Insomnia By RocketMan lebontrager@harding.edu Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No fringe is intended. Content: MS/UST,V Timeline: SPOILERS for The Movie. ~~~~~ Insomnia ~~~~~ She stared at the smooth finish of the wall for a long time, then turned over and repeated the process with the other wall, attempting to memorize every curve and every nick and every wash of paint against its surface. Her legs kicked at the blankets after a moment, pushing them off her bed and onto the floor, sweating through her thin night shirt. The shadows shifted suddenly as a car sped down her street, the head lights causing the walls to flare in a moment of bright clarity. She turned back to the other side, the top sheet twisting around her frame. Sighing, she shut her eyes and breathed in the clean scent of freshly washed linen and a cool pillow. drip. The sink faucet hadn't been turned off all the way. . . creak. The apartment building shied in the wind. . . swish. Her legs scissored under the sheet. Blowing out a long breath, Scully rose from her bed and began pacing, striding from the window to her door and back. After a few minutes, she jerked open her door and slipped quietly through her home, the dark shadows reaching out to soothe and caress her weary body. She grabbed a throw pillow and slumped into her couch, staring at the walls, their new facets and colors and exteriors making her drowsy. She closed her eyes, let her head fall to the arm of the couch, settled deep into its embrace. She heard every movement, every false sound, every whisper that echoed through the building, and none of it would let her sleep. Groaning with the unfairness of it, she yanked herself from the couch and tore back to her room, forgetting any hope of falling asleep anytime soon. She rummaged through her drawers, pulling out running shorts and a T-shirt, then her sports bra and socks. Scully sat at the end of her traitorous bed and yanked on her clothes, angry with her inability to fall asleep, exhausted after everything she had faced that day. Another round of defending herself and her beliefs to Mulder, another day of trying to put everything behind them permanently. He obviously wanted to forget it all, forget what had happened in his hallway months ago. She kept having the horrible thought that he had tried to seduce her, tried to sway her into staying by his side with the power of his hold over her heart. Or maybe he had never really noticed and maybe he thought it was fate that they should be interrupted by the shadow government's plots. She could think like this all night and never find peace. He had tried to seduce her. That's what it came down to. She was leaving and he had done the only thing he knew how, run after her and turned on his unfailing charm; he had said whatever came to him and she had gone along with him. She was still going along with him. Her heart, her life, her soul was twisted among his own quest, tied to his so tightly that she could never give it up. He hadn't understood quite what she'd been telling him. She had quit so that they wouldn't send her away from him. If she quit, she could stay with him, she was still in the city. But he had thought she would never never be around. So maybe he did need her, but only in a professional way. Only to keep him grounded in reality, to keep his thoughts and motives pure, to reel him in, save him from himself. This was a noble thing, and she did it willingly, but she wanted more than this. He had seduced her. He had saved her. He had pushed her away from him. She was angry at her own softness, her weak willed spirit that slipped back to him whenever he reached out. Jumping up, she dashed from her bedroom, then out the front door, running hard into the night and forever, ignoring all the voices in her that said this was dangerous. This was dangerous, but so was loving a selfish man. ~~~~~ It was odd because she had taken a cab at first, let it drop her off in the neighborhood, then paid with the twenty she had on her. It was all her money and she wondered how she would get back to her apartment now. After the cab, she had ignored everything around her and pounded the pavement with her feet, slapped it hard and quickly as she raced through the streets, thinking only of the in and out of her breath. Her lungs ached, felt like a rib had slashed the soft tissue and ripped into it every time she breathed. A stitch in her side cramped violently and she stopped, gasping, bending over in the sidewalk to relieve the tight pain. A breath stole through her and shredded her last resolve. Her tears slipped free and she sobbed once, needing air and hating that it hurt so much. She wanted to fall asleep, she craved that darkness, but even still, nervous energy captured her. She slumped to the ground, her face falling into her arms, fingers angrily wiping the tears from her eyes. Taking in a deeper breath, she waited for the cramp, but found she could move again. Standing, she looked up, wondering where she was. Mulder. She was standing right in front of his apartment, and his living room light was on, a soft dim glow that called out to her. She walked up his stairs in a daze, wondering at what had put her there, right in front of the last place she wanted to be, and the only place she needed to be. She was sweaty and breathing quickly, her hair was wild because she had forgotten to pull it back; the pieces got into her mouth now and she spit them out. Pausing for just a moment, she knocked on his door, praying he was up, just as wretched as her. The door opened and sleepy eyes greeted her, his body looking as if it had recently been unfolded from his couch. "Were you asleep?" she said softly, frowning. He nodded but grabbed her arm before she could even turn around to leave. "Are you okay, Scully?" "I ran." He nodded, but his eyebrows lifted as he took in her appearance "The whole way?" She shook her head. "I got in a cab at first. Then I ran." "You ran here?" He pushed her across the floor. She felt exhausted. "I meant to run back. . .I couldn't sleep." "Guess you went the wrong way," he said softly, hiding a laugh with a smile. The couch was warm when he pushed her into it and she knew he'd been asleep there, finding no problems in his own slumber. He was still standing. "Want some water?" She shook her head. He sat down. It seemed very odd now, yet not at all, as if this was meant a long time ago to happen, in just this way. She wanted to fall asleep now, to dream in his couch about his almost kiss and never wake up again. He reached out and took her hand, tracing the edges of her fingerprints with his thumbnail. "Couldn't sleep?" he said suddenly, and she remembered that he was the expert on insomnia. She nodded, and he noticed the way her eyes were slipping shut, then flying back open. "Tired now?" She nodded again and turned to him, her sleepy eyes and relaxed lips burning into his mind. He reached out and took the side of her face in his hand, smoothing the wild hair along her cheek. She sighed into his touch and, after a gentle tug of his fingers, fell into his lap. The dark outside creeped inside his living room, only to be batted away by the faint light from the lamp on his desk, and it was warmer than her own bedroom. She curled her fingers around his sweat pants and took in deep breaths, finally able to relax. His fingers slipped along her jawline, light and feathery, like soft jazz in the evening. She turned her head deeper into him, then sighed and sat up again. "I should let you go back to sleep," she said softly. "Yes, maybe so." He pushed his legs behind her, against the cushions, then laid back in the couch, pulling her down beside him. She barely fit, and her head rested on his chest, but he smiled and laid his hand on her back, a heavy reminder. She stopped breathing, waiting. "Mulder?" she asked, hesitant to say anything. "I'm right here, Scully. Sleep now." As if she needed his permission. She found she did though. "Thank you." He tightened his arms around her and softly kissed her ear with tender lips. Then his lips twitched at the side of her face, moved up to her forehead, brushed her nose. Her eyes opened and she looked at him for a long moment. He eased closer and tasted her chin, letting his lips drag along her throat with an animal noise growling from his chest. She moved against him, tightened her arms around him, let him trail his lips across her skin. No words, no sudden explosions of confessions, no tirades or heart wrenching conversation. Just his need, her want, their mutual feelings falling into place like puzzle pieces. She slumped against him and he closed his eyes, staying still. "Sleep," he whispered. She floated away. ~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." --Matthew 5:16 ~~~~~~~~~~