Title: I Thought (1/1) Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com< Disclaimer: The characters of Mulder and Scully belong to CC, 1013, and Fox. No infringement is intended. Rating: V, A, MSR Summary: Scully thinking about Mulder's faults in love. I Thought (1/1) I thought he might care a bit more than this. All right, I thought he loved me. That was stupid. I mean, hello. This is Mulder we're talking about here. The man who can't seem to keep his head on straight, the man who forgets conviently about his promises, the man who substitutes healthy relationships for porn. And I actually thought he might . . . he might just love me. That's ridiculous. Mulder isn't capable of love. It hasn't been programmed into his genes, I guess. Oh, but . . . I thought I could make him understand what love was. I thought I could show him how beautiful it is. Oh, I wish I had! I thought he knew how much I loved him. I thought he understood that a fight didn't mean I hated him, that a forgotten promise didn't mean I'd never forgive him, that a whispered insult didn't mean I never loved him. I thought he would come back. But he didn't. Mulder . . . I thought you knew. I thought you knew. I never said . . . but I thought you knew. I stare at the phone, wishing it to ring, for it to be him and his voice coming out at me in that rich timbre of his that makes my chest tighten. I glance to the clock in our office, seeing that it is way past time for him to call. He told me he would, he promsed to call every day, to check in. He hasn't. It means he's dead. I thought he would come back to me. I thought he knew how much I loved him, how much he had to live for. He knew . . . he should have known . . . he should have come back. The phone rings, startling me so hard that I slam my teeth into my lip and it begins to bleed. I pick up the phone and cradle it to my ear, blinding hoping to hear his voice. "Scully?" A heartbeat. "Mulder." A breath. "I'm okay. I really am." A shudder of relief. "Good. Good. Are you coming back?" An expectation. "Not quite yet. I have a bit more to do. . ." Shattering. He pauses. I wait. "But, I'll try to get back. Soon." My eyes are closing. Finality. "Okay." A whisper. The click signalling he is finished with the conversation and then the dail tone. I don't want to put down the phone; afraid I'll lose my connection to him. As if, by touching him, I can save him. I can bring him back. I thought he would say I love you. I thought I would say I love you. I thought everything would be just fine. But now, I have to wait again. He always leaves me behind. In love, in life, in our job. I thought he would change. Mulder never changes. end. Adios RocketMan