the kitchen, taking her hose off as she walked and throwing
them in the hamper by the hall, and took a look around her kitchen.
She knew Mulder would be ravenous by the time he got there, and not even
realize it.
She took out the chicken she had thawed and set it in a pan on the
stove, then took out her recipe book.
It was dirty and thumbed; Scully loved cooking, but recently hadn't had
much time.
She pulled out her recipe for chicken catcatori and hunted for all the
ingredients.
Happily, she began adding things to the pan, tasting as she went.
When her doorbell rang later, she called for him to come in.
"Scully." he said, coming up behind her and smiling at the scents
assaulting him.
"Hey," she said softly, still lingering over the now-done chicken,
reveling in the peace.
"Mmm. Smells good." he said and leaned forward.
He grabbed the wooden spoon while it was still in her hands and brought
the thick red tomato sauce to his lips.
She smiled at the pure pleasure on his face and realized that cooking
for a specific person was what made it so fun.
He leaned back and licked his lips.
"Very good." he said, and smiled at the sudden soft look on her face.
She looked pretty when she smiled.
"So, where are the plates?"
She raised her eyebrow. "Who said this was for you?"
His mouth dropped open and he stood there in shock.
"Don't even play like that."
She couldn't keep a straight face and he suddenly narrowed his eyes at
her.
"Hey, that's not funny."
She smiled more and he advanced towards her.
She backed up.
"Plates are up here, Mulder." she said, cutting off whatever sense of
companionship that had been threatening.
He nodded and pulled down two plates, then filled his with the chicken
and some rice she had microwaved.
"What? No vegetables, Doctor?" he said with a grin.
She smirked at him and pulled the green beans out of the oven where
they'd been kept warm.
He chuckled and dished some on his plate.
He sat down at the kitchen table and plowed into his food.
When he noticed that she wasn't eating he looked up with a confused
glint in his eyes.
"Why aren't you eating?"
She shook her head. "I'm not hungry right now. I'll eat later."
He nodded but felt worried.
As she finished cleaning up the counter and stove, he watched her move.
Her arms and wrists were small and bony, and her face was guant. He
could see dark circles under her eyes and she was wearing more make-up
to conceal it. He wondered why he hadn't noticed it before. 
She walked wearily and everything was accompanied by a tiny yawn that
she tried to hide. He watched her walk to the living room and pick up
dirty clothes, trash, plates, and other odds and ends. She looked so
very small and so very sick.
He hated himself for letting her get that way.
As his eyes tracked her he wondered if she had been eating at all.
He didn't think so.
He swallowed a bite of food and it went down thickly, forming a hard
knot in his stomach.
She was wasting away.
He quickly scarffed down the rest of his dinner and placed the dishes in
the sink. Then he helped her pick up some, basking in the smile of
appreciation she gave him.
When it was straight she sat down with a sigh on the couch. He sat down
on the opposite end and then scared her as he grabbed her legs, pulling
them down and letting her stretch out.
Then he began to massage them, working out the stiffness and sore
muscles that his fingers could sense.
He watched her face as she closed her eyes and luxriated in the touch.
She was in heaven.
"Mmmm, feels good Mulder." she said and he wondered why she had to say
things like that, with that low throaty voice.
Soon they got to work on the presentation.
It was two in the morning when he looked up and realized she had fallen
asleep on the couch, her graphs and papers piled in her lap and her head
resting on the back of the couch.
He gingerly pulled the papers from her hands and unplugged her laptop.
She moaned and stirred but did not wake.
He touched her cheek and brushed away the soft hair that masked her
face.
She looked beautiful in her sleep.
He sighed and watched her for a moment, then began to softly go over his
notes for the next day.
Almost unconsciously, he began stroking her hand, reading words that he
had to memorize and feeling nothing but her skin.
At two-thirty she began to twist on the couch, her face contorted and
not at all peaceful. He sat and watched her to make sure she wouldn't
fall off the couch, still touching her hand.
Soon she began to almost scream, but it came out silent and stilted, as
if she were paralyzed and unable to respond; it was a gagged kind of
sound. 
Mulder realized it was a night terror, the type of nightmare that came
during non REM sleep and was unexpected, therefore incredibly real and
terrifying to the mind. 
He started to wake her.
She was murmuring about dragons and fire and he froze.
She was dreaming about Shannon.
She still felt responsible for her disappearance and evident capture by
CancerMan. She felt guilty for it.
He shook her gently and called her name.
She moaned and twisted against him, so that her body rested on his.
She seemed to calm and grew slack.
He sighed and positioned himself better on the couch, then grabbed his
notes and held her close as he read.
He was going to make her eat when she woke up, regardless if she was
hungry or not.
And he was going to see if she ever slept.
He knew how nightmares were. Once they haunted your sleep, you never
wanted to sleep again.
Some things were just too real.

end part one
adios
rocketman


Title: Promise Me (2/?)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstaions.com<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No
infringement is intended. Shannon is my vreation. =-)

Promise Me

When she woke, she jerked in his arms as if coming back to reality after
an intensely vivid dream. She turned and saw him, calmly reading and
making little notes, and shook her head.
She did not comment on the fact that she'd been leaning against him.
Sleeping quite peacefully on his chest.
"How long have I been out?"
He took off his reading glasses and her breath returned to her.
She hadn't realized she'd been holding it.
"For about thirty minutes that I noticed."
She frowned. "I should get back to-"
"No." he said and took her hand from where it stretched to reach her
notes.
"I'm taking a break now, and I want you to keep me company." He grinned
and thought his idea rather ingenious. She would do it for him, he was
sure of it, but never for herself.
"Mulder-"
"Nope. I'm hungry again."
He stood and pulled her up with him; she was lighter than he realized
and fell easily into his arms.
He trooped to the kitchen and pulled out the extra plate he'd gotten and
piled on cold chicken and clumped up rice. Then he dished out the green
beans and placed it in the microwave.
"This one's for you." he said as the chime signalled for him to take it
out.
"What?"
"Here," he replied, shoving the almost hot plate into her hands.
"But, I'm not hungry-"
"Scully. Please. You might as well eat now. With me."
She sighed and set it on the kitchen table, fulling intending to leave
it there and not even touch it.
He made his own plate and heated it up, then pulled out silverware for
them.
She watched him cool the food a bit and place a huge bite in his mouth.
She had a feeling there was something else going on besides his sudden
hunger.
"Scully. Eat."
Great. He was down to monosyllabic words now.
She smiled ruefully at him and shook her head as he ate the chicken,
sauce dribbling down his chin a bit.
He looked up and wiped his mouth and chin, then eyed her untouched
plate.
"Scully. Please, just eat it."
His anguish caused her to jerk away from the plate, from him. Why did he
seem like his whole life depended upon her eating the food?
"Mulder, I'm not hungry. I'll eat later."
She couldn't understand his near fear at this.
"Scully, it's nearly midnight!"
She stared him down, eyes daggers of indignation that hurt him like
sword points.
"Scully . . . please, just eat it. Just eat it. It won't hurt any."
It had become a matter of principle now, instead of preference.
He stood and rinsed his plate off in the sink, letting almost all of his
food swirl down the drain.
She became furious with the obvious trick he was trying to play.
He hadn't been hungry at all, only trying to get her to eat.
She stood but he came over and shoved her back in the seat.
"Scully. Eat it. Please."
She felt her eyes widen in shock at his very rude behavior and she
wondered where this had all come from.
"Why the hell should I?" she shouted, struggling to rise.
But the look of complete self hatred in his eyes made her stop. He
looked like he wished he could be anywhere in the world but there,
forcing her to sit down, in her own apartment.
She stopped wriggling and locked her gaze on his. He was hurting from
something . . . and simply eating her dinner had the power to soothe
him.
So she picked up the fork and ate.
She ate everything on her plate and practically licked the sauce from
the sides.
When she finished he sighed and sat down, hands cradling his head.
"Thank you," he whispered.
"Mulder, what was that about?" she said softly, just a bit frightened.
"Well, you . . . you haven't been eating any that I can tell, and I'm
with you all the time. And you're so painfully thin . . . you need
control . . . I've seen it before in the hospital psyche wards, the
girls think they can control their bodies because they-"
"What." Her voice came out as a whisper of a plea. "You think I . . . I
.. . . you thought I was anorexic or something?"
He shook his head and sighed. "I don't know. You just don't . . . You
need good food Scully. I mean, you're the doctor, you know that. But I
was worried and I know that over time, if a person doesn't eat, their
stomach shrinks so much that they *can't* eat, and I-"
"Shut up, Mulder," she said, trying to summon her anger. 
She couldn't be mad at him though. His concerns were founded and he was
right - she hardly ever ate anything of nutritional value.
He hung his head and stood, walking away.
"Mulder . . . I'm okay, really."
He nodded and kept his back to her.
Suddenly he spoke.
"You were dreaming about Shannon." he stated.
She was startled and came around to face him.
"Yes, I was." she said honestly, wondering where he was going with that.
"Scully, do you ever sleep anymore?"
She closed her eyes in defeat. "I try not to." she said, once again
surprised at her honesty.
He gave her a hug, a spontaneous, unplanned hug that made her feel just
a bit better for it.
She smiled and shook her head. "You've been rubbing off on me." she
said.
At her words his face crumpled into a thousand waves of sorrow and she
hurriedly tried to repair the damage.
"No, Mulder, that's not what I meant. I was trying to lighten . . . oh
crap, I'm sorry, Mulder. I didn't mean it like that at all."
He had regained his composure and now smiled a bit at her. "Don't worry,
no harm done."
She had a feeling harm had been done.
Sure enough, he retreated.
"So, we're pretty much done here, huh? We know this backwards and
forwards, right?"
"Right." she said in a small voice.
"Okay. Then I'll see you tomorrow."
He turned and walked from the apartment.
She felt her heart crash as he left.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
"I hear drums." I say.
Dragon looks at me with a skeptical snide and turns on the engine to the
car.
I hastily put on my seatbelt and listen silently, trying to figure out
where we are going.
Dragon lights his cigarrettes and inhales sharply.
"Those are bad for you," I say and watch as the Compound hurtles past
us.
Dragon says nothing and I try to talk again, hoping he'll reveal where
we're going.
Or maybe I don't shut up because I'm too nervous.
"I can feel my lungs drying out and choking on all that tar." I say,
making very annoying gagging noises with my throat.
He looks once to me and smiles pure evil.
It scares me so much that I sit back in the seat and keep my mouth shut.
We aren't in the Compound any longer and this is the first time I have
been outside in six months.
The sun is dazzling and I had forgotten what the tops of trees looked
like.
"Where's Jenny?"
"She isn't coming."
I nod and watch the birds flying across the road and the bright green
leaves swaying in the summer wind.
"I like Jenny. She's a good sister."
"Shannon."
I shut up.
He only gives one warning before he strikes, his hand darting faster
than a serpent.
I wish Jenny was going with us.  But Jenny's too special to go outside.
She has to be kept inside, away from everything. 
That's why Daddy moved us here to the Compund. He said he had to, that
Dragon was the only one who could give Jenny the right kind of medicines
to keep her healthy.
But Jenny never looks sick to me.
Jenny can do special things, and Daddy wanted her safe.
But Daddy died after we got here and Dragon takes care of us now. Jenny
says he is really her father but I don't believe her. She just didn't
know Daddy.
I still have nightmares about Mommy. I let Dragon get her and she's
gone. I don't know why she's dead, Daddy said she had to die, because
she was so bad.
But if Mommy had seen that Jenny was okay, she wouldn't be bad anymore.
Daddy didn't see it like that.
I miss Angel too.
Sometimes I can see her in my dreams. She is alseep and twisting with a
nightmare and I go over to her and tell her I'm okay and she stops
dreaming bad things.
And sometimes in my dreams I see a dragon chasing her and she can't run
fast enough and she trips and falls and the dragon gets her.
But I let the dragon get her.
"Why are we-"
His slap makes my ears ring and I turn my face away. I'm not allowed to
cry in front of him.
"I forgot, I'm sorry." I whisper.
I miss Angel.

end part two
adios
RM


Title: Promise Me (3/?)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com<
Dsiclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No
infringement is intended.

Promise Me

She grunted as the phone yanked her from a wonderful dream and as she
picked up the reciever, she could feel it fading away.
As she said hello, it was lost.
Mulder had called that night to make sure she was going to bed after
their late night last night.
"Scully, look-"
"Mulder? Why the hell are you calling me again? I was asleep."
He sighed and she could just see the frown on his lips. "I know. This is
cruddy timing, but I think you'll want to hear this."
"So, tell me, already."
"Okay, okay. Man, you're crabby when you first wake up-"
"Jeez Mulder! Tell me!"
"I love it when you beg."
She groaned and wished he were right in front of her, so she could reach
out and slap him.
"Cancer Man is dead."
She was suddenly very awake.
"What?"she said, her voice running cold chills through his body.
"He was in an accident, an eighteen wheeler smashed him head on."
"Head on?"
"Yeah. There is a God after all, huh?"
"Dead?"
"Yeah, and you won't believe this . . . "
CancerMan was dead?
"There was a little girl in the car with him, Scully."
CancerMan gone forever? But, he was the one they could make deals with .
.. . he was the one who was going to sell them her cure.
But he was dead.
"Did you understand me, Scully?"
"Yeah, a little girl."
"Scully, it could be Shannon."
~~~~

Dana walked out of the bedroom to pull open the door, then allowed him
inside while she finished getting ready.
He smiled at her and noticed the lack of warmth in hermovement.
"Hey, did you fall back asleep last night?"he called after her.
She sighed. "Not really. My mind wouldn't settle down."
"Oh. Can you believe it, Scully? One of the major players, dead, and
from a freak accident like that."
"How do you know it wasn't planned?"
He stared after her, watching her hips sway as she walked back to her
bedroom.
"I must be rubbing off on you."
She winced at the obvious dig for the other night's flippant comment.
It *had* hurt him.
"Still, Mulder, did you-"
"Yes, I checked it out as best I could. There aren't any problems. The
body was him, with human DNA and raging lung cancer. He probably woul
dhave died soon anyway."
"I'll only be satisfied when I do the autopsy, you know that Mulder."
"I know. I just wished you'd let it go for once."
"What? My job?"
He was walking toward her, looking at her as she stood in front of the
mirror brushing out her hair and dabbing on a bit of lip gloss.
"Maybe." he said, and slipped up behind her.
He liked watching her be vain for once, something she never did in front
of him, or anyone else.
She eyed him in the mirror and pressed her lips together, spreading the
lip gloss.
He was fascinated and she knew it.
"Mulder, I have to do my job." she said quietly.
"No," he breathed. "No not always."
His lips were achingly close to hers, his tongue darting out over their
slightly pink exterior.
"Yes, yes always."
Her words broke his intoxicating spell and she turned to face him,
recognizing just how close he'd been.
"Let's go, Mulder."
He blinked once and the moment was gone.
"Yeah, to the hospital," he murmured.
~~~~

As they drew closer to the ICU where the injured little girl had been
placed, Mulder could not help but be excited.
Scully needed to start eating and sleeping again.
And Shannon. 
It could be Shannon.
Something about that child made him see what he was at that age, made
him want to reach out and give her love or just a hug. 
Shannon had called Scully . . . now what?
Something appropraite. Something he could definitely see Scully as
being, once she had let her defenses down, with Shannon precipitating
it.
"What did she call you?"he whispered.
"Great eidetic memory there, Mulder," she said and gave him a very saucy
look.
He could have ravished her right there.
"Angel." she said finally.
"Angel. That's right. I knew it was something that fit."
"I'm hardly an angel Mulder."
"You're close enough for me."
He noticed that her step faltered and he wondered if his words had hit
something in her.
But she briskly brushed past him and began introducing herself to the
desk nurse.
Mulder had a feeling that everything was not going to be all right.
In fact, he had a feeling that CancerMan's death had upset her a lot.

end part three
adios
RM


Title: Promise Me (4/?)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me, and no infringement
is intended. I own Shannon.

Promise Me

I see them coming through the glass window that opens out to the nurses
station, her fire hair and his tall frame.
It's Angel.
I remember her and Mulder and the dragons that were after me at
McDonalds and them saving me.
I ran away from them and ended up at the Compound with Jenny and Daddy
and Mr. Dragon, but still, they had saved me.
Angel turns and I see the sorrow in every fiber of her skin, radiating
like the sunset over water. Angel's wings have drooped.
I close my eyes because I want to hear what they say about me first,
before I talk to them. It's a trick I learned in the Compound.
I listen to them walk inside my room, her clicks and his heaviness, and
I hear her sigh softly as she comes around to the bed.
"Oh, Shannon," she murmurs and it's very soft so that I don't think
Mulder heard it even.
"It is her," Mulder says and comes clsoer so that I can feel his breath
on my arm and his presence close to me. Angel takes my hand and rubs her
thumb along my fingers.
I let my eyes flicker open and see them and pretend to be confused. I
don't want to seem too anxious. What if they don't care anymore?
A smile creeps along his face and he leans down and kisses my cheek.
"Hey, Sleepyhead," he says and sits down beside my bed. "Where have you
been for six months?"
Angel casts a look at him, obviously amused.
"At the Compound," I say sleepily. "With Jenny and Daddy and the
Dragon."
Angel remembers.
Her head shoots up and her eyes brighten into white hot glints of blue.
She remembers showing me the picture of Dragon and making me run away
from them.
Mulder smiles again. "The Dragon was with you in the car, right Shan?"
I nod and feel an odd shiver start in my stomach, as if a million moths
were alighting to perch in my guts.
"Where's-"
"Shannon," Angel says softly, her eyes no longer hurting. "Shannon,
Dragon was hurt very badly in the accident. The doctors tried to save
him, but he was bleeding and they couldn't. He died the other day,
Shannon."
The shiver travels through me and slaps tears in my eyes, more because I
have to cry when someone I know dies than grief.
"He bled and died?"
"Yes, Shannon, he did."
I look to Mulder and he nods in confirmation.
"Where's Jenny?"
"We don't know, Shannon, was she with you?"
"No, he said she wasn't coming."
"Shannon, do you know where he was taking you?"
I shake my head, but I remember the men talking before we left. About
the ocean.
"Shannon, he had a gun with him. It had this device on the end called a
silencer, so that he could shoot it and it wouldn't make any noise."
She catches my shudder.
"Shannon, have you seen it before?"
"Only before someone disappeared."
"Disappeared?"
"Yeah, like Daddy. Dragon told me Daddy was dead. Is my Daddy dead?"
"Well, Shannon, we thought he was dead when you first met us. Jenny
too."
"Did you think I was dead?"
Angel nods and Mulder justs looks at me.
"I'm not dead, Angel. I'm not dead. I'm okay." I say and reach out my
hands to touch her.
She gasps at the electric shock that our skin causes and pulls away a
bit.
"Yeah," she says, her voice shaking, "I know that now."
"What will happen to me? I don't have a Daddy or Mommy with me."
Mulder looks uncomfortably at Angel who shakes her head.
"Well, you could stay with me, Shan." Mulder says.
I look at him and at Angel's shaking head. "Angel says no."
"Angel doesn't want me to corrupt you, that's all."
"What's corrupt mean?"
Angel takes my hand. "Nothing, hon. Now, you can stay with us, all
right?"
"Do you stay with Mulder too?"
She blushes and smiles a bit. 
"No, but it seems like it."
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Once outside again, Scully pulled Mulder over to the side and gave him a
defiant and fierce look. 
"Mulder! What were you thinking?" she seethed, her eyes raking him.
"We cannot have her live with us until who knows when! Child Services
will put her in a foster home anyway, and we have no say in the matter,
so why are you getting her hopes up?"
Mulder shurgged her off and walked away a bit. "I won't let them put her
in a home with strangers when she has us. Her father made me promise to
protect her, look out for her, Scully."
She shook her head. "But you can't always Mulder."
"I can now."
She angrily grabbed his coat sleeve, jerking  him around. "No. You
can't. That's my point. Child Services won't let you, no matter what you
do, or promised, or are."
Mulder set his jaw and jerked away again.
She softened her voice again. "Mulder," she contended, needing his
approval or his acceptance.
She wasn't sure anymore.
"Mulder, I wish we could, and believe me, I want her."
He turned. "So why are you giving up before the fact?"
She shrank away emotionally; he could see it in her eyes.
"It won't work. You're setting yourself up for-"
"For what? For failure? So? At least I tried, at least I did something.
I'd feel worse if I hadn't."
"But it hurts you Mulder. I hate that."
"It hurts you too." he replied his voice urging her to turn around and
look at him.
She didn't. Instead she shook her head. 
"I'll be waiting in the car," she replied and walked away.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
I see Mulder come in alone, apology on his face and sadness.
"Sorry, Shan, but they won't let me."
My face falls and I feel a weight sink into my chest heavily. "No," I
say, moving to sit up even though I can barely move.
He helps me into his arms, letting me cry on him as he strokes my back.
"No. You promised me." I say, sobbing out all my energy and feeling even
worse after the tears had dehydrated me.
He holds me away and wipes the tears. "I tried."
"That's not good enough!" I wail.
His face crumples and tears appear and I cry again because I've never
seen a man cry and if he's crying then it must be bad.
I feel that same fear again. "No, please. Can't I say who I want to stay
with? You can't let them put me with strangers!"
He shakes his head.
Angel comes in and he jerks up in surprise.
She comes over to me and Mulder and pulls me into her arms, ensnaring
Mulder somewhat too.
I cry onto Angel's limp wings and hate the Dragon for leaving me.
"I want Daddy, or Jenny," I mumble and feel sleep flowing into me
through my tears and into my mind.
It feels strange and I struggle.
"Something's wrong," I hear her say.
The ceiling seems to be a crawling sea, alive with ghosts and goblins
and I try to move but I only end up twitching.
"Get the doctor!" I hear faintly, like the whispered words in summer
breezes when you play games.
I slump down into Angel's arms and she shakes me gently like a boat, and
the sea is rocking me to sleep.
I fall into the ocean and drown in its jade fantasies.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
"I don't know whether I want to kill the person that did this, or thank
them," Mulder said as he drove Scully and a sleeping Shannon to the
place the government had rented for them.
It had a small recovering room with medical equipment of all kinds to
moniter Shannon's vital signs after the posioning.
Scully and Mulder had been allowed to keep her in protective custody
because of this attack by unknown persons, and the Bereau had paid for a
house out in the country to hide away in until the people were caught.
Mulder felt a little anxious being forced to wait, but he was going to
treasure the time he had with Scully and Shannon.
They arrived after a two hour drive, with frequent stops to switch cars
and license plates, not to mention to go to the bathroom after he had
that Big Gulp. 
Scully opened Shannon's door softly and pulled out the three bags they
had with them, stepping aside to let Mulder carry Shannon inside.
Once settled, Scully unpacked quickly and began sliding in between the
sheets of her bed, her clothes still on.
Mulder came in and eyed her.
"What are you doing?"
She smiled. "I'm cold and sleepy after driving."
He nodded and walked over to the bed to kneel beside her. "Okay, then
I'll let you sleep. But first, do you know where this came from?"
He pulled out a book of poems by Lucille Clifton, obviously battered
with frequent use.
"It's mine," she said softly, grabbing for it.
He gave it to her easily and sighed. "I found it in the car. I flipped
through the pages and read some of the ones you had marked."
Scully's eyes dropped. She felt violated by him. He was not supposed to
know of the things she felt so close to her heart.
He gently took the book from her hands and opened to a page.
"Do you feel like this?"
It was the section on cancer and sickness. Clifton had written every
poem with bitterness it seemed.
"LIke this?" she repeated. "Sometimes."
She turned the page and on the back was one single poem at the end. It
stood out in its brevity and starkness.
It was titled "the death of joanne c."
She gestured for him to read it.

<i am the battleground that
shrieks like a girl.
to myself i call myself
gettysburg. laughing,
twisting the i.v.,
laughing or crying, i can't tell
which anymore,
i host the furious battling of
a suicidal body and
a murderous cure.>

Mulder looked up to her, his eyes burning. He didn't need to ask if she
felt like that. Quietly he gave the book back to her, placing it in her
thin, cold fingers with sureness.
Then he reached out and drew her to him, pressing her quaking body to
his chest and hugging her as if he could drain away all the cancer in
her.
She wished he could.

end part four
adios
RM


Title: Promise Me (5/?)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com<
Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully do not belong to me. Shannon is mine.

Promise Me

"Scully?" he called, walking down the hall to the bedroom. He thought he
had heard her get up long ago, but she had never come out.
"Scully?"
"Yeah?" she called back finally.
He walked in her room, his hair dark with hours and rubbing and she
could tell by the lines on his face that he'd been sleeping in Shannon's
room.
"Scully, when is she supposed to wake up?"
She sighed and rose from the bed, shutting her laptop and pulling on
some warm socks.
"She hasn't even moved."
"I'll go check on her Mulder, hold on."
He followed her back down to Shannon's room, like a shadow, and she
creeped in the doorway, being careful not to wake the little girl.
She did a quick exam of the IV lines and the moniters and found
everything all right.
"She's okay Mulder. Go back to sleep."
It was one o'clock in the morning and neither of them had been able to
sleep very well.
"I can't." he said in a weary voice.
She sighed. "I can't either." she admitted.
He sat down heavily in the only chair and gazed longingly at Shannon's
bed.
"Will she ever wake up?"
"Oh, yeah, of course, Mulder." Scully said, resting her hand
reassuringly on his arm. "She's going to be fine. Her body just has to
heal. She was in a horrible accident before all this."
Mulder felt the sharp tinge to her words at the end. He knew she was
suffering her own pain because of CancerMan's death, though not one of
grief, but of loss.
He had figured out why she was upset, during the long hours he had spent
beside Shannon's still form.
Scully thought the cure had died along with CancerMan. If that was true,
then she probably felt that next in line for death was herself.
But knowing Scully, she was also feeling guilty for feeling this. 
Double edged sword.
He took her fingers in his and squeezed, in a way trying to show her she
had a chance and life left. She would not die of this; he just knew she
wouldn't. She couldn't.
Scully sat down at his feet, leaning her back against his legs and her
head on his knees, ignoring the surprise emenating from him. 
His hands went hesitantly to her hair, fingers itching to curl around
one tendril of that silky golden red.
She let out a little sigh when his hands slid across and her cheek came
to rest on his knee.
The sudden rush through him made him want to pull her into his lap and
hold her tightly against him, never let her go away.
But he kept himself from anything more than her touch, or he knew he
would not be in control.
Above all, she desired control.
He would be control.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
I am playing the piano for him and he hates the pauses when my fingers
stumble over the keys and I tremble because I know I have to do it right
or else it will be Mommy all over again and I am playing badly and
stumbling and fire pours from his fanged mouth before I can slip away--
--and I am watching them take Jenny from me as she screams for me to
help her to love her and I shake my head like he does and pray to Daddy
for no more pain but nothing comes, nothing comes--
--and I hear flames creeping towards me like stalking lion cats with
great huge mouths of blood, the blood of Daddy and Mommy and now, now,
the Dragon and it is all my fault - I didn't help Jenny, she could have
saved the angels that beat in the air, their wings crumpled by the great
hot breath of the Dragons--
--and I slip away . . . finally released from my nightmare prison --
~~~~@@@@~~~~
"Is she having nightmares?" he asked Scully softly, both of them
watching her face and the tightening muscles.
"I think so, Mulder."
He started to rise, to shake them away, but they just as quickly
stopped, as if sensing his approach.
She shifted back against him and drew her knees to her chest, thinking
about what she had lost.
"Mulder, what will happen to her? I mean, she had it bad in the
beginning. Her mother's abuse and father's death, and now this . . . Is
she going to come out sane after all this?"
"I don't know, Scully. I don't think she's completely sane now, as it
is."
"Oh?"
"Yeah." he sighed and let his fingers trail through her hair again. 
"What makes you think that?"
"Her logic is off. Which certainly doesn't make her crazy by any means,
or else-"
"Or else you'd be crazy."
"Right." he said frowning at her slightly, but glad she seemed to be
doing better. "She can't seem to separate reality. The Dragon and all
that. Even before, when we found her remember? I don't think she was all
that stable then either."
Shannon groaned loudly and Mulder jerked, causing Scully to pull away
from him and the beautiful touch of her hair to disappear.
He sighed and dragged his aching body to the floor beside her, hating
that he could not see her blue eyes as he talked.
She immediately moved over to make room, then shivered as his fingers
took hers. His long hands were cold.
"Do you think she'll be all right?"
Mulder shrugged at her question. "I think so. If she had a good
enviornment from now on and whoever has her can teach her to let go a
little."
"Let go of what?"
"Her very childish need for love. She clings and that's not bad - if she
was normal to begin with. She wasn't. And in her it's bad."
Scully nodded. "But I can understand why. Her father left her alone with
a mother he knew abused her, left her even when she begged him to stay .
.. . Mulder everyone has walked away from this little girl. I don't want
to do that again."
His eyes clouded with his own pain and hers. "I know you don't. But like
you said before, we may not be able to do a lot about it."
She turned her head away and bit her lip to keep the tears in. She
wouldn't cry. Not here and in this way. Not with him.
"Scully," he said softly and his concerned voice made her want to fall
into him and just weep, but she wouldn't.
She felt her thoughts combine to form an actual sentence and she pushed
it out before thinking too hard.
"I want her Mulder. I want to have her as my little girl and love her,"
she said, her voice low and almost imperceptible. He could hear more
though, in her words and her manner.
"I want to, but I can't. What kind of life is it for her if I end up
leaving her?"
He didn't understand; she could feel it in the waves of confusion
radiating from him.
"If I die, I'll be just another person that's left her. And she knows
more than anyone that all the promises in the world don't bring back the
people you love."
Her words hit him like the fist in the face he'd gotten in his first
fight ever. One of the bullies had been making fun of him and he'd had
enough and had turned around and socked the kid.
And then gotten it back worse from that boy and all his friends.
Her words now were those battering, bruising punches that left permenant
marks even after the purple and blue left.
"No, Scully. You won't."
She laughed and that stung more.
"What, Mudler? Are you going to promise me I won't? Is that it?"
He heard her world weary sigh echo off his soul.
"No, Mulder. If a child's plea for a promsie to be answered is refused
with scorn, then what are promises? Nothing. They are nothing, and to
Shannon they are only words prolonging deciet. And to me, they are words
that take me too close to the sun and let my wings melt away."
An angel.
An Icarus.
A woman, he knew, that wanted the same wonderful things in life that all
of creation strived for, but that would be taken from her before she
even had fully glimpsed it all.
And she'd be taken from him.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
I am crying into my pillow, soundlessly because otherwise he'll come to
get me and take me to the cold room without windows and make me repeat
everything word for word to him about the mission and the message will
rattle around in my head forever until it makes me implode--
--and I can't find Daddy, and Jenny is leaving again and her hands close
around the man and he's better and breathing again and she smiles as the
man thanks her and maybe it's all worth it, maybe they're not so very
bad--
--but Daddy leaves with the man with the silenced gun, his hands behind
his back like he has a special surprise for Daddy but I don't think
Daddy needs that kind of surprise not that kind with its smoke and
lights and bangs and scariness shooting out of darkness at him until he
falls falling fast and silent and red--
--I hug Jenny with my tears on red cheeks but she can't touch me today,
her gloves are on so pristine and white and healing but she doesn't heal
me--
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Scully walked to the kitchen to leave the stuffiness of his remorse and
filled a glass with decaf coffee. She drank it hot and let the taste
buds shrivel and die on her tongue under its heat.
She padded silently to the couch and crept into the sleeping bag there
that Mulder had laid out for himself.
She set her mug on the table before her and curled deep into the scent
of washed blankets and Mulder.
Soon her eyes were closed and her body asleep.
But as always, her mind roved the dark hallways of memory with ghost
feet, hunting for the one thing to unlock the love and shelve the pain.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Conversations today and nighttime brings them in but they stay all along
and hide in my head until I lay me down to sleep, praying the Lord my
Daddy to keep until I can find him safe and sound away from Dragons--
--"she can heal her but-"
"no she will, now, before the whole plan is contorted-"
"but don't we need to-"
"look, we need her alive and someone goofed. fix it."
"jenny might not have it today-"
And the Dragon becomes angry and slams his fist into the wall. "she
needs to be alive! don't you see! she has to be alive!"--
--I think they were talking on the matter of angels. At least that's
what Jenny told me when I asked her later.--
--"angels."
"why?"
"because they can fly silly. and do lots of stuff better than us."
"then how come you have to make one of them feel better?"
"maybe god forgot about her."--
--Does God forget little girls? and now he's forgotten angels--
~~~~@@@@~~~~
He went looking for her after a few minutes without her warmth in the
room, seeking its heat again and found her curled up in his bed, her
face framed by troubled hair and a wrinkling face, heavy with lines of
worry.
He watched her face move in time to a dream he probably didn't want to
know of and smiled at the lack of pretenses in her posture.
A kiss to her forehead made her lips turn up and he wondered if she had
found peace somewhere in her dreams.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
--Jenny--
--eating and praying that her body be entered into the Lord's service--
--stretching her hand and the whole world seems to tremble--
--asking that she be let out and always getting her way--
--telling me she had control, she had power, and she could get us out of
there--
--sobbing that if she had only found Daddy she could have made it all
better--
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Scully twisted in her dream and stared into his eyes. He came close
enough that she could feel every thought in him. She smiled and he
kissed her.
And something in her made her want to live.
She could see it, see what she had needed all along and it was always
right there.
Had always been right there.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
I wake and feel the whole ngiht's revelation pressing on me like a
weight across my chest and I have to get them and tell them before it's
too late.
I find Mulder in the chair and throw my sock at him and then the other
and then he wakes, jerking.
He smiles at me and comes over, then it disappears at the wild look on
my face.
"We have to get Jenny." 

end part five
adios
RM


Title: Promise Me (6/?)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com<
Disclaimer: M&S belong to CC.

Promise Me

"No, honey, you need to stay here so you can get all better, all right?"
I whimper in frustration. "No! Please Angel..."
Why won't she let me go? I have to get Jenny. It's for her.
"Please, Angel, I have to make it better. I have to make it better."
"You'll get better if you stay right here." she says and strokes my
forhead.
She thinks I'm sick or something.
I just want to make her better.
"I have to get my sister, Angel. Please...."
Her face twists and she turns away for a moment.
"Please...." My words come out as a whisper.
She turns back with tears and regret, shaking her head.
I have to get Jenny. Jenny can touch her and make her better.
Jenny can make it all better.
Mommy loved Jenny best because Jenny was special. I want Angel to love
me best, but if Jenny can make her better then I don't care who Angel
loves best.
Not even if it's Jenny.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
"Mulder, I can't keep telling her no like that. It's killing me to have
to look in her sweet hurting face and tell her she can't have her
sister."
It was like telling Mulder he could never have Samantha back.
Mulder shook his head. "I don't know what to say to her. If we tell her
to go ahead, she'll go crazy trying to find someone that's not there."
"And what if Jenny is alive?"
"Then I'm doing both of them a terrible wrong." he said softly.
She remembered his words.
".....she'll go crazy trying to find someone that's not there . . . "
Was it a reflection of his own feelings?
With CancerMan dead, would he ever know if his sister was alive?
"I got her to sleep again and I'm glad. I was starting to relent."
He sighed and opened his arms. She gave him a brief hug and then sat on
the bed, legs crossed under her.
He sat beside her and began to massage her shoulders, moving his fingers
along her spine at her neck and digging deeply into the muscles there.
Tonight his hands were warm and he felt welcome at her skin, as if it
were a return home.
"Well, I've put in an inquiry about Jenny, to see if she was a real
person." he said and she winced as his fingers caught a terribly sore
spot.
"I think she was, but the question is - is she alive?"
He nodded but she did not see; her eyes were closed and she was leaning
into him heavily, as if drugged by his fingers.
When he finished he pulled her back against him and circles his arms
around her.
She was stiff for a moment, but then she seemed more at ease and she
stopped caring.
It felt good to be warm and in his arms.
He pulled up the inquiry program on the laptop that rested beside them
on the bed and checked to see if it had anything.
Just as a message announcing he had a response flashed at him, another
image came up too.
He jekred upright and began frantically typing.
Scully stared at him."What's going on?"
"My computer link is being erased! Someone is taking all the files and
sorting through them. And they're code protected!" he said, his face
more alive than ever.
Suddenly his system crashed and he groaned, closing his eyes.
Then they popped open. 
"What happened Mulder?"
"We got an answer, and we got very close to the truth because someone
just went to a lot of dangerous trouble to take it before I could get
it."
His eyes flashed.
She was lost.
"Scully." He looked straight into her soul. "Someone doesn't want us
knowing about Jenny. Shannon isn't making this up. Jenny's one of their
science projects and I bet she really *could* 'make it better.'"

end part 6
adios
RM


Title: Promise Me (7/?)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@ixlmemphis.com<
****ADDRESS HAS CHANGED*****
Dislcaimer: M&S belong to CC, 1013, and Fox.

Promise Me

It's been forever since we came here and I keep trying to tell them I'm
better so that we can leave, but Angel can tell I'm not being all the
way truthful.
"Angel!" I say, bouncing into her room and trying to show her that I
feel great, but I start coughing and I can't catch my breath.
Angel picks me up in her arms and holds me until they're gone and then
pulls the hair from my face with a finger.
"What is it sweetie?" she says, kissing my cheek.
Mommy never kissed my cheek like that.
"It's only eight more days untill Christmas!" I say, my face showing her
that I'm fine now; I'm excited and healthy and normal.
She smiles sadly and says, "Yes, I know. Have you written a letter to
Santa Claus?"
I laugh and shake my head. I know Santa Claus isn't real. Mommy told me
when I was three and made my Daddy very upset.
"No, I haven't. Will he find me here?"
I smile because she likes  me to believe in him and maybe it'll make me
normal again.
"Of course sweetie. You want to write him a letter and ask for things?"
I nod eagerly and think maybe I'll get what I want from Angel and
Mulder.
I scramble off her lap and try to run into the other room for paper and
crayons. I have to stop in the dining room to breathe again, but it
won't come and I can't feel my toes very well.
I see the blackness again and it swirls up at me, falling toward me, the
rug is crashing into my head.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
"Mulder!" She yelled hoarsely as she found Shannon blue on the floor
after wondering where she had gone.
Mulder ran in and helped her do CPR until a pulse was found and she
began breathing again.
She cried as the breaths hurt and Scully held her closely, rocking her
back and forth.
"That was very scary, I know, sweetie, but it's okay now. It's okay."
Mulder, also on the floor with them, stroked her hair and smiled sadly
at her. "Are you going to be all right now, hon?"
Shannon nodded and clung to Scully's neck fiercely.
She stood, picking the little girl up with her, and walked back into the
bedroom.
Shannon buried her face into Scully's shirt, embarrassed that it had
happened and crushed that she had let it.
"Were you trying to write your letter, Shan?" Scully asked.
The girl nodded and Mulder said, "I'll got get you some paper and
something to write with, okay Shannon?"
Shannon nodded again and began sucking her thumb, something Scully had
noticed her doing a while ago.
"No, no, honey. Big girls don't suck their thumbs."
Shannon nodded and continued to suck her thumb.
Scully laughed lightly. "Honey, you're a big girl."
Shannon's surprised face came up to look at her, to see if she were
telling the truth or making fun.
"Yeah, you'r not a baby, hon."
Shannon's thumb came reluctantly from her mouth and she sighed.
"Thank you sweetheart."
It was almost like she had a new Mommy.
~~~~
Mulder watched Shannon writing her letter to Santa Claus and smiled,
trying to put away for good the intense feeling that Shannon should be
theirs, and that this was reality, not the X-Files, and not the fear.
He wanted this.
He settled nest to her on the floor, but she covered over what she was
writing and said, "No. You can't see it until it's done. I'm going to
make it pretty for you."
Mulder, amused and touched, rose and sat next to Scully on the bed.
"Scully," he said softly, needing to tell her some things.
She looked up at him and he saw in that naked moment, all the raw need
for this kind of life in her, the longing for that kind of family and
happiness.
He felt pretty cruddy seeing it.
She followed him outside to the living room, not a single question
falling from her lips until they were safely out of earshot.
"What's going on, Mulder?"
"They've traced the car's path back to a burned down site. It seems the
Cancer Man's men hace eluded us again."
"No trace of Jenny?"
He shook his head sadly.
"What are we going to tell Shannon?"
"Tell me what?" came her voice, fragile and cold.
Mulder sighed. "Not now, Shannon."
She shook her head. "No, tell me now. It's about Jenny. Tell me."
Mulder looked to Scully and this time, she had pity for him and motioned
him to stop.
"Shannon," she said softly. "We found the place where you had been
staying with the Dragon, but no one found Jenny. It was all gone."
Shannon's face crumpled, then grew angry.
"You're lying! Jenny's not dead! You're lying to me! You don't want me
to find her! You're lying!" she shrieked and bolted away from them.
She ran towards the door, and despite Scully's effort to grab her, got
out into the cold before a word more could be said.
She had escaped again.
Just like last time.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
It's not true. It's not true.
It's not true.
Jenny is okay and there, they just don't want be to see her. They know I
turn her fixing on and they won't let me see her.
But I have to help Angel.
I'll leave now and find her and bring her back to Angel. I'll save her
and help her love everything again and we'll be a family, a real family
and I'll be able to breathe and believe in Santa Claus and I'll be
normal.
I want to be normal and whole again and I want my Daddy.
But Daddy was taken and so was Jenny-
Not Jenny.
Not Jenny. Jenny is all right and she can make it all better.
I can't breathe.
Can't- can't - breathe - hard - to - feel - things
can't
breathe
falling
I shouldn't have
shouldn't have
shouldn't have let her go
i'm sorry angel
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Mulder found her finally, collapsed on her side, eyes closed,
dangerously cold, breathing shallowly and looking blue.
He carried back into the house and let Scully administer to her, feeling
his heart wrench out of him.
"Is she going to be all right?" he said, breathless himself just from
looking at how hard it was for her to breathe.
"I don't know." Scully said in her leave-me-alone-right-now voice.
He wandered off, unable to watch the deadly play before him.
He went into the bedroom and found Shannon's letter, made pretty just
for him.
It read:
'Dear Sir: (my Daddy always made me write that before I said thank you
for something I didn't like from my Aunt Bea after Christmas)
Please bring me my sister, Jennifer Leigh, for a present. You can do
that right? Then Jenny and me will be all right and she can make Angel
better.
I love you, Shannon (Daddy used to call me Shan. Is that enough for you
to know who I am?)'
Mulder felt his body buckle under the absolute beauty of the little girl
that could be dying right then, and her need for her little sister.
Her need to make something right for once.
How much that was him!
He wanted to make scully better too, but what could Jenny do?
Suddenly he got a horrible feeling that Shannon hadn't been somewhat out
of her head when she said that.
Maybe Jenny could make it all better.
Maybe Jenny was a Jeremiah Smith. . . 
~~~~@@@@~~~~
I have some trouble opening my eyes, but I can hear Angel calling me and
I finally get it right.
I smile at her and she smiles back, but she is crying.
"Did Mulder die?" I ask, because that is the only reason for adults to
cry.
She shook her head. "No honey. I just thought you were."
I throw my arms around her, hoping she will still love me even though I
ran away.
"I was very silly to run, wasn't I, Angel? That's what I did last time
and the Dragon got me. That wasn't smart to run, huh, Angel?"
She nodded wordlessly. I wanted her to tell me she still loved me.
"But I wasn't bad, Angel, was I?"
"Yes, you were bad, Shannon. You aren't supposed to run anyway because
you're sick."
I feel the edges of my vision cave in and I shake my head. The room
spins crazily and I can't breathe again. Angel's face tightens as she
sees this.
"Please, still love me. I'm sorry I was bad. I don't want to be bad.
Please love me."
I watch her face grow shocked, horrified and I wish I could take it
back. She hates me now. How could I even think or ask for her, Angel, to
love me? It's my fault she's not better. I didn't find Jenny.
"Oh, Shannon. I love you, hon. I will never stop loving you, no matter
how bad you are or what you've done." she says.
This doesn't make sense. If you're bad, if you're called bad, then
you're not good enough. You can't be loved.
"But I was bad?"
"Yes."
"No, I was bad. You're not supposed to love bad things. Bad girls don't
get love."
She starts to cry.
"Oh, God, no, Shannon. All little girls get love from me. Even bad ones.
Especially Shannon ones."
"Why are you crying if you love me, then?"
"Because it makes me very sad to think that you thought I didn't love
you."
"Don't cry Angel. I know now. I do. I promise."
She crushes me to her and I snake my arms around her neck, clinging
tightly.
"I love you Angel. Even when you're a bad girl too."
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Scully felt her words collide across her soul.
She had been very bad herself. Wanting Cancer Man alive only because she
might live if he did. Wanting things only for herself and ignoring
Mulder when she should have known it was hurting him just as much to
know the one connection to his sister might be gone forever.
Mulder came in and saw her crying and Shannon with fresh tear tracks and
kneeled down next to the couch, placing a hand on Scully's leg.
"You feel better Shannon?"
She nodded and turned to him. "Do you love me even though I was bad?"
Mulder laughed and her face crumpled.
"Oh, Jeez, I'm sorry, Shannon. I didn't mean that to hurt you. It's just
a funny question. Of course I love you. Being bad doesn't take that
away."
She flung herself into his arms, still in Scully's lap.
Her beautiful eyes looked straight into his and her long lashes hid
their color.
"Do you want a little girl?" she said softly, very serious and very
quiet.
"Yes, I would like a little girl." he said without hesitation.
"A little girl of your own?"
He nodded. 
"Can I be your little girl?"
He smiled. "Well, sure, for now."
"Then can Angel be your big girl?"
He frowned. "My big girl?"
"That's what Daddies call Mommies to be funny. And you're funny." she
said earnestly, circling her arms around his neck.
"Does Angel want to be a big girl?"
Scully looked straight at him, eyes daggers.
He grinned and smiled.
"Angel will you be my Mommy?" Shannon said.
Scully smiled, unable to say no when she really very much wanted to be
with that little girl.
<With Mulder?>
"Sure sweetie."
Mulder felt something within him start singing and dancing and he tried
vainly to reign it in.
"Stop gloating Mulder."
He laughed and it made the mood stop being so serious and everyone
laughed.
Shannon felt things dissolve.
"It's okay. You don't have to want a little girl."
She felt the walls close in, the traps spring on her and there was no
way out.
No more places to run.
"No. I do want a little girl, Shannon." Mulder said, his voice very
serious.
"Really?"
"I do too, Shannon."
She smiled. "You can share me." she beamed.
~~~~@@@@~~~~

end part seven
adios
RM


Title: Promise Me (8/?)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com<
SORRY--I found out that my email can still be addressed to this....
Disclaimer: M&S are the property of CC, 1013, and Fox.

Promise Me

Mulder snagged Scully as soon as he could, pulling her aside as Shannon
colored on butcher paper with magic markers.
"Scully, I want you to tell me what happened when you talked about being
bad. What did she do?"
Scully's forehead creased and she shook her head. "What do you mean,
what did she do?"
"What was her physical reaction?"
"Well, actually, she started having trouble breathing right when I said
she'd been bad, but I thought that was just coincidence."
Mulder shook his head grimly. "No, I don't think so. She's kind of
messed up in her thinking. Like bad girls not getting love. I think her
problems with breathing are psychosomatic."
Scully put up her hand to stop him from speaking anymore.
"Wait. What does that mean?"
"Psychosomatic? It means she takes the mental agony of a particular
subject and converts it into physical symptoms all unconsciously."
"Did she do that before?"
"Maybe. Probably not to this extent. It's a defense mechanism in most
cases, like here. And I think it was a defense against whatever went on
with Cancer Man in that Compound."
"Is it too late to help her?"
"Oh, no. Not at all. In fact it's probably a great time. I think she'll
stop once she's been assured and can trust in love again. But that will
only happen if she's in a stable enviornment. Going from foster home to
adoption agency will not ensure a stable home, though."
Scully frowned. "Mulder, I want to adopt her, but . . . "
Mulder sat at the desk, straddling the chair and making it easier for
her to talk.
She sat on the bed. "Mulder, a friend of mine works for the review
board, doing background checks and things like that. She told me it's
practically impossible for a single woman doing a dangerous often lethal
job to adopt. She said if there was someone else . . . wanting to adopt
with me, then there would be two people, and it was far more likely of
getting accepted."
Scully chewed on her lip until she realized what she was doing and tried
to project a calm rational look. He wouldn't agree unless he thought she
was doing it solely for Shannon.
"So, they'd look more favorably on a family, huh? Probably especially
favorable if that family knew her special needs and the background
behind her case, too."
<Family? Family had an odd taste . . . me and Mulder as a family with
Shannon as our little girl, like she wanted>
"Okay, then. We'll apply together, as soon as everything dies down, I
guess."
Scully sank to the bed and smiled tightly at him. "When *will* this all
be over?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. I think they'll always want her back.
How will we keep her from them?"
"And what really happened to her there? I mean she . . . and Jenny was a
hybrid I guess. What did they do to Shannon?"
The doubts swirled through her and she looked anxiously to the living
room where Shannon was. "I want her Mulder, but . . ."
"Yeah, but . . . "
They both knew it would be impossible to keep her safe and alive and
with them always; that the Consortium wanted her back or dead was a
given and they couldn't be with her watching her always.
But still they'd fight for her.
And probably end up hurt in the process.
Shannon came into the room then, holding up a picture for them to see.
"Look Mulder! I made it for you! It's got a tree and a little girl and
another girl and a boy all there with their presents in their hands.
It's Christmas!"
Mulder felt his hands shake as he took the paper from her. "Yeah, can
you tell me who everyone is, Shannon?"
She climbed into his lap and balanced on his knee, pointing out each
person as she explained.
"This is Angel, with the little gold halo and wings to make it real, and
then this is you, with the little Fox tail like your name, and this is
me, with my big smile because we're having a real family Christmas and
opening our presents." Shannon looked back at him and beamed, her smile
brighter than the one in the picture, and just as beautiful.
"A family Christmas, huh?"
She nodded and pressed the drawing into his hands.
He smiled with a sudden idea. "I know. Let's put it on the fridge so
everyone can see it."
Her smile, ir possible, got even wider and she hopped up and pulled him
along.
When they reached the fridge, Scully felt fear grip her. Shannon's lips
were blue and she was trying to hide her wheezing.
"Shanon!" she said as the girl closed her eyes for a moment to try to
get some breath.
"Shannon, come on, honey, open your mouth and breathe," Scully said,
taking her in her arms and holding her in the position that made it
easier for the lungs to pull out oxygen. "Open your mouth, breathe for
me, please, Shannon."
Shannons was turning blue and she gasped for her air, her lips fastened
tightly together and her nostrils flaring.
"I swear, Shannon, it's all right. Open your mouth."
Mulder was next to them, holding her hand and taking her cheek in his
hands. "Shannon, open your mouth, right now, or else you won't get
enough air. Come on."
Finally, when Scully thought she would have to let her pass out and then
perform CPR, she tsucked in a huge amount of air, her mouth opening and
her eyes glassy.
Scully hugged her and tried to push away her own tears.
Shannon was crying, finally able to breathe and move again. She clung to
Scully's neck and let herself be rocked back and forth.
Mulder stroked her head and let the curly wisps glide through his
fingers.
"It's okay now, babe. It's okay," Scully murmured.
Shannon snuffled into her shirt and pressed her cheek to Scully's
shoulder, feeling limp and exhausted.
"Honey, why didn't you breathe in through your mouth?"
"Because it's dirty," she said listlessly.
"What's dirty?"
"The air. My nose has to clean it. Dragon said it was dangerous to
breathe through your mouth because you weren't cleaning it out."
Scully wanted to laugh, but felt to shaken to even try.
"Well, let's just forget everything Dragon has said about that, okay?
When you can't breathe like that, open your mouth. It won't hurt you
even if you breathed like that until you were a hundred."
"It won't?"
"Nope." Scully smiled and let Shannon close her eyes.
She stood and headed for the living room again, holding Shannon in her
arms, swaying back and forth.
Soon the rythmic movements lulled her to sleep. A deeply needed sleep.
"Mulder, I don't know about it being psychosomatic anymore. That
happened because she was excited and overexerting herself."
"Isn't excitement, emotion?"
She sighed. "I think it's more than that, though, Mulder."
He nodded. "It could be. You're right."
Scully sat down on the couch and cradled Shannon's body. Mulder came to
sit beside them, his body close to hers so that he could touch Shannon.
"Want me to take her?" he said softly.
Scully didn't, but she nodded anyway, glad that Mulder was being so
careful, so sensitive.
He gently took Shannon in his arms and postioned her in his lap, her
long body fitting into his lanky frame. Scully snuggled up next to him,
her arm sneaking around his middle and her head resting on his shoulder.
Mulder was surprised, but he like the sensation of their combined warmth
and family.
He hoped it wouldn't end.
"Scully, I think we're going to end up spending Christmas here."
She felt revulsion sweep through her and she had to make an effort to
stay there. She didn't want Christmas in this unknown place, without her
family.
She could be dead by next Christmas. One last Christmas and she couldn't
be with them.
"I want to give Shannon a huge Christmas," he said softly.
Scully felt ashamed. Here she'd been thinking only of what she wanted
that holiday and Mulder was thinking of Shannon.
But, also, Mulder didn't really have a family.
"I want her to have a family for Christmas. With us, her family."
Scully sighed softly and looked away from him. She didn't know why she
had even asked for them to apply together. It wouldn't work. She wanted
her family . . . not this thrown together smattering of dysfunctionals.
"Scully, maybe we could get a big tree in here for her on Christmas Eve
while she's asleep. Then when she gets up, there it will be, with all
her presents."
Scully felt her disappointment slide away with his eagerness and
excitement.
"Mulder, I have a good idea. She wants a family, right? So why don't we
give her one?"
Mulder felt his insides flip and his hands tingling. <Give her one?>
"Do you think we could get my mother down here? And maybe my brother,
Charlie with his wife. No nieces or nephews, so it'd be solely her day.
Don't you think she'd love having everyone around, cuddling her?"
His smile grew and he laughed softly. "Imagine your mother, Shannon in
her lap and a smile at having a granddaughter for a day."
Scully smiled, glad he had taken to the idea, even though it was selfish
of her. But she seriously thought Shannon would enjoy it.
Mulder looked over to her and stroked her cheek.
"And you could be with your family." he said softly, showing her he knew
the real reason the idea came up.
She ducked her head shamefully. "I'm sorry. I just wanted my family, too
I guess. If Shannon can want that . . . I can too, right?"
Mulder pulled her back against him. "Of course. And I really do think
it'd be a great idea. More people to help us wrap the night before."
She sighed. "A very selfish idea, even then."
He smiled. "Oh well. I never said my idea wasn't slefish. I'd love to
have a huge Christmas. Like before."
<Before Sam was gone? Was that what he meant?>
"Okay, so why are you still sitting here? Get up. Call your mom and tell
her she has a granddaughter and then tell this supposedly existing
brother of yours to come too." he said, pushing her.
She laughed and shook her head.
"Oh, wait," he replied, pulling her back down. "Let me call your mom.
It'll be great for me to tell her she has a grandchild."
"Mulder! You'd better not mess with my mother!"
He just laughed and carefully stood, taking Shannon into her bedroom and
laying her down to sleep.
Christmas was going to be great.
Even if they were stuck there.
~~~~

end part eight
adios
RM


Title: Promise Me (9/10)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com<
Disclaimer: M&S do not belong to me. Shannon does.

Promise Me

Her mother, arriving after three airplane switches and two long drives
and then a train, went immediately to Scully's abdicated room to sleep
and get her strength back. Shannon was asleep and Margaret Scully was
still in the dark due to Mulder's odd call, but she was very glad to be
there.
And grateful for the look of happiness on her daughter's face.
Her brother and his wife, after thirteeen plane changings, three drives
and endless little detours which they both found incredibly amusing,
arrived with smiles and gifts for everyone, even Shannon and Mulder.
They however, were not tired, and when Shannon woke up, they met her
right away.
Shannon's sleepy eyes were wide and she looked at them distrsutfully.
"Shannon, honey, come here and meet my brother Charlie. And this is his
wife Joy."
Shannon wrinkled her nose. "Joy. Like the dish soap?"
Joy laughed and gathered her closer. "Yup, hon, like the soap. Is that
all right with you?"
Shannon smiled shyly and nodded, realizing how that might have sounded.
"It's better than Shannon. Shannon can also be a *boy's* name." she said
ominously.
Joy nodded. "But I think it's prettier for a girl, don't you?"
Shannon smiled and nodded.
Charles came up to her and said, "So are you excited about Christmas?"
Shannon wondered how to answer. Like she used to have to answer in the
Compound, or the truth.
"If I say yes will you take my presents away?" she asked worriedly.
Scully gathered her up in her arms. "Of course not. We will be very
happy that you're excited."
She looked releived. "I'm very very excited. I can't wait!"
She grinned and snuggled into Dana's arms.
Joy tousled the blond curls and smiled. "She's a doll, Dana."
Dana felt an odd sense of pride at the compliment and then when Mulder
sat beside her, playing with Shannon's nose, she felt an odd sense of
wholeness.
"In a minute, I'll make us all hot chocolate," Charlie said, rubbing his
hands together.
Shannon jerked at the sight and hid her eyes.
Mulder frowned.
Fear by association.
"It's all right, Shannon. Nothing to be afraid of. You want some hot
chocolate, don't you?" Mulder said softly.
She nodded and said weakly, sadly, "Unh-huh."
"OKay then, open your eyes and look at people all right?"
"Unh-huh."
She opened her tightly squeezed eyes and looked at Charlie, then seemed
to relax.
"Can I call you my uncle?" she asked softly.
Charlie's eyes creased into smiles.
"Of course, love. And this can be your aunt."
She smiled. "I never had an aunt or uncle before."
"Have you ever had a grandmother?" Mrs. Scully asked, coming into the
living room from the bedroom where she had just awoken.
Shannon screwed up her face. "I don't know." she said, sounding
surprised.
"Well how about having one now?"
"I can call you my grandmother?"
"Or something shorter, to make it easier, hon."
"Hmm . . . anything I want?" 
Shannon leaned close to Scully, whispering. "What should I call her
Angel?"
Margaret Scully's eyes jumped and she came to sit on the couch.
"Whatever you want, Shan."
Shannon slid her eyes back to the woman sitting across from her.
"Can I sit in your lap for now, until I decide?"
Mrs. Scully nodded and accepted the girl into her arms.
"I think I'll say 'Gramma' when I mean you, okay?" she said finally.
'Gramma' laughed. "Sure hon. Gramma it is."
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Uncle Charlie made me nervous at first, but later today we are playing
good together with my dolls and he makes them have funny voices.
"Unca Charlie?" I say, knocking on the door to his pretens house.
"Who's there?" he says, in his big giant voice.
"Oh, please, *please* let me in. It's Marilyn and I'm dreadfully cold."
"Well, Marilyn, dreadfully is a big word for a little doll girl. You
must really be cold. Come on in."
I giggle as he says this and walk my doll with the red hair like Angel's
into the pretend house.
"Okay," I say whispering, "I'm going to pretend I'm sick and you take
care of me."
He winks and I say, "Oh, I'm dreafully sick."
I giggle as I say dreadfully. It *is* a big word and hard to say when
you're laughing.
"Oh, poor, dreadful thing!"
I giggle again.
"You must have a dreadful illness. It must make you dreafully sick. I'll
get some dreadful medicine before you dreadfully waste away, Marilyn."
I'm laughing too hard to say my part, but I manage to choke it out.
"Yes, I'm - I'm *dreadfully* sick."
"Oh, lie down, before it gets anymore dreadful and we'll have to call
the dreaful doctor."
Thinking of a dreadful doctor makes me laugh until I am on the floor,
rolling and feeling my stomach clench and tighten and the air rush away
as the laughter does.
But now, I want to stop and all I can think about is *dreadful* and I
laugh and laugh and gasp for air.
He laughs and watches me laugh but soon it's not funny anymore.
I can't breathe.
I open my mouth like Angel said, but that isn't helping.
Please, please, Uncle Charlie......
I gasp, sucking in, but it's not getting anywhere. Marilyn is lying
beside me, her cold glass eyes staring at me as I die.
Please, please, Unlce Charlie.
At the terror on my face, the tears on my cheeks, he rolls me on my
back, sees my heaving chest.
"Dana!" he screams.
"Dana!"
My gasps. 
"Dana! She can't breathe!"
My seeing leaving.
"Dana!"
I can't - can't - can't
"DANA!"
I feel him pick me up and he races into the living room. I hear
Christmas music loud in my ears and Uncle Charlie trying to save me, to
rescue me.
I feel darkness and faint Christmas music and smell food, and feel
Daddy's arms.
I can't breathe.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
"Why is this happening? Why is she not getting better? We got the asthma
medicine and everything else. But this is the fourth attack today."
Mulder fumed, pacing back and forth in the kitchen while Scully
ministered to the unconscious form of a little girl who had called him
daddy for the first few seconds of consciouness before passing out
again.
Charlie looked at the floor. "I'm sorry, Mulder. It's my fault. I was
playing with her and she started laughing and then couldn't catch her
breath . . "
Mulder shook his head. "No, it's not your fault. It's almost coming
regularly. It happened once today while she was taking a nap!"
Mulder stopped pacing and walked out to the living room, leaving Charles
and Joy in the kitchen.
Margaret Scully was holding Shannon and stroking the hair from her
sweaty face.
Scully was taking her temperature.
He squatted down beside her and shook his head.
"What's happening to her, Scully?"
Scully turned to him, and he saw tears in her eyes.
"I don't know Mulder, but it isn't right. She didn't have the kind of
injuries to make this a symptom."
Mulder sighed. He felt hopeless against whatever his aopted girl was
facing.
"I'm going to do a blood check. It's possible they made her deficient in
some mineral or something to exert some amount of control."
Mulder smiled. "Like they did with the dinosaurs in 'Jurassic Park'. No
lysine?"
She smiled sadly. "That could be it."
Mulder looked over at Shannon. Her face still looked pale, withdrawn,
and he wanted to take her in his arms and keep her from all the pain she
had suffered.
He still felt it was psychosomatic.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
I wake this time to find I am still alive and in Gramma's arms, her eyes
closed and seemingly alseep.
"Gramma?" I try to whisper but my throat feels so raw it sounds scratchy
coming out and it's louder than I mean it to be.
She startles and opens her eyes.
"Well, hello sleepyhead."
I smile and start to get up, but she lowers me back.
"Honey, Dana wants you to rest."
It takes me a moment to remember that Dana is Angel and I nod, lying
back.
Gramma makes faces on my skin with her finger, painting pretend spots
for a doggy face and tears for a sad clown. The rhythmic movement of her
finger gliding across my face makes me sleepy and I let myslef doz off.
"Shannon?"
My eyes pop open.
"Mulder!"
He smiles and sits down. "I'll take her now, if you'd like to get some
sleep, Mrs. Scully."
"No, she's Gramma, Mulder."
He nods. "Gramma. Go on."
I am shifted over to his lap and I feel more comfortable here. His body
is longer and warmer and I fit right into it.
Gramma gives me a kiss good night and leaves.
I feel sleepy again.
I panic.
What if this is like with Dragon? He made me go to sleep so they could
do things . . . what if he's here, waiting and -
"Relax, Shannon. You're safe."
I shiver.
"Okay, sweetie. You know it's all right. You know I'm not going to let
anything hurt you, babe."
I nod but still, still, I feel the Dragon.
He pulls me right up close to him, so that my face is pressed against
his chest. "Nothing can hurt you."
I nod but I feel my lungs closing off again.
I whimper and he pulls away to see me.
"No, no. Not again, not so soon. Come on, breathe, sweetie. You're safe
and warm and I love you and I want to be your Daddy and Angel wants to
be your Mommy, okay?"
I shiver again and can't stop the shivering.
"You've got Christmas tomorrow, hon. Think about that. Think about you
and Uncle Charlie playing dolls and Gramma making faces for you."
I shiver and feel no more air.
I suck in some, and I get it in just in time.
Sucking and breathing hard and shivering, I can't stop.
He calls for Angel.
Please, please, Angel . . .
"Think about me holding you and making you feel safe and the locks on
the doors that keep mean people out-"
< converstaions again - 'yeah we can get in there' - >(dragons)
"- and Angel singing to you at bedtime -"
< 'and down will fall baby, cradle and all' >(mommy)
"- and me letting you ride on my shoulders -"
< 'get up here, Shan, I'll let you ride ->(daddy)
"- and having a real family -"
< dragons dragons dragons dragons dragons dragons dragons dragons dra>
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Scully sat in the room, her eyes drawn into shades of grief, her hands
holding up her head.
Mulder walked in, eyeing her and the still form in the bed, breathing
through a mask, and then took Scully in his arms.
"She's not going to get better, Mulder. They did something to her. The
blood levels are all screwed up. I can't even begin to figure out what
they mean."
Mulder pulled her closer into him, ready for the moment when she would
let go of the reporting and and let go of the tears she struggled to
keep in.
Then she fell against him.
She would not cry though.
"I guess I knew somehow this would happen."
He felt his chest tighten in anger. "What?" he whispered.
"That this was too good. That we'd either lose her to this, or to
adoption."
He struggled not to rant and rave over the cruelty of it.
"I just want her to have Christmas . . ." she murmured.
He nodded. "I do too."
~~~~

end part nine
adios
RM


Title: Promise Me (10/10)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcsations.com<
Disclaimer: M&S belong to Fox. Shannon, to me.

Promise Me

I wake up and find Angel right there with me, but alseep and I take off
the funny thing in front of my face and feel a little hitch but then I'm
all right.
"Angel?"
She jerks and wakes and looks at me.
"Is it Christmas yet?"
She smiles and looks at the clock.
"Shannon, it's six in the morning!"
"But is it Christmas?"
She nods and I try to jump out of bed, but my muslces are sluggish and I
stumble instead, falling to the floor.
But Angel catches me.
I smile shyly and clutch her, feeling kind of bruised and weak.
"I am kind of funny feeling."
She nods and smiles. "I know hon. It's because of the other night."
I let her carry me to the other bedroom and see Mulder approaching. He
takes me and kisses my forehead; I kiss his nose.
"Hey, glad to see you hon."
I hold on to his neck and press my hot cheek to his cool one. It feels
good.
"Let's go wake my mom," Angel says and we sneak into the bedroom.
Charlie and Joy are up, talking with Gramma and looking excited.
As we come in, Gramma smiles and holds out her arms to hug and kiss me.
"Well don't you look adorable," she says.
"Of course I do." I say giving her an eskimo kiss, something she taught
me.
"Should we go see what Santa brought?" Angel says.
"Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!"
~~~~@@@@~~~~
Mulder liked watching Shannon tear into the presents, her weakness
forgotten and her life back.
She got dolls and coloring books and a huge box of 96 crayons that she
exclaimed over constantly.
She also got a new sweatshirt with a big flower on it and a stuffed dog
from Charlie and Joy.
But she liked one of Mulder and Scully's presents best of all.
A stuffed bunny rabbit that was bigger than her.
She liked to hug it and rest her head against its pooching stomach when
she got very tired.
And when all the presents had been opened and everything was thoroughly
examined, they had Christmas cookies with egg nog and talked, Shannon
sitting in between Mulder and Scully and her rabbit on the floor in
front of her.
~~~~
They put her to bed that night togther, Scully thanking God for giving
them a worry free good day.
She said her prayers and then closed her eyes.
But her mind was still going. "I love you Angel and I love you Mulder,"
she said, her voice very quiet in the dark.
"I love you too," they said, at the same time.
"Promise me we'll be a family, always."
"Oh, of course, Shannon." Scully said, sitting beside her.
"I promise Shannon." Mulder said.
Her eyes popped open. "Will you kiss Angel?"
Mulder was startled but he grinned.
He started for Scully.
She gave him a warning look and he ended up giving her a small peck.
~~~~
The next morning they came in togther, laughing and ready for another
happy day.
They found Shannon on the bed, the bedclothes thrown off and her body
flushed and sweaty.
Twenty minutes later, she had died.
Gone on to be with the real angels.

end
adios
RM

From msspookey@aol.com Mon Dec 29 01:03:50 1997
Subject: Promise Me: Those Twenty Minutes (11/10)
From: msspookey@aol.com (Ms Spookey)
Date: 29 Dec 1997 06:03:50 GMT

This story is being forwarded to AXTC on behalf of the author from
XFCreative. Please send comments via e-mail to <lbontger@wmcstations.com>
For information about XFCreative, visit our website at
http://www.slip.net/~takakin0/xfc.htm
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Title: Promise Me: Those Twenty Minutes: (11/10)
Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com<
Disclaimer: Character death. M&S do not belong to me.
Sorry I cut her death short. This is what happened.

Those Twenty Minutes

Scully found her writhing on the bed, flushed face screwed into a mask
of agony and hands clenching the bedspread.
Scully moved away the sheets and blankets and touched the child's
forehead. It felt as if she had placed her hand on a heated iron; she
quickly moved her hand away.
"Mulder, go get some washcloths and run warm water on them, please." she
said, but she wasn't asking and he wasn't questioning.
Scully slid her back to the center of the bed, afraid her jerky
movements would cause her to fall off, and cradled the poor girl's body
in her arms.
This could not be happening now. Not after the beautiful Christmas and
the health she had displayed.
Scully prayed she would continue breathing.
Mulder returned and handed her two damp cloths, keeping two for himself
and they started to bather her in the warmth. Hopefully it would be
enough of a temperature change to bring her fever down without sending
her body into shock.
But then Shannon started to shiver uncontrollably.
"Okay, stop, Mulder. We can't do that anymore."
Scully clutched her tightly, as if holding on to her life even as it was
slipping away.
She thought frantically, her eyes roving wildly as her mind clicked
along, looking like she herself was going into seziures.
"Scully?"
Her panicked eyes looked back into his.
"Scully." he said sharply.
"I can't help her Mulder. I can't help her. She's dying . . . "
Mulder's blood slushed to an icy crawl and he felt his body tremble all
over.
He crawled onto the bed next to her.
"What do you mean? There's got to be some kind of medicine we can give
her, something-"
"She's dying! Accept it Mulder!"
"I may accept it," he snarled. "But I will never give up!"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
Her face was ashy, her body trembling in time to Shannon's shivers.
"It means I'm sick of your death knell every morning and every night.
Why do you give up when we haven't even began to look for the truth?!"
Her eyes widened in barely contained horror, or fear he wasn't sure
which.
"The truth? The truth?! You think words and sentences are going to save
me Mulder. Don't you know how idiotic you sound? Can't you hear how
ridiculous you are? The truth . . . damn you Mulder, the truth is
nothing."
She held Shannon to her chest and sobbed, the tears of many anguishes
dropping from her steely eyes to her quiet cheeks and down to the pale
and drawn face of the little girl that had put hope and love back into
her life. The little girl that would die because she could not save her.
Die because she had not helped her when she should have, a long time
ago.
Mulder did not move.
Did not speak.
Did not think.
Shannon.
Only Shannon. Shut out everything else and focus.
Shannon.
He gingerly reached out and let his trembling fingers touch the smooth
and sweaty forehead, the golden wisps of bangs, the shut eyes.
"Oh God," tore through him and he clutched the bed, turnign his head to
hide the tears of shame and loss before she could see them.
He was losing his little girl.
~~~~@@@@~~~~
I open my eyes to see Angel and she looks like all the angels I have
ever see on the pretty Christmas cards in the nice stores, with hair
shining and eyes shining and some kind of revelation on her face.
I twist in her arms and her breath sucks in very quickly like those
times you fall down too hard and all the wind gets wooshed away.
I raise my hand and touch her cool cheek, feel the tears and frown.
Why does Angel cry?
Because she loves me . . .
Love is cool and red hair and blue eyes and a tall man and a short woman
who look after me and color with me and never say that I'm too stupid to
help, to dumb to understand.
I smile and rest my cheek against her stomach, cold relief to the
throbbing, throbbing, throbbing of blood through my veins and around my
body and into my toes and fingers like an electric toy train gone wild.
"Shannon,"
It is him and I turn slightly to see my Mulder, his eyes just as
troubled and teary but quaking more underneath, where silent volcanoes
lie disturbed and ready to erupt.
He holds his hand out to me and I grasp it, suddenly afraid and not
wanting to leave.
"Don't make me go," I plead and Angel sobs once and bows her head.
Please, please pray to that God that never helped me until Mulder and
Angel found me and ask him if he will let me stay just a little bit
longer.
Please.
Mulder pries her hands from me and takes me up into his warm warm arms
and holds me very close until I think I will melt right into him, my
body is so hot and ready to evaporate.
I cling to him, holding on because Mommy always said to hold tight or
I'd fall off.
I don't want to fall off living. I want to stay for just a little bit
longer.
"Please."
"Oh, Shannon, I'm right here, right here."
I nod and stay tightly coccooned within his arms.
Angel strokes my hair and kisses my head until I breathe out but don't
breathe back in.
I can't breathe back in.
Let me stay please, breathe back in, back in, back, please, stay
back....
~~~~@@@@~~~~
"Oh God, Scully, she can't breathe."
"Lay her down."
Terse, quick, her words tinged with the bitterness of his earlier
proclamation.
Shannon was laid down on the bed once more and Scully began mouth to
mouth, allowing Mulder to press down for every five breaths.
Mulder was very careful, trying not to bruise her, or hurt her or-
"Mulder, you'd better do it right, or else we won't have her."
He began his part furiously, slamming breath into her with every lunge
down, his tears slamming into her with every lunge down.
She did not come back.
Scully stopped and he stopped and she lay there, untouched and blue and
not at all like he wanted to remember her.
They stared.
And stared.
And she felt her chest tighten and ache to think of Shannon, yesterday
with Christmas and the warmth and the love and the family.
They were a family.
And without her, they were nothing.
But Mulder turned to her and reached out his arms and pulled her into
him before she could move, either away or to him.
And they stayed locked together, not crying, not moving, not speaknig,
just being.
Being a family and being the last of Shannon.


is that better?
see that's why I just said she died.
adios
RM