Overweighted
Chapter Twenty-One
By RocketMan

Warning: This part gets a little sad.

~~~~~
"she blames him, at the last, for
backing away from his bones
and his woman, from the life
he promised her was worth
cold sheets. she blames him
for being unable to see
the tears in her eyes, the birds
hovered by the window, for love being
not enough, for leaving.

he blames her, at the last, for
holding him back with her eyes
beyond when the pain was more
than he was prepared to bear,
for the tears he could neither
end nor ignore, for believing
that love could be enough,
for the birds, for the life
so difficult to leave."
--'man and wife' Lucille Clifton
~~~~~

He woke and there was light.

And it was not good.

It coursed through him like waves of pain, and fried the insides of his
body with small burns that leaked him of thought.

He pretended it did not hurt, that this was nothing; he pretended the men
didn't ask things that he could answer, and he pretended that he was not
afraid.

The light surged.

He closed his eyes and pretended no more.

~~~~~

She woke and there was light.

Oh, God, not again.

Too much, too much and it was everywhere, in her, all over her, inside her
womb growing with diamonds patterns like she was precious gemstones and
everything was fire.

She closed her eyes and thought no more.

~~~~~

I come awake and see nothing, hear nothing.

That is blessed relief.

My ocean claims me as the heat does, and the two battle for control.

Heat and boiling ocean, and pain and nothing.

Still, the water is larger and it sucks me into its coolness.

I gladly close my eyes and think no more.

~~~~~

When her eyes opened again, she could see the whiteness of the after room.

It made her afraid and she looked first for Helen.

Seeing her little girl, soulless on the table, made her retch and she
vomited on the floor of the white after room, the sickness that of her
soul remembering.

She scrambled to her feet and gathered her child into her arms.

Helen had cut off again, pulled down deep inside her, let the world go on
without her.

Scully took her back to her own bed, cradling the child with her arms even
as her muscles shook. She knew what had happened, knew now the horrible
fate for her little girl.

This was the *after* room.

After the treatment, after the harvesting, after the pain.

After the chip, the implants that would control her life, or kill her with
cancer.

Scully bit back a sob and buried her face into her daughter's blonde
curls.

She had told Mulder to run.

Why couldn't he listen for once?

He had played the hero and now, now their little girl was doomed.

~~~~~

The light surged within him and great waves of pleasure-pain buffeted his
senses and his prone body like electric shocks.

Writhing in this effect, his body trapped between ecstasy and agony,
Mulder felt the shame as his seed spilled from him in tides of current,
like erupting geysers.

The light surged and came with him, drove him higher and further, creating
a never ending arc of pain-pleasure that stretched him so taut that he
shut down.

He exploded again and again and still, it did not stop.

His only thought, the one thing that his fractured mind could grasp was
her.

Scully.

Three months of this for her.

Three months.

He sobbed into unconsciousness.

~~~~~

Scully woke to feel warmth, body warmth and not the electric heat of the
white light.

The after room was gone and Helen was gone and there was only one body
next to hers.

It was Mulder.

He was not breathing.

She jerked out of her half sleep and pulled him to her mouth, forcing
breaths into a system that simply had no energy to live.

She felt her bitterness disolve at the thought of really, really losing
him this time.

There was nothing in him to respond.

He had no life.

It had spilled from him in long, unending waves of pain, never to be
restored again.

She sobbed and continued, not willing to give up, determined not to let
him leave her this time.

She had demanded it before, now she recanted.

Not now. Not this time.

~~~~~

I can see light and it is sweet.

It tells me to open my eyes.

It calls me Little One and it says nice things.

It sounds like my mother.

I don't want to come up for air yet.

It's too nice down here. Quiet and dark with no fear or thoughts to make
me tired.

Peaceful.

It is a peace that passes all understanding.

It is home.

~~~~~

When his mind came back, he felt things only barely, as if he were wading
in a thick pool of brine.

He could not open his eyes.

It took all his efforts to keep breathing.

He felt her near him, felt her body pressed close and was afraid.

There was no stirring in him for her. No primal urgency surging through
him.

There was nothing but an impression of pain and a faint, faint light.

Love.

There was warming love.

And he was so so tired.

~~~~~

Scully let herself slump against him when his body began to breathe, her
relief a bitter taste on her tongue.

She closed her eyes and placed one hand on his heart, afraid that if she
laid on his chest, it would collapse and he would not be able to breathe.

If his heart stopped, she would know immediately, and his breath came out
right on her arm, and so she would be able to keep him alive.

Keep him alive.

He had fallen into a deep, energy restoring sleep.

To keep him alive.

She closed her eyes and tried not to think.

~~~~~

This time, when he woke, he could smile.

He smiled and then went limp, every ounce of energy exhausted.

He hoped she had seen his smile.

It had been for her.

~~~~~

Watching him sleep, she realized what it reminded her of.

After.

It reminded her of after they made love.

She tilted her head and eyed him better, watching the flush of red across
his cheeks, the deep, deep breathing and the entirely slack muscles.

She frowned and ran her fingers along his inner thigh, trying to gather
more information.

She was surprised when there was nothing. No stirring, no shift in
position, nothing.

So . . . that couldn't be it. He was usually so . . . responsive
afterwards.

His eyes fluttered and he groaned deeply, causing a flush to rise in
her, because for all intents and purposes, he was acting like the
morning after.

He reflectively pulled her into him and snuggled deeper into sleep.

She bit her lip and kissed his forehead.

What had they done to him?

~~~~~

I feel the soft white light like mother fall deeper into me.

I open my mind, come back to them.

It is not my mother.

I don't understand.

Where is my mother?

She was supposed to be here.

Where's Mommy? Where's my mom?

MOMMY!!!

~~~~~

Scully jerked up, feeling as if a cannon had exploded in her head.

She took in rapid, deep breaths and glanced around.

Helen.

It was Helen.

She shook Mulder, pulled him from his deep, needed sleep.

"Mulder!"

He turned over, back down into sleep.

She stood up and blinked, willing Helen to open up to her again.

There was just silence.

And then the silent, soft murmuring of a child, repeating over and over,
"mommy, mommy."

She trembled and ran forward, only to be swallowed in the blinding light.

~~~~~

When she came to, there was Helen, curled in a corner, trembling and
signig 'mother' with her hands as her mouth sputtered animal noises.

It made Scully sick and she crawled forward, gathering Helen into her
arms.

Her touch brought Helen back from the panic and she relaxed, letting her
cheek fall to her mother's chest.

Scully stood awkwardly, then looked around.

Surprised, she found herself still with Mulder too.

Walking unsteadily, she managed to get back to Mulder and carry Helen with
her.

Mulder's eyes fluttered and he licked his lips before coming awake
completely.

"Sc-Scully? I . . . oh . . . crap . . ."

She laughed softly, more from dizzying relief than anything else.

"What . . . Helen?"

"She's right here. Right here."

"Okay?"

Scully didn't know to respond to that, didn't know what to say.

"I don't know. They . . . they took her. The light and . . ."

Mulder swallowed and coughed at her admissions, wincing.

"Ah . . . Scully . . ."

"I think something happened to you, Mulder. I don't know what, but don't
try to do much. You're exhausted."

He gave her a shameful chuckle. "Ah . . . yeah. They uh . . . took a
donation."

"What?"

His eyes flickered open and the shine in his eyes shocked her.

"A sample. Except it was more like the entire supply."

She stared at him for a moment and then glanced to Helen.

Their little girl was curling up into Mulder, her small head nestling into
his shoulder as he dragged his arm around her.

Her mind comprehended what he said but she couldn't seem to face it.

"O-okay."

Mulder closed his eyes again and concentrated on breathing.

She slid in close to him. "I never made you this exhausted." she said
suddenly.

He gave a half snort of laughter to dismiss her lingering fears.

"I'm very glad. You tired me out, but I could always come back around,
Scully. I can't even lift my finger, let alone anything else. How's that
good?"

She pressed her face into his neck. "As soon as you're okay . . . we're
getting out of here."

He licked his lips and patted her head with a heavy hand.

"Ok. Ok."

She felt him fall back into sleep.

~~~~~
end chapter
adios
RM