Date sent: Sat, 16 Aug 1997 01:07:10 +0000 From: Lyle Bontrager Subject: [Fwd: Hello Darkness (1/1)] Title: Hello Darkness (1/1) Author: RocketMan >lbontger@wmcstations.com< Disclaimer: "The Sound of Silence" belongs to Simon and Garfunkel; Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter and Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny. Notes: an Angst, Vignette, thing happening. Inspired by Carol Gritton telling me that her awesome da bomb story--The Beggar--was inspired by a Simon and Garfunkel song. PRE-SLEEPLESS--which is the episode before the Duane Barry thing. Hello Darkness (1/1) I hear my soft, hoarse voice whisper across the emptiness where something better should be. There is darkness all around me, and there will always be darkness I'm afraid. That's it. I'm afraid. I'm so freaking scared I can't even see straight. I'm stupid pyschologist and I can't even see what was right ion front of me all this time. Her. I screwed up so bad, Darkness. I wanted to grab her and shake her and tell her there was no way they were splitting us up, or maybe I wanted to kiss that crushed, defeated look right off her face. I wanted to scream out that they had no right to split us up. I could care les about wire tap duty, I just need *her*. And now there's just this darkness. I'm so afraid that she'll never want to come back to the X-Files, to me, now that she has had a taste of the real life, the safe life. I'm staying as far from her as possible. I don't want to remind her of me. If I did, then she might decide to never somce back. But she set up that garage meeting. She contacted me first, Darkness. She knew just how to do it too. The Samantha picture. She knew enough about me to know what would catch my eye. And she was smart enough not to come speak to me directly. If she wants a life without me, then I won't mess up her chances now, by talking with her in public. But how I want to. Oh man, you don't understand, Darkness. I want to have everyone see is together. I guess it's some kind of male pride. I hear them talk about her, make fun of this one guy who appraoched her and was blown away by her iciness. And I want to walk right up to her and hug her and just know that they're watching and laugh in their faces. But, Darkness, as I said before, I don't want to ruin her chances. Scully seen with Spooky could be detrimental to her career, not to mention her health. I am walking down this hall again Darkness, and I know why but I can't stop it. I know she'll be walking by in a few seconds. Everyday at this same time in Quantico, I try to be here, in this hall. Just so I can see her. I don't let her see me. Better to sever the tie quick and fast. Like ripping off the band-aid from your leg quickly to minimize the pain. But I have to see her. There she is! Scully.......I can feel her presence in the hall, that air of confidence and skill. I can smell her light perfume, not the heavy stuff, but the flowery fragrance of jasmine and clovers. She is turning, why is she turning? She never turns.....never....just keeps walking and never looks back- She saw me staring at her. She's walking over here and........and she has a huge smile on her face. She's smiling. For me. I smile. "Mulder!" she says and hugs me, tightly and friendly. Liks she had just been thinking of me and is pleasantly surprised at my appearance. "Scully..." "Mulder, I just knew you were here today. Actually though, I thought you were here yesterday too, but I didn't see you." "I was here," I say softly. Her face falls somewhat, like she is hurt personally. "Why didn't you come see me?" "I didn't think you'd want me to.." I say honestly. "Mulder! Of course I want to see you. We're still friends, right?" My smile has got to be longer than the hallway. "Of course! Great! I thought you might be too busy......" I lie this time. "Oh never too busy. It's boring, Mulder. Very boring. I always find myself wondering if the next group of students will ever see the stuff I've seen. And then I wish we were back together." "You do?" She smiles and it's like heavenly sunlight. I want to kiss her. "Mulder....I'm not quitting the X-Files. No way. No matter what happens." Her words make me shiver and I don't know why. I smile and she says we need to eat lunch. Of course I suggest Chinese and she opts for the Wall Street Deli. She always gets her way and today is no exception. We are sitting in our regular chairs, at our regular table, only outside Quantico, not in D.C. I smile as she wrinkles her nose and reads the menu, even though she has read it a thousand times. I lean forward and take her hand. Maybe, my old friend......you will leave me now. Because with us split up, there are other more interesting possibilities. And that smile of hers is like heavenly sunlight. end. was it all right? adios RocketMan